Growing distant from my bi-friend

[JeffyJeff]

I haven't been too happy lately because during the past month, it seems that my best buddy doesn't care to have me around as much as he used to. I'm not sure how this happened all of a sudden. We used to hang out and see each other everyday. On the weekends, there was no doubt that he would call me early to come over his place for the day.

For the sake of this post, let's call my friend "A".

Our situaition is a little complicated though. We're both masculine str8 acting bi guys and none of our friends really know about this, but we mess around every now and then. Nothing too crazy, just rubbing, massages and sometimes dry-humping. We've given each other oral a couple of times too. Usually, he is the one that always brings up the idea, and since I'm attracted to him, I never turn it down.

I also have another friend that I've known a couple of months. Let's call him "B".

I met "B" because he used to live across the hall from my friend "A". They use to hang out a little. When I would stop over to "A"'s place, I would hang out with "B" sometimes too.

Lately, for the past couple of months, I've been hanging out with "B" alot. I helped him out when he was in a situation and he and his girlfriend really appreciate what I have done for them. Now, "B" and I hang out alot almost everyday and always on the weekends when he is not at work. My friend "B" know that me and my homie "A" are very close fiends, but does not understand why I want to hang out with him so much and he thinks that I should hang out with someone better than him. I listen to his advice, but deep down I have developed feelings for "A" and I just can't not have him in my life. To my knowledge, "B" doesn't know that "A" and I have messed around before. He just thinks that we are good friends, but somehow "B" knows that "A" is bi and has messed around with guys before.

My buddy "A" is very jealous now of how close that I am becoming with "B". He even asked if I have messed around with him. Of course I have not. He has a girlfriend and is very attractive, but no, I haven't. However, I don't think that "A" believes me when I say that nothing has happened between me and "B". When "A" and I are hanging out, sometimes I tell him about what "B" and I did over the weekend and he'll say to me, "I don't care....I hate when you talk about "B"". Then I say to "A", I'm sorry and I won't mention him again.

So, over the past month, my buddy "A" has not been calling or text me everyday after I get off work. Also, he used to call me every Saturday morning no later than 10:00am, and if I didn't anwer the phone, he'd leave a message every 20 minutes until I called him back. Now, the only time I speak with him is when I call him first. He'll always answer the phone, but if I say that I'm gonna come over to his place, he'll say, "why? don't come over, I'm busy and have something to do", or he'll say, he just needs to be alone and not hang out with anybody right now. I feel really hurt when he rejects my invitations to be around him. The only time we have been somewhere lately was when he needed a ride to go to court, and he wouldn't have asked me to take him if I hadn't called him the night before and I offered to take him.

This weekend has been the 4th weekend in a row that we haven't hung out and it's really starting to upset me that I may have lost my best buddy. I still have the opportunity to hang out with "B", and we always have fun when we hang out, but I miss hanging out with "A" and how fun he is to be around.

I don't know why it seems that I can never have two friends at the same time. One of them always seems to gradually disappear out of my life when they see that I'm becoming friends with someone else.

Maybe there's just some issues that "A" is trying to deal with right now and feels that he needs alot of time to himself. He's dealing with a court case and the case won't be closed for another month.

Can anyone please give me some suggestions on how to approach "A" and let him know that I miss hanging out with him. I don't know how I've developed such feelings for him, but I can't seem to be without him in my life for awhile. I also don't want him to think that I'm crazy and that I'm stocking him by just showing up at his place wanting to see him.

Any advise or encouragement is appreciated. Thanks for reading this.

 

[anchihiro]

Have you asked C, D, or F what they think?

Sounds like your friend is insecure and jealous. So what do you want to do?

If the answer is keep both of them then fine, B sounds like he wouldnt have too much of a problem.
So next time you call A and he says don't come round....DO go round because that's his childish way of saying he's a baby that doesnt want to grow up.
When you go round, go inside, strip off and give him the best blowjob ever. Look him in the eye and say me and B are friends, never been anything else, the only one i do this with is you. Deal with it, or get the fuck out of my life because you're not gonna get this arrangement anywhere else.

 

[10inchgrant]

I would agree completely with anchihiro. I would also add A's childish way of saying he's a baby might be a childish way of not knowing how to express his feelings. The fact that you think deeper than A sort of makes it your job to bring up the hard topic (no pun intended) and maybe, just maybe, that will give A the ability to be real, communicate, and accept his feelings and feel acceptance in sharing them with you.

