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Grindr/ Dating apps advice

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Keitau

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So this is my first time posting here but I've been a long time lurker and the stories and advice here have helped me a lot through my struggles but recently there have been two incidents that have left me a little confused and lost and hurt. (Sorry its a little bit long)

About a couple of months ago, I was talking to this one guy on Grindr and we hit it off pretty nicely or at least I thought we did. I asked him out on a date and he said yes. Fast forward a couple of days with us talking and getting to know each other. Plans all made and he was supposed to pick me up from my dorm. The day of the date hours before he was supposed to pick me up, I reaffirm our plans for the night and he agrees so I decide to take a short nap then get ready for the date. I had given him my number just in case anything went wrong. So after I wake up from my nap, I check grindr one more time and find out that his profile and all our chats had vanished (First time getting blocked by someone i was talking to) which freaked me out a little but i just chalked it up to a malfunction of the app and got ready for the date since he had my number. Needless to say he didnt show up and I had been stood-up. I found out later he had blocked me a couple of hours before the date while I was napping. I found it weird but a couple of days later i got over it.

Fast forward to this week, I met this guy again on Grindr on wednesday and we hit it off both of us being science majors etc etc. Again this time I went ahead and asked him out, nothing special just meeting each other off the app at his place and getting to know each other in person. He agreed and decided that saturday evening would work best for him. So as the week goes one we talk and get to know each other. He seemed like a genuinely nice guy even to the extent of apologizing when he didnt reply immediately (It's grindr, no expectations for replies.) Then yesterday, I messaged him that morning to solidify the plans and make sure everything was ok, he agreed and said he would send me his address later on since he was currently busy and had forgotten his address. I thought it was a little weird but ultimately shrugged it off thinking it was nothing. The previous experience with the other guy had made me cautious so I sent him my number and told him I would again message him around 5 when i was leaving my dorm. He agreed and i then proceeded to shower and take a quick nap. Again when i woke up his profile had vanished and so had our chats and i found it extremely weird. I thought he had blocked me so I asked my friend to check his grindr profile and we didnt find his profile at all so i thought he had just deleted his profile to avoid someone else and i just kept hope that he would text me and we'd just meet up. Needless to say, i got no messages and this morning i checked my friends grindr again to find out that he had blocked me.

Right now I'm more than a little hurt because he genuinely seemed like a nice guy and i had thought things would go well. I decided to then delete grindr and my profile and just erase it completely. My question now is was there something i did wrong? Is it wrong for me to hope that they would have just said "yea lets not do this" instead of just blocking me hours before we were supposed to meet up?

Thanks for reading this and i hope you can help me out.
 
Thanks for the welcome and the only reason I resorted to these apps is because my school has a very small gay scene or at the very least one that I have yet to see but I think I'll try joining the lgbt club as a means of gaining gay friends or more. I just wanted to make sure it wasn't odd that I felt hurt after they just blocked me without saying a word when it seemed like we were getting along so well.
 
I've never used Grindr or any dating app for that matter but have friends who do. From what I've seen and heard, Grindr is an app to have a quick hookup, no extra questions besides "top? bottom? age? location? can you send me a dick picture?" and then fucking. You'll be really lucky if you actually find somebody worth dating/looking for a date there.

If you want a dating app try Tinder. I've heard is really good, clean, private, much like Facebook but for dating.
 
I've used grindr consistently for nearly 3 years now. These things will happen. It's weird that they happened twice in a row for you, but I'd chalk it up to coincidence. If anything, try to think about what those two guys had in common and whether it's something you can avoid in the future.

From my own personal experience - and I really put myself out there, so I feel I'm qualified to say this - there are gems on those apps. You just need to learn not to be bothered by the fact that you gotta dig through a pile of shit to find them.

Ultimately, always remember this: if you are there, then others like you are also there.
 
Keitau said:
So this is my first time posting here but I've been a long time lurker and the stories and advice here have helped me a lot through my struggles but recently there have been two incidents that have left me a little confused and lost and hurt. (Sorry its a little bit long)

About a couple of months ago, I was talking to this one guy on Grindr and we hit it off pretty nicely or at least I thought we did. I asked him out on a date and he said yes. Fast forward a couple of days with us talking and getting to know each other. Plans all made and he was supposed to pick me up from my dorm. The day of the date hours before he was supposed to pick me up, I reaffirm our plans for the night and he agrees so I decide to take a short nap then get ready for the date. I had given him my number just in case anything went wrong. So after I wake up from my nap, I check grindr one more time and find out that his profile and all our chats had vanished (First time getting blocked by someone i was talking to) which freaked me out a little but i just chalked it up to a malfunction of the app and got ready for the date since he had my number. Needless to say he didnt show up and I had been stood-up. I found out later he had blocked me a couple of hours before the date while I was napping. I found it weird but a couple of days later i got over it.

