Guy From Work

[Eeyore]

I'm sure you've read the same type of story here a billion times, but bear with me. I just really need to vent some of my feelings, so here goes.

There's a guy a work with, and I think I'm falling for him. When we first met, I remember thinking he was OK, but didn't really seem my type, at least in a physical sense. Now that I've gotten to know him, I really enjoy talking with him, and would really like to get to know him a lot better.

I'm literally sitting here right now thinking about how it sucked that he didn't work today, and tomorrow we have completely different shifts so I probably won't see him tomorrow either. I kinda feel sad that it will have been a whole two days before I get to see him again.

Now the real problem is that I work with him. Even if he were interested, starting a relationship with someone I work with could possibly end up messing up my work environment, as well as his. However, I'm fairly certain he's straight, with only maybe a tiny chance he might be willing to do something with a guy, but most likely only a one time thing.

Then there's the problem of whether or not to let on that I do like him. If I do, and he takes it badly it's going to make working with him difficult. Of course, if he's open to the possibility of something and I don't let on, I might miss my chance.

Any advice, thoughts, or similar stories to share?s

 

[G-Lexington]

Oh, bother.

My first thought is this. Let's say you find out he's straight. As in absolutely, no-doubt-about-it straight. Would that help you get over him?

Lex

 

[Seasoned]

It's never a good idea to mix love, romance and or sex in the work environment. Your work situation is complicated by the fact that you are gay and in the closet. Don't confuse someone being nice to you with love. Examine what you like about this guy and then look for those qualities in a guy who can reciprocate.

 

[Eeyore]

Oh, bother.

My first thought is this. Let's say you find out he's straight. As in absolutely, no-doubt-about-it straight. Would that help you get over him?

Lex

It might help some, but once I find myself liking someone like this really the only thing I can do to get over them is to just distance myself and give it time. Given that I work with him the distance thing could prove to be a problem.

I'm sure I'll figure out some way to deal with it. It's just not often I find myself liking someone in this way. It makes things a little more complicated than the usual, "Oh he's hot I'd totally sleep with him, and not much else" scenario.

 

[spencer]

Now is probably not the time to have a bad situation at work. These days, if you lose your job it will take a long time to find another one.

 

[Lube]

How do you expect to do anything if he doesn't know you're gay?

How do you plan on coming out to him?

 

[texan_slant]

What Lube said ^^^

If you need to pose the question, then you've already answered it ;-)

 

[Eeyore]

I've been meaning to reply for a little while, but I've just been too busy/tired to bother typing out a response.


I'm not exactly in the closet at work. I'm not broadcasting the fact that I'm gay, but I'm not actively trying to hide it either. A good majority of my coworkers know, but ironically enough the guy I like is one of the few who doesn't, I think, maybe he does now.

That said, yesterday would have been a perfect day to let it be known that I like him, but I didn't. By the time I would have been able to tell him, he was already having a bad day and pretty bummed out, and I didn't want to throw more shit at him to deal with.

I'm not even sure what his schedule is this week, but I know I won't see him for at least 2 days. After that I'll be working doubles three days in a row so I'm sure I'll see him in there somewhere.

 

[Lube]

Thanks for the info. Good luck this week. And let us know what happens!

 

[Eeyore]

Just a quick update for anyone interested:

We're definitely talking a lot more at work now and I think things are moving towards hanging out outside of work some time.

Other than that not a whole lot's going on. Although tonight I did get to hear about the time he got drunk and woke up the next morning naked on a friend's couch. If only I knew this guy before...

 

[Lube]

So now he knows you're gay?

 

[Eeyore]

Not quite, I mean, he might have found out from things I've said, or other people, but I haven't flat out said it to him yet. It's hard to find decent chunks of time to have a real conversation at work.

There have been a few times I've wanted to say something to him, but it always seems something comes up that ends up ruining the moment.

Like on Saturday night, we work in a restaurant, and ended up working a party together. Well, normally, that requires a lot of teamwork, and so there's a lot of one on one time to talk with someone while doing it. As luck would have it though, the party was horrible, and he ended up getting so frustrated with things the manager sent him home early.

Yesterday didn't really present much time to talk, and most of that was me asking if he was doing ok from the night before. He left before I did, and won't be back at work till Friday, so now I've just got to wait a few days.

