Girlfriend Threatening To Tell Family :(!!!

[ILoveGuys]

I just coulnt take it any more. Called my (now ex)gf crying (i'm ashamed to say as a man) and told her the whole truth, i've liked boys as far back as i could remember and in 3rd grade i got teased a lot because when i was with my friends and they were goign around telling who they had a crush on i said i liked Jake and they laughed, i didn't know what was wrong.

anyway we had a huge fight and she said that if i want to break up with her i should give her a real excuse and then we started screaming at each other.

long story she threatened to tell my family if i leave her. im not sure what to do, thank god i have a decent job otherwise this would be a nightmare.

i wish i had just told her i was cheating on her with another girl that would ahve been the smart thing but all i do is lie, lie, lie and im sick of it.

 

[AlmondMilk]

Damn...Well at least you told her. I have no idea what she will get out of the relationship now that she knows you really aren't into her. I'm really sorry... about your situation though.

 

[ILoveGuys]

Thanks, i'll just have to work it out somehow. Just don't feel like doing anything but watch Breaking Bad

 

[ILoveGuys]

People don't know what it's like to live with a secret. For a long time I thought I could convince myself to be straight, and I thought I'd damn near succeed. For almost 3 years I didn't think about guys or just really suppressed it.

Then I got a job and actually had a little money in my pockets for a change. I would go out partying with my friends and it would just come out. Like I wouldn't hit on anyone but yea, the urge to be with a guy was so bad. I'd go home, close turn off the lights, get underneath my covers with my laptop and jerk off to naked guys online till my balls were blue.

The day after I'd feel so guilty. Yes I am spiritual (not christian or part of any organized religion), growing up I was taught to hate "faggots" and anyone that was different from the norm. I wondered how I could pray to the divine after such acts.

Nobody ever told me (until recently) that yes, people are born that way. It's just who I am and there's nothing I can do about it. I feel mad at the world for lying to me. I feel mad for growing up with such a burden when I just want to be normal and feel accepted. I mostly feel mad at lying to myself and everyone around me.

I just feel so wrong sometimes. Yes, it sounds bad to admit it and those of you who can freely express yourselves should feel very lucky. I can't.

I'm trapped like the fish with a hook in its mouth and every other fish can't see that the reason I'm acting so crazy is because there's a crazy fucker tugging at me and I can't get loose.

 

[BearBoi]

What type of disgusting overly clingy fag-hag (which is her designated position in this conflict, BTW) needs to hold a gay man hostage in a sham relationship by threatening to out him?

Sadly, it looks like you’ve found out.

This is not love; this is infatuation. It sometimes mimics love, but below the surface it is a shallow, ugly thing. Love is beautiful and deep and always giving.

If she loved you, she’d have supported you. She’d have wanted only the best for you, because that is what true love demands; selflessness and sacrifice, especially when it comes to the others happiness. Instead, she seeks to control you in the most vicious of ways.

My best advice would be to cool off and never call a girl crying. Ever. Jesus, son, didn’t you have a daddy or big brother or cousin who did time or anybody growing up? Anyway, cool off. Really, just put it on the back burner. Be a man about it. Let that pot settle down some before you lift the lid, when you are god damn good and ready. You own that pot.

Now you will deal with it like a man.

You will not call her like a daintily twated girlfriend. Fuck no. You will meet her in person, preferably at an outdoors establishment – but nice – but open enough that you can make a quick exit if she degrades into a shrieking harpy. Be the bigger man. With a plan.

Next, you will sit her down near the exit and not in a corner. You shall be seated in whichever position prevents her from blocking your way to the exit.

Have cash in your pocket sufficient to pay for your portion of the meal (or both, if you are going to be 'classy'), so you can toss it down if you are forced to suddenly leave -- this also looks dramatic as shitty-cakes!

Finally…

Simply explain that you love her deeply and probably more than you’ve ever loved anybody before. You trust her, and you respect her. However, you have to admit your inability to be in love with her.

If she is hurt, hug her. If she is irrational but civil (no tantrums or screaming), respectfully listen. Respond if you must, but mostly listen. Hearing is what she wants from you the most right now.

