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Great boyfriend likes living alone

jetsonboy

jetsonboy

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I have a great boyfriend of 6 months and he told me the other night he worries he might not be the one for me, as he's "not the move-in together type." We are exclusive (mutually agreed upon), and he gives me every indication that he likes me a lot, and his qualities as a person and our mutual attraction are fantastic, which makes me not want to break up. Should I, given the fact that I can't hope to live together with him?
 
I've never experienced that situation but I know a friend who has, and I'm afraid I'd say it's not good.

Living together with someone is not really hard work for a reasonable adult. If someone specifically has an issue with that, it is usually the tip of a much larger iceberg of issues.
 
Thanks bankside for your reply. I hope others will chime in as well. 😊
 
It's only been 6 months. I've had friends who have taken almost 2 years before moving in together. If your arrangement is mutually agreeable why rock the boat until you accrue more time together. His attitude could change once the bond is stronger. Until he begins giving you actual feelings of wanting to end the relationship, I would go with the flow. Hoping for the best for you and him.

Craiger
 
I agree with the last poster, in my situation, we moved in together pretty quickly, that said, we are now engaged, (3 years now), and hitting year 5 of our relationship on Thursday. Give it time, if he says the relationship needs to end then discuss it at that time
 
He is not right for you. That kind of person enjoys his freedom and likes to be alone when he feels like it. That is the up most important thing to him, the singlehood. So, move on, if you cannot be just fuckfuddies and friends.

Believe me, I´m an expert on subject ;)

Lady-GaGa-BTW-10-DC-Covers-e1297429436107.jpg
 
he worries he might not be the one for me, as he's "not the move-in together type.
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Wait, and see...for his actions, are what matters...so far, so good...one day, at a time...
 
People change their minds and all couples make accommodations. There are solutions to this and there's also getting a explanation as to why he feels the way he does. Of course, he's entitled to his preference but, since you're intimate, you're entitled to know why. Couple's counseling could help.
 
I am one of those people who like to live alone and its less about the relationship then my job. I like a place I can go and have absolute quiet after a long day. Its not to say I would never let someone move in, because I had had several people move in, friends, my sister when they needed a place, and Im sure I would let a boyfriend move in as well, its just I would have to make very sure this was the person I want to be with before making that move. Maybe your bf moved someone in once thinking it would be great and it went bad fast? There could be other issues at play, dont be so quick to judge.
 
Sounds like the guy has cold feet. Maybe he doesn't want to get hurt (maybe he's been hurt in the past.) Are you in a big rush to move in with him? I've been single for a long time and I'll be honest, it's going to take me a hellva long time to move in with somebody if I ever meet anybody who likes me for me. It's not because I don't love them. It's because I'm use to having my space. If everything is so fantastic then why not give him some time. I'd only worry about it when it gets to 5 years and he hasn't moved in yet! ha ha.
 
God it's 6 months!

You can't tell anything that soon. Personally I would like to know someone for several years before moving in.
 
Relationships demand accommodation. It sounds like he's at least somewhat introverted, and values alone time. That's part of who he is, and does not mean that he might be interested in moving in in the future. In the meantime, let the relationship develop naturally, and don't try to force it into meeting a preconception.
 
Have you asked him specifically why he is not the "move in" type? I can understand being out of your comfort zone and needing to adjust slowly to someone being in your space, but the fact that he said he may not be for you because of this reason leads me to believe he does not take your relationship as deeply as you do. He wants to keep his own space because he is not compelled enough to let you in it...

Don't you think its a red flag that he said "he may not be the one for you" because of that? who in a serious committed relationship would say that to their partner if they really liked/loved that person?

And considering you have been together for 6 months, arent you over there 3-4 days a week anyways or he at your place? Do you guys not sleep over at each other's places? If this is the case, it just doesn't add up to me why he would say that.
 
He would say that because he feels, like a lot of guys, 6 months isn't a lot of time. It isn't. WHY would you expect to move in with someone that soon?

I wouldn't consider moving in with someone for at least a year, probably not that soon either. We aren't lesbians!

Did you ask to move in with him in some fashion? Because it's a different thing if he told you that out of the blue, than if you brought it up.
 
These are all such great observations, thank you all! I recently told this to a friend: I may not be totally ready to move in at this moment, actually, and maybe in a year he will reconsider if things continue to go as well as they are now. But what do I do, keep him and continue my search for someone who is willing now to give more? Say goodbye to him and do the same? I NEED what he's giving me right now....
 
TX-Beau said:
Did you ask to move in with him in some fashion? Because it's a different thing if he told you that out of the blue, than if you brought it up.
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This is a very good point. I assumed he brought it up out of the blue.
 
jetsonboy said:
These are all such great observations, thank you all! I recently told this to a friend: I may not be totally ready to move in at this moment, actually, and maybe in a year he will reconsider if things continue to go as well as they are now. But what do I do, keep him and continue my search for someone who is willing now to give more? Say goodbye to him and do the same? I NEED what he's giving me right now....
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The more I read the more it seems you are totally unready to move in now. If you're seriously considering staying with someone you think is incompatible while you search for someone you think is a better fit, then you are totally unready to move in with anyone now, next year, the year after that, a year later...
 
jetsonboy said:
These are all such great observations, thank you all! I recently told this to a friend: I may not be totally ready to move in at this moment, actually, and maybe in a year he will reconsider if things continue to go as well as they are now. But what do I do, keep him and continue my search for someone who is willing now to give more? Say goodbye to him and do the same? I NEED what he's giving me right now....
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Maybe he picked up on this. He probably senses you're not looking for Mr. Right, but rather Mr. Right Now. Things happen in their own time, rushing them usually ends in a mess.
 
In most civilized societies throughout history partners did no cohabitate till getting married...and you are worried that he won't shack up with ya after a few pizzas?...sheesh...I wouldn't wanna move in with you either!

Courtship in romantic relationship should be years long process...not a few months!
 
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