Guy giving my BF gifts

[sc123a]

Longtime lurker here, decided to post this to see what people's thoughts were.

My boyfriend has received several very nice gifts from one of his friends over the past few months. This individual lives in another state and I am aware that this friend has a strong interest in a relationship with my boyfriend, in fact they could have been together before we met but my BF says he isn't interested in anything more than friends.

I admit that this friend isn't one of my favorite people as I seriously question his motives. That being said I don't think that I would have a huge problem with these gifts if they were insignificant in value. In the past few months my boyfriend has recieved gifts of at least $1,000 in cash and a very expensive electronic item worth about as much as the cash. I suspect there may be other things I'm not aware of as well. Admitedly this guy can afford to be generous but it still makes me uncomfortable.

I guess my question here is am I being unreasonable to be a bit uncomfortable/irked about this or am I just over reacting?

 

[sixthson]

Why is your bf accepting expensive gifts? Even worse, why is he taking cash?

 

[Rolyo85]

No, I'd say you have reason to be uncomfortable. Your BF is not being entirely honorable here. I mean, he might not be interested in the guy, but accepting gifts of this value is not ok, and it seriously leads people on, which anyone with half a brain is aware of. So if he is not interested, he should give those back, or AT LEAST ask that the other guy not give him any new ones.

Just sounds sleazy that way. Money gifts are not ok. It always implies paying for a service.

 

[Rand]

Talk to your bf - - tell him you know that there is no reason for you to be jelous, but that you love him so much, you are. That you wish you could give him expensive gifts, but that all you have to offer is your love, your heart, your life.

In other words, be truthful with your bf and talk about your anxiety concerning the gifts.

wishing you the best -
Rand

 

[dhchitown1984]

Definitely say something! Regardless of the topic, Relationship Rule #1 in my book is: Communicate. If I feel uncomfortable about something enough to make a JUB thread, or ask my sister for advice, or talk to a friend for their opinion, then it bothers me enough to where I bring it up with my S/O.

You have a right to be concerned: Why is he giving the gifts? Is your BF ok with receiving them? Why does he take them? What is the other person's motive? Does your BF recognize that there may be an alterior motive? You won't feel better about it until you talk. Once you find out his answer, come back and let us know so we can offer more structured, long-term advice.

 

[racer2438]

You have aright to be irked, but you need to discuss this with your BF and have ahonest talk about what is going on.

But I think your bf should not be accepting these gifts and kindly return them, and refuse any others. The wshould be done out of respect for you and the relationship you both have.

Dont come off as all jealous but ask firm questions as to he thinks he needs to accept them. If you try to put up a wall between him and his friend that could back fire and come off the wrong way. So to be safe keep and eye/ear out for things that may lead to cheating, not saying he is but it could go that way.

 

[Seasoned]

There's nothing wrong with a raised eyebrow over this gift giving. I'd be concerned and certainly talk about it with my boyfriend. It's out of the norm and implies something. Just what needs to be determined.

Welcome to the forum.

 

[Kyanimal]

Sometimes, people with the resources will try to "buy" (even though they may not consider it as such) affection that they wish from a "crush". Then, again, it may not even be that "strong" of a wish. It may be something they consider quite "Normal". It's all about Their perception, which may not coincide with yours.

As for you BF accepting the gifts? Well ... that depends on His view of the situation between Him and his "Friend". Is HE accepting on behalf of not wanting to upset his friendship (meaning nothing "deeper")? OR, is he accepting merely because he likes, and appreciates, his friend's generosity?

It's definitely time to have a "Talk"! However, don't assume the worst, and let your BF fully explain his reasons for taking advantage of such generosity.

Wishing you "The Best"!

And, of course ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[sc123a]

Thanks for all of the feedback everyone! It was kind of nice to hear that at least I'm not the only one who feels just a bit uneasy about the situation.

Actually after the first $800 dollars showed up we did have a conversation about it and I told him I was pretty uncomfortable about the situation. He very begrudgingly offered to return it but we had just moved in a few weeks earlier and I was trying to avoid what I could see was heading toward a big argument so I told him to keep it. I was pretty sure he understood how uncomfortable I was with the situation.

A few weeks later the expensive electronics item showed up and then I know after that there was more money but I only found out about that by accident. I came home from work recently to find another package at the door from this friend. It led to a conversation where my BF didn't think the gifts were a problem.

My BF says that his friend is just generous and likes to give gifts. Kyanimal raises a good point that he may not want to create an awkward situation between he and the friend as there was a rough patch after my BF and I got together.

 

[Rolyo85]

Not good enough, in my book. This is not generosity. Generosity is buying someone dinner or paying for a movie. This is downpayment.

 

[Just_Believe18]

Yes, this is extremely bizarre. I have very close friends, some of them well to do, but they do not shower me with cash and expensive electronic gifts. I'm flexible about different types of friendships, but there is an unequal reciprocity of friendship going on here between your boyfriend and this wealthy man.

Have you tried communicating with this person? Or is this a secret friendship between your boyfriend and this guy? Since you are a couple, this guy should also be making an attempt at being friends with you. Perhaps if you try to include yourself in this, you'll see the true motivations of both sides here. After all, everyone wants more friends, right? Certainly this "generous friend" would like to have two of them instead of just one.

Keep us posted. Definitely a red flag here.