Fast forward to this week, I met this guy again on Grindr on wednesday and we hit it off both of us being science majors etc etc. Again this time I went ahead and asked him out, nothing special just meeting each other off the app at his place and getting to know each other in person. He agreed and decided that saturday evening would work best for him. So as the week goes one we talk and get to know each other. He seemed like a genuinely nice guy even to the extent of apologizing when he didnt reply immediately (It's grindr, no expectations for replies.) Then yesterday, I messaged him that morning to solidify the plans and make sure everything was ok, he agreed and said he would send me his address later on since he was currently busy and had forgotten his address. I thought it was a little weird but ultimately shrugged it off thinking it was nothing. The previous experience with the other guy had made me cautious so I sent him my number and told him I would again message him around 5 when i was leaving my dorm. He agreed and i then proceeded to shower and take a quick nap. Again when i woke up his profile had vanished and so had our chats and i found it extremely weird. I thought he had blocked me so I asked my friend to check his grindr profile and we didnt find his profile at all so i thought he had just deleted his profile to avoid someone else and i just kept hope that he would text me and we'd just meet up. Needless to say, i got no messages and this morning i checked my friends grindr again to find out that he had blocked me.

Right now I'm more than a little hurt because he genuinely seemed like a nice guy and i had thought things would go well. I decided to then delete grindr and my profile and just erase it completely. My question now is was there something i did wrong? Is it wrong for me to hope that they would have just said "yea lets not do this" instead of just blocking me hours before we were supposed to meet up?

Thanks for reading this and i hope you can help me out.
Click to expand...

Hi Keitau,

I'm a 22yo graduate from FSU. I've had good experiences and bad ones with grindr. All I gotta say is... don't expect too much from it. If you expect a 3am hookup then grindr is useful. If you are looking for a dateable guy, grindr is not the medium. I agree with CupidBoy - if you can, get out to bars & clubs and meet guys there. One advantage of doing so will be the additional satisfaction you get out of meeting someone in person from having good chemistry... the old fashioned way is one of the best ways!
 
Just a tip... Don't meet guys at your dorm or their house. Meet in a public place, and I wouldn't really give them any more personal information other then maybe your cell phone number.
 
It's a shame that these apps provide us an instant means of communication with other guys. At the same time, guys have no etiquette. I actually had your luck a few years ago. I'd get to the point of actually meeting guys in a platonic way. The conversation was great, and I'd spend a couple of hours just talking to some guys face-to-face. However after that initial meeting, they'd ignore. And that was before I got a smartphone in 2010. Now with Grindr and all of those other apps, most guys just ignore me. Even though the blocking feature exists, they ignore. I actually tried to see how many messages I could send this guy before he would actually say something/block me...and nothing. You can't really change guys. So I'm just going to treat others the way I'd like to be treated. If I'm not interested in a person, be it platonic or a hookup, I'll let them know. There are very few people who are really friendly despite their godly looks.
 
Thanks for the advice so far. Just an update I followed CupidBoy's advice and deleted Grindr (at least for now anyway) and decided to just in general focus more on myself and to give me a break from any of the dating apps. School's almost over also and I've made it a rule for myself not to do anything at home with the guys in my hometown/city.
Rolyo85- I think the only thing they shared in common was that they seemed like genuinely nice guys and that they had just joined grindr recentlyand they were in their early twenties. I'll definitely keep your advice and try to not let things like that bother me as much. On the bright side they served as inspiration for some good poetry (My biased opinion as the poet and a few friends opinion).
 
See, you have to stop thinking that you'll ever know anything about a guy based on a net PERSONA. I guarantee you that none of them were what you thought, or that you were what they thought, you have to meet someone to know anything real about them.

The net is good for getting laid, though I still prefer bars for that, but not much more.
 
Quite simple, delete the app and put yourself out there and meet guys face to face. You will have far higher success rate and become far more attractive and interesting. A lot of these guys with these varied online profiles use excuse don't know how to meet guys in my area, don't like bars, hookups. I agree, get out there, coffee shops, stores, join clubs or groups you are interested in. I live in a small city and I have no complaints. Have confidence to strike up a conversation with someone, after all before the internet that is how it was done. Now when I hear guys who use apps like grindr etc It's an instant turn off cause either there isn't the self confidence to think you can meet guys any other way or the I'm bored that why I'm on it, to be honest and man that needs to constantly have his time filled from boredom is just as unattractive.
It's not just 20 something's that act flaky on it.
 
Grindr is a piece of crap and the majority of guys on there aren't genuine. I've had multiple experiences where guys just get bored and stop replying. Most guys are just after 'the thrill of the hunt' and will not take many other guys seriously. I did meet my one and only boyfriend of two years on adam4adam but that was probably a 1 in a million situation. Plus I'm no longer with him go figure. Anyway I'm going to tell you what everyone has been telling you (and also told me), the one will come to you when you least expect it and above all come naturally. I feel like too many times relationships are forced on grindr or a4a etc.
 
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