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Girlfriend problems

E

enderwiggen

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I think my girlfriend and I are close to being finished.

We were very happy for a while, but we were starting to get snappish with each other.

We want two completely different things in a relationship. She is very clingy, and I am the exact opposite. She wants to be the couple that makes out on park benches, whereas I want something discreet. She wants to spend every waking minute with me, whereas I value my solitary time.

When I choose to have my alone time [I am very independant, and dont want/need very much social interaction to be perfectly happy], she gets upset and feels neglected. When I comprimise and go to social events with her, I feel crowded. When she lays claim and demands my free time, I feel smothered.

I am not sure quite what to think. I think that we are practically over. Niether of us are very happy, and we are always bickering over the tiniest things.

Any thoughts?:(
 
My wife and I are like that sometimes. I'll mention that I feel like I need some alone time (on the third day of a three-day weekend, for example), but that it's not her, it's just me. She might get a little unhappy, but usually I just need a few hours of alone time, so it's not a big deal. We've been married for 16 months now and she just started to respect the alone time situation a few months ago.

So my suggestion is this: If you've been with her for a considerable amount of time (i.e., over a year) and she still won't respect your alone time, it may never happen. If you've only been together a few months, it may take more time for her to understand.
 
saaga07 said:
My wife and I are like that sometimes. I'll mention that I feel like I need some alone time (on the third day of a three-day weekend, for example), but that it's not her, it's just me. She might get a little unhappy, but usually I just need a few hours of alone time, so it's not a big deal. We've been married for 16 months now and she just started to respect the alone time situation a few months ago.

.
Click to expand...

Maybe that´s cuz she smells the gayness in you and wants to keep and eye on you so you don´t go cheating with other guys :roll:
 
A big part of my problem, is that I want a completely different kind of relationship than she does. Niether of us are happy with the comprimises we have made.

She is also not getting the physical satisfaction she wants either. [Not as in sex, we are both very firm on not sleeping with anyone until marriage, but I am not a physical person at all, and she definately is]. So, she is not getting all that she wants, and I am practically drowning in it.
 
We have been an "official" couple for roughly 2.5 months, but an "unofficial" couple for almost a year.

I am fairly sure about myself. I am mostly straight, but with a couple of bi tendancies [hence my being on here... example: I enjoy gay porn, but have no interest in participating in those sort of activities]. I have tried the guy thing, and while I find many incredibly attractive, I just can't connect on an emotional level with other guys. I have tried, and it just isnt my thing.

The more I think about it, I am realizing that we are indeed wanting two completely different things. She wants and needs someone to be dependant on. Otherwise, she is very wishy washy, and falls to pieces when there isnt someone to help her carry any of her emotional baggage. [She changed churches, and her family is being really hard on her].

I myself want and need someone who is very independant, and doesnt need me to keep themself together. I just can't handle it.

She and I talked last night about this, and the fact that we talked about it in her words 'broke her heart'. But I had to be honest. I can see that we want to go in different directions. She doesnt know right now what she wants in a relationship, but I can see very clearly what type of relationship she wants/will end up wanting. Right now she is in a complete mess, and things are very uncomfortable. We dont want this to end, because we do care deeply for each other, but at the same time, we want two different things out of each other.

..... I swear. I was single for about 5 years before I started dating again. It was a lot of fun, and sometimes I wonder whether it is really worth it.
 
Thanks for your input. I have a good feeling that it will work itself out for better or for worse. We have discussed it, and even if we do stop dating [which to me seems very likely, but I will let her sort out her feelings before I take any such action so that she can deal with one thing at a time] that we will still be good friends.

Oh, and I like your 'signature' btw. Il est tres interessant. :)
 
It's also a good idea to discuss how you feel with her. If she's getting too clingy, you should calmly explain that it's getting annoying. She needs to be able to function without you at her side constantly, otherwise it will ruin social events for both of you. If you two weren't meant to be together, she'll find somebody else to leech onto.
 
Update: I am now single, and quite content to be so.

Ironically, she beat me to the punch by saying that we should just casually date, but not be completely tied to one person exclusively. I took the extra step and just said no more. She is actually taking it rather well I think.... If she isnt, I dont really know why... she initiated it.

But... I was planning to do it on Thursday, but I didnt have a chance to speak to her in person, and she just wrote me a letter..... Oh well. It is over, and I am single. WOOHOO!
 
Congratulations!!! Free at last, he's free at last.
I have so much I could say, but will refrain.
All the best for the future.
 
It sounds like things have worked out for the best. From what I read it sounded like neither of you were completely happy, so congrats on the new found freedom. Now maybe you can explore the "bi tendencies" you have. ;)
 
enderwiggen said:
A big part of my problem, is that I want a completely different kind of relationship than she does. Niether of us are happy with the comprimises we have made.

She is also not getting the physical satisfaction she wants either. [Not as in sex, we are both very firm on not sleeping with anyone until marriage, but I am not a physical person at all, and she definately is]. So, she is not getting all that she wants, and I am practically drowning in it.
Click to expand...

She wants a relationship with a man and so do you. Holding out for marriage is a good way to cover up the gay thing.
 
Thanks for the support. I understand that most of you would be more than happy to see me get into a gay relationship, but to be completely honest, I just dont have any such interest in actually doing so.

Yeah, gay and bi porn are a big turn on to me, but nothing more. There are many things in my past that I can attribute my "bi tendancies" to [had severe gynecomastia in my teens **man boobs** that required extensive surgery.... which inevitably alienated me from the male social society, and well... you can probably imagine the rest *harassment, self esteem, self image etc. etc.*].

If the opportunity presents itself, and it is safe, I probably wont turn down some 'innocent' fun, but in all honesty, I just can't connect with guys the way I can with girls romantically. End of story. Sorry to dissappoint you guys, but I am who I am. I am happy with who I am and fairly secure about myself too. But, that definately doesnt mean that I dont appreciate the great advice and the community here!:D

Actually.... to be entirely honest.... I am much happier single, and dating anyone *male or female* just hasnt ever been that appealing... But, I guess we learn by trial and error, and I wont ever know if I am meant to be single if I dont occasionally try to date someone I am moderately interested in.
 
Sorry to hear that your relationship soured. At least being single isn't so bad. Enjoy your singlehood while it lasts.
 
Man I don't care if you get into a relationship with a man -- or anybody else for that matter! -- or not. But, it sounds like that relationship just wasn't doing it for you, and I don't think you needed any other reason for getting out of it than that. (well, except maybe the grief that would have come on down the track because y'all weren't really compatible.)
 
Yeah, you're done.

Time to hang with the guys.
 
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