 

[JeffyJeff]

Hey...what's up guys. Thanks for those comments and replies.

So, today "A" was on my mind all day while I was at work. After I got off work, I went straight over to "A"'s place. I just needed to see him and let him know that I miss being around him and hanging out. I knocked on his door and waited for about a minute and he didn't come to the door. Therefore, I assumed that he wasn't home becuase I put my ear to the door and couldn't hear anything. I knocked again...louder this time. He came to the door 30 seconds later and he was on the phone.

He was shocked to see me and told me to "wait a minute" and he then went back inside, closed the door and locked it. I heard him speaking on the phone when he was inside. I couldn't believe he would act like this to me...after all I do to be a good friend to him.

When he was done on the phone about a minute later, he comes and unlocks the door. He stands at the door and asks me "why are you here? you should have called or texted me first before showing up." I told him that I wanted to see him because I had a bad day at work and I needed someone to talk to. Also that I hadn't seen him in a while or during the weekend. I ask if I could come inside and talk to him, he told me "no" and that he was watching a movie and just needed to be alone. He seemed kinda depressed.

So, I ask him why he wants to be alone and doesn't wanna have his friends around. He tells me that it's because he just started the new job and he works hard all day and when he comes home he can't handle anyone around him and he just wants to take a shower and rest. He also told me that because of the court case for his DUI, he needs to not be around his friends for awhile. He said that his mom and lawyer told him that he needs to lay-low and not be around too many people until the court case is closed. I tell him that we all still need friends in our lives especially when they're we're through life's situations.

I then asked him if he had already eaten dinner. He replied, "naw...not yet." I said to him, "well, I'm kinda hungry too, you wanna go grab some food?" He says "no, I'm ok." This really surprised me because he would never say no to us going to get some dinner together. There was a point when we would eat dinner together every single day of the week.

So, I still ask him if I could come in just for a couple of minutes because I need to speak to him about what was going on lately in my life and I need someone to talk to about it. He still refuses to let me in, so I just give him and hug and leave. I tell him "Ok...I'm gonna leave...I love you bro", he says to me "yeah bro...see ya, be safe...love you too". Then I leave his building.

Tonight, I have come to the conclusion that "A" just doesn't want me to be around him because he's going through alot with the DUI case. Another thing that I didn't mention earlier is that he's not in perfect mental condition. Also, he sometimes thinks like a little kid even-though he is 24 now. He really wants to get his license back...so he listens to when his mom tells him that maybe he needs to stay away from his friends for awhile until the case is over. He told me that the person he was on the phone with when I first got there was his lawyer and that he didn't want him to hear anyone in the background.

Hopefully after "A"'s court case is closed, we can pick up again where we left off and be close friends again. Maybe he'll wanna hang out again. Until then I'll have to come to terms with understanding that he is not gonna call me, text me, or ask me to come over and chill.

And maybe I need to grow up and get over my feelings for this guy.

 

[AlmondMilk]

Well, it's hard to get over someone you have feelings for. I hope for the best. If anything, once the situation is settled, I hope he calls you and you get to resume your friendship. It must be hard, but for now, leaving him alone like what you're planning is the best. He'll come around when he's ready.

 

[diamondstar]

@JeffyJeff: LET FRIEND "A" ROT! Obviously, he is too much of a jealous bitch to see what he's about to lose. Ur trying to be the bigger man, but at this point it isn't worth it. Stop caring about a Mother "F" who obvious is too wrapped up in his bs to see he has someone who loves him more than themselves. U deserve better and he ain't it. Move on. Despite none of the benefits, U still have friend "B". I would had killed to have someone "a man" comfort me during my depression besides my mother and this jackass keeps pushing U alway. Screw him "not literally lol" and move on. He's not worth the drama. Peace and take care.

 

[JeffyJeff]

Well, it's hard to get over someone you have feelings for. I hope for the best. If anything, once the situation is settled, I hope he calls you and you get to resume your friendship. It must be hard, but for now, leaving him alone like what you're planning is the best. He'll come around when he's ready.

Yeah, that's what I plan to do. I won't call, text or stop by his place to say what's up to him. The case should be resolved at the end of next month. By then either two things will happen. He'll miss me being around or he'll get use to me not being around anymore and not reach out to me again. I hope that doesn't happen.