 

[Lube]

OK, those sound like reasonable excuses... but don't let excuses get in the way next time. Just tell him, and continue the conversation so there isn't any dead space. Good luck.

 

[Eeyore]

Been a while, and I'll admit I kinda forgot about this thread, but I'm gonna post an update for anyone who might be interested, and maybe vent a little.

So it's about 3 months since my last post, and in the meantime things have changed quite a bit. His best friend starting working with us, and his friend and my roommate have sort of hit it off, so we hang out a lot more often now.

We had a conversation not too long about about how I feel about him. I told him I like him, and he said he had figured that for a while now, but didn't really know what to do since he'd never been in a situation like this before. He told me he thought it was really brave to be as open about it as I was.

I told him that I respected the fact that he's straight, and that I'd never intentionally do anything to make him feel uncomfortable. I said I'd try to get over my feelings for him and just be a good friend. He said he felt bad that I had to end feelings for him, that it was something people shouldn't have to do and he was sorry.

Since then it seems he's almost opened up to me more. He's more willing to talk with me and start conversations, when before I was usually the one to initiate and sort of communication.

The main reason I'm here though, is that yesterday another coworker and I were having lunch after our shifts(we have regular lunch dates like this), and he decided to eat too. We invited him to sit with us, but he politely declined and told us he wanted to sit at a different table so he could watch the game on one of the TVs. Several times my friend caught him staring at us instead of the game and called him out on it. He ended up leaving in a hurry without even saying goodbye or anything.


I don't know, maybe I'm just desperately grasping at straws here and finding meaning where there is none. I'm really trying hard to get over my feelings for him, because as far as I can tell nothing's going to happen, but there's still a small part of me that clings to hope. The fact that he's been so cool with things since I told him I had a major crush on him really hasn't helped either.

 

[joeG23]

focus on him being your friend, not your boy friend. If things develop great, if they don't you still have a friend, and believe me man they are like gold dust. Best of luck, Joe

 

[Audio Tech]

I've been in that situation, though I never admitted I was attracted to him because he IS straight and had a girlfriend (now married). But we did have an amazing time for about 2 years that included everything BUT sex. I'll always fondly remember the almost intimate friendship we had, but I left that job and he since married his girl and had 3 kids. We still talk from time to time, but I do know that work and potential relationships rarely ever mix. It was hard enough just having a very close friendship.

It was very stressful to work with someone I really wanted to bone at night, but couldn't.

Take it as you wish, but I'd at least try to avoid work crushes. Too much grief. I actually quit that job because it ate me up inside and I couldn't just kill how I felt.

I still think about him every day. Dear GOD he was cute, and a truly genuine person.

If only..... In the end, we are still friends. Just friends. And that's ok.

Don't put yourself in that position unless you are willing to ride out the emotional roller coaster you'll be on.

 

[TX-Beau]

...I'm just desperately grasping at straws here and finding meaning where there is none. I'm really trying hard to get over my feelings for him, because as far as I can tell nothing's going to happen, but there's still a small part of me that clings to hope. The fact that he's been so cool with things since I told him I had a major crush on him really hasn't helped either.

Fixed it, and Emphasis mine.

"...Oh my god he looked in my general direction, and went to see a Reese Witherspoon movie..."

You get the point.

The fastest way to get over someone is to go find a nice, happy, bouncy, gay boy to bounce all over you.

 

[G-Lexington]

Exactly. Stop squeezing the rock praying for water when there are plenty of wet sponges around.

Since this guy hasn't seemed to have any issue dealing with you before, and say he's straight...any chance he was actually checking out HER? Several of my straight friends have admitted to me that they wish they could talk to straight (attractive) women as easily as I do...

Lex

 

[rareboy]

Oh snap out of it.

Mooning over the guy you can't have is always a lot easier than risking rejection and heartbreak from the ones you could, but heavens to Betsy, what a waste of a life.

He's acknowledged your interest. He hasn't acted on it.

Leave it alone and focus on being emotionally healthy.

 

[TX-Beau]

...Mooning over the guy you can't have is always a lot easier than risking rejection and heartbreak from the ones you could, but heavens to Betsy, what a waste of a life...

You know, every time I try to make this point, it never comes out quite this succinctly.