If she is unable to remain civil, than know that you’ve done the most gown-up thing of your young and worthy life and politely excuse yourself. Or… Whip down those bills and yell, “Ya, and your sister WAS better then you, anyway!” and storm the fuck out like a boss.

Your pick, snoodles.

But know that I’m right behind you, win or lose.

Forever young.

Forever… fucking 80s radio stations. They really sneak up on you.

Anyway, let us know how it turns out.

 

[TheOscar]

I am so sorry for your situation, ILoveGuys.

What you need to do is LEAVE that girlfriend of yours. Tell her to go jump off a cliff. If she dare says something to your family (which I strongly feel she is bluffing), then just let it be....like you know now, you are born this way. You cannot stay with that woman. You must leave here, first of all.

I'm glad you have accepted your homosexuality, as that really is the first step.
Hopefully things get better!

 

[looseliam]

Tell her "go ahead. I don't care."

Let her flap her gums all over. If confronted say, "she's just pissed I broke-up with her."

G-d I hate women... but that's a rant for another time

 

[healingduck]

So..... She wants to stay with someone who is attracted to guys?

Anyway, I agree with the other people. Leave her since she will tell whether you leave her now or later. But I don't necessarily think she will actually tell. She is probably just saying that so you won't leave her.

 

[Rolyo85]

Sounds to me like you both had a serious meltdown there.

Now, unlike the others in this topic, I kind of see where she is coming from too. I am not saying she isn't a psychotic bitch, but from what you have described, she might just have been completely shocked, and blurted the first lashing out absurdity that came to her.

You see, she was your girlfriend. You dated her. Maybe you slept with her (did you?). And now you're ditching her for dick? Can you imagine how that would affect a girl's self-esteem? Can you begin to comprehend how lied-to, used and humiliated she must have felt?

People deal with this type of situation in many different ways. I am not saying what she's like, because I don't know her, I am just suggesting to you an alternative version of what's what. Like it was already suggested, meet with her in person. Be kind, and civil. Yes, you are the one with the big drama here, with the whole coming out business, BUT she is also in a very bad place emotionally, and you can easily be the better man and help her with it. In the long run that will help you too.

I also seriously doubt she will really out you, but don't force the subject.


AND if worse seems to be gearing towards worst, bite the pillow, take the dive, and just beat her to the punch. You are gay. That won't change. Yes, it sucks being forced into coming out, and you should do it in your own time, but it is ALWAYS much better for the parental unit to find out from you than from someone else.

 

[USEDCAR]

Just tell your family you broke up with her and shes spreading gay rumors about you.

 

[ILoveGuys]

What type of disgusting overly clingy fag-hag (which is her designated position in this conflict, BTW) needs to hold a gay man hostage in a sham relationship by threatening to out him?

Sadly, it looks like you’ve found out.

This is not love; this is infatuation. It sometimes mimics love, but below the surface it is a shallow, ugly thing. Love is beautiful and deep and always giving.

If she loved you, she’d have supported you. She’d have wanted only the best for you, because that is what true love demands; selflessness and sacrifice, especially when it comes to the others happiness. Instead, she seeks to control you in the most vicious of ways.

My best advice would be to cool off and never call a girl crying. Ever. Jesus, son, didn’t you have a daddy or big brother or cousin who did time or anybody growing up? Anyway, cool off. Really, just put it on the back burner. Be a man about it. Let that pot settle down some before you lift the lid, when you are god damn good and ready. You own that pot.

Now you will deal with it like a man.

You will not call her like a daintily twated girlfriend. Fuck no. You will meet her in person, preferably at an outdoors establishment – but nice – but open enough that you can make a quick exit if she degrades into a shrieking harpy. Be the bigger man. With a plan.

Next, you will sit her down near the exit and not in a corner. You shall be seated in whichever position prevents her from blocking your way to the exit.

Have cash in your pocket sufficient to pay for your portion of the meal (or both, if you are going to be 'classy'), so you can toss it down if you are forced to suddenly leave -- this also looks dramatic as shitty-cakes!

Finally…

Simply explain that you love her deeply and probably more than you’ve ever loved anybody before. You trust her, and you respect her. However, you have to admit your inability to be in love with her.

