Good bye my lover! Good bye my friend!

[justis1828]

How do you say good-bye to some who is your heart and soul without tearing yourself apart. Twenty-Five years is along time to share a life with someone. To set someone free and let them fly away from you is so hard to bare that I just don't know if I can handle it. Its been 2 yrs since the day he said good-bye to me and walked out of my life. Even though on the surface I smile and laugh and seem okay, my insides are still twisting, and just when I think I am okay, something comes along and reminds me of you, reminds me of us, reminds me of the life we shared and the bond that we swore that could never be broken. Today it was an old picture of you on your sisters Facebook page. Gone for me is the person that I can say "hey you remember when that happened." I remember the night we stood on the top of Chandler Mountain and you came up behind me and wrapped your arms around me, and as we looked down on the city lights, you said you love this place almost as much as you loved me. I knew standing so close to the edge of the cliff that I was safe because you held me there. Today is just not a good day. I miss you so much I can't stand it sometimes.

 

[justis1828]

Sorry guys, not trying to be so depressing. Just trying to work through it.......

 

[bankside]

I don't know if you have to let it go. You're not supposed to look at a decade of your life and go "oh well, never mind then."

Were you together 25 years?

 

[RainCity]

Justis, sadly, there is nothing that can be said or done, that will heal your grief AT PRESENT. However, realizing that this is a worn old cliche....only time can heal this. It's just a process; and you're doing the right thing by communicating your sadness. Was reading a book about JackieOnassis, and in regard to JFK's death and her ensuing grief....she said, "the sad thing, is that you have endless stories and memories...that no one else understands except you". And if you try to watch a movie or take a walk to alleviate your sadness, it seems that EVERYTHING brings up some kind of memory (and as Jackie said, you're the only one who understands your own grief). None of this is making you feel any stronger...just wanted you to know that your post touched my heart immensely.

 

[justis1828]

I don't know if you have to let it go. You're not supposed to look at a decade of your life and go "oh well, never mind then."

Were you together 25 years?

Not together in that way, but we have been best friends since 5 yrs old....Lovers for 6yrs. Rest assured that there is not an "oh well, never mind then." moment for me ever.

 

[eastofeden]

 

[justis1828]

Rain, I appreciate the kind words. J.O hit the nail right on the head.

 

[Seasoned]

Loss is probably the most difficult think we face and remembering specific losses comes upon us at unpredictable times. Recognizing when it happens and reaching out, as you did here, is probably the healthiest way of dealing with it. I think we do best by honoring the feeling and not rushing through it. It will subside on its own and it's best not to run from it or mask it with avoidance behaviors.

You're doing the right thing. Sorry for your loss.

 

[NYClover54]

I came out of a 2 year relationship in December and I was a mess for those first couple of months. I can't imagine what you must be going through

 

[justis1828]

Thanks for the support, it's much appreciated. I know there are good and bad days with this. I accept it, even if I can't control it.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

I'm curious why it ended... any details you're willing to share?

 

[justis1828]

Pressure to be the good son I suppose in the eyes of his parents. Parents that he could never come out to. A one night stand with a girl and she got pregnant. Pressure to conform to what society said he should be made him choose her, and not just that, but to break off any contact with me. That is the basis of it.........