If she is hurt, hug her. If she is irrational but civil (no tantrums or screaming), respectfully listen. Respond if you must, but mostly listen. Hearing is what she wants from you the most right now.

If she is unable to remain civil, than know that you’ve done the most gown-up thing of your young and worthy life and politely excuse yourself. Or… Whip down those bills and yell, “Ya, and your sister WAS better then you, anyway!” and storm the fuck out like a boss.

Your pick, snoodles.

But know that I’m right behind you, win or lose.

Forever young.

Forever… fucking 80s radio stations. They really sneak up on you.

Anyway, let us know how it turns out.

Thanks for this, made me feel better. Yea I think I need to meet with her, I'll try to keep my cool about it.

 

[backpacker]

I think she was hurt and reacted out of raw emotion. Unless she is a total bitch, she will come to her senses. Give her a day or two to cool off, then talk to her. Good luck!

 

[Seasoned]

I disagree about hiding feelings. Unexpressed feelings make us sick or turn us into cold fish.

You did the girl wrong the same way I did my ex-wife wrong. I was only thinking of myself when I married her and I lied to her. You did the same.

If she outs you, be grateful. Don't compound a lie with another one unless there are millions at stake or your life is threatened.

And to attribute retribution strictly to females is pretty naive. Every end of every relationship has the potential for high drama even including physical harm. People don't like getting dumped.

 

[Paws]

long story she threatened to tell my family if i leave her.

Great ultimatum:
- leave her and get outed
- stick to her and maintain a relationship that doesn't really work and makes both unhappy

 

[JustDance86]

Be Honest to your heart, life is too short to live a lie, lie, lie.
Love yourself for you know you are not for what you want ppl to see.

 

[sixthson]

Just tell your family you broke up with her and shes spreading gay rumors about you.

Not this.

Sooner or later he is going to have to come out. He might as well do it now. No point compounding a bad situation with more lies.

To the OP: there are going to be people in your life who reject you or even hate you for being gay. There is nothing you can do about that and time is not likely to change it.
Come clean and get it over with.

 

[pai mei]

Not this.

Sooner or later he is going to have to come out. He might as well do it now. No point compounding a bad situation with more lies.

To the OP: there are going to be people in your life who reject you or even hate you for being gay. There is nothing you can do about that and time is not likely to change it.
Come clean and get it over with.

TBH, I think this is bad advice.

what is the statistic again? 40% of homeless youth (teens) are LGBT who were kicked out after coming out? there is real dangers for some people to coming out. just because i haven't yet faced real discrimination in my personal life, and maybe you haven't either, doesn't mean a lot of people don't, many right next door to us.

First things first, you need to have the face to face with your gf, and see where that goes. That meeting can help determine where things go next. next, you need to come to terms with it. you need to be strong enough to handle the hate, the rejection, etc, you need to be strong enough to deal with your family when they want you to go to reparative-treatment,' and you need to know that it's all bs even when everyone else doesn't. I was able to go through that process after my initial coming out phase, and i was lucky that i was able to so in the environment that i was given. you however aren't that lucky. lastly, you need to get into a position, financially, career wise, home wise perhaps, where you're able to come out to your family, and then you need to force yourself to do it.

 

[Rolyo85]

He actually already said he has a well paid job. So I don't foresee a homeless teen situation for him either way.

 

[racer2438]

Either tell ur family the truth and be free, or tell them that you dump her cuz she was wierd/crazy and she is spreading shit about you... but if u use that one and you do come out later may not look good.

but only u know if ur ready to tell family. Is she not also going to tell all ur friends also? Seems if he goes for family she would also tell ur friends.

So just tell her to go ahead. ur freinds u can deal with easier, family bit more complicated.

I would just tell her to do it and call her bluff..

 

[sixthson]

He actually already said he has a well paid job. So I don't foresee a homeless teen situation for him either way.

That's why I gave the advice I did. Had he been dependent on others my advice would have been different.

As someone who was outed at 19 by a relative, I know I would have much preferred doing it on my own terms, but I was deprived of that. The end result would have been the same, but I could have done it face to face with many of them. No one, including the OP's gf, should have that kind of power in another person's life. The OP needs to take that control himself.