Half way out of the closet...

[stutter032]

For the past 4 years my close friends knew i was gay. A lot of people at my high school knew i was gay. I went to college and stepped back in the closet at first.

I never said i was straight, just did the whole don't ask don't tell thing. My 2 close friends my Freshmen year of college knew. This past year was my sophomore year. I went to a party my 3rd week at a fraternity. I was really drunk and having a good time. I was really interested in them. That night they took me into a private room and did the interview for a bid. I outed myself there, I was scared but drunk. They were cool with it. They ended up outing me! I guess they thought other people knew. So all my friends who knew them found out. I was fine with it. I ended up crossing I'm a brother now .

But the catch is my major is Architecture and we started out as a big class. Were down to only 18 people now. And were all so close. We practically live in the architecture studio and talk all night, don't sleep in days. Always working on hard projects. I love it. Were a little family. But I never outed my self. The only person who nows is my friend Dan. The only reason i told him is because he is going to be rooming with me next year. He was shocked. Said that everyone one else in the major is clueless. I guess there is few people they think might b gay but I'm not one of them. Back home my brother knows but we never talk about it. My dad hints at it and my stepmom says things like we just want to see our kids happy. We don't want to see them alone. So they know but i haven't admitted it.

My mom dosn't know. There still a good amount of people at home that don't. I'm always hanging out with either a day crowd or really straight crowd. I'm so close with my straight friends at home, and my architecture class that i feel like an ass for not telling them sooner but also i don't know how to??? or if i can!!!

I feel like its gona shock them. We are so close and for me to leave that out is huge. I say things like what i like in a person and things like that. Never lied to them but never was like o hey i like dick!!

I still can't seem to change that facebook from blank, to interested in men. I'm just lost. I always thought when i get a bf thats going to be how they all know. I'm not ashamed but i just don't know how to fully be out.. Sorry for the long post, thanks for reading.

 

[ziliphin01]

I don't see why anyone needs to know. Tell whoever you feel you need to tell and forget the rest. They don't need to know your sexual interests.. Up to you though.

 

[rareboy]

Architecture is full of closeted homos.

If you don't stand around and talk about them being straight, why should you talk about you being a homo?

If your bro knows, then your parents probably do too.

Why not just bring your bf's home like it was a natural thing to do? Let them meet your family.

And you owe your classmates nothing. Think of the shit they keep from you.

Just be natural and yourself. Again, if you have a party or something, why not bring a guy friend with you if you are seeing someone.

Also, wearing a marriage equality or rainbow t-shirt will be a pretty good tip-off to your classmates. Then let them raise the question if it is important to them to know.

And just be honest.

 

[stutter032]

Yea i due wear a NOH8 shirt if that counts!! and i have a sticker on my macbook. I know what you guys are saying i just feel like i'm being fake towards them, but then again im not.. idk its been on my mind alot

 

[TX-Beau]

Yeah, I’m going to differ. Letting people lie for you is still lying. On some level you know this or you wouldn’t be feeling the way you are. You wouldn’t feel like you were a fake if you didn’t already understand that.

Ask yourself, did you have a right to know these other people are straight? Sure you did. Hiding the truth from people you call friends is not being a friend frankly.

Sure there are a lot of guys who think that being gay is no one’s business. God knows there are plenty of them in here. That’s called the closet, and there are guys who are so afraid of what other people think that they live their entire lives in it, they will justify it in any way they can. Is that what you want? Always hiding, always worrying, always afraid of being discovered? Fuck that. I'm a gay man and I live my life on my terms and if the bigots don't like it, fuck them too.

That, is being out, and that's why it's liberating.

It’s as much someone’s business knowing you are gay as it is knowing if your friends are straight. Straight people out themselves all the damn time, do you think that they deserve the same consideration? They share that part of their lives with you, you get to know who they really are, how can they really become your friends if they don’t know who you are? Sooner or later, you’re going to have to overtly lie, or come out. Why is it that being straight is overtly public but being gay is no one’s business? We all know why. Is that how you want to live your life?

Then there are the practical considerations. The more you hide, the more isolated you get, not only because you have to suppress a huge part of your life, but also because you eliminate possibilities to meet guys who are going to ignore you if they think you’re straight.

Since lube isn’t here, I’m gong to channel him, don’t think you’re as sneaky as you think you are. People make guesses, I remember studio culture from college, and I know how insular and gossipy it gets, and when you’re in the closet your actions and your words aren’t matching. That gets noticed. They may not bring up the subject, they may think that’s being considerate, but people aren’t stupid. None of us are ever as well hidden as we think we are.

Then there is the self respect issue. It’s far easier to respect yourself if you stand your ground. Sometimes straight people may understand why gay men hide, and god knows it’s not always easy being out, but at least personally, I’d rather be the gay guy who stands up for himself, than the closet guy who only wants to hide.

So what do you do - you already know, out yourself. You don't have to make a big momentous thing about it, just let them know. If they freak, that's their fucking problem, and people with problems will usually stay out of your way anyway.

 

[stutter032]

Hey thanks for the feed back everyone. Studio starts in like a week and my class is down to 15 people. So its even smaller now, and hopefully what ever i due will just come natural. I feel like iv waited to long, and now it's just going to be so awkward.


TX-Beau you are so right about everything. We really do get into deep conversation, and everyone listens to me. I don't lie but I don't go into detail. I feel like I'm not being honest because I'm not telling the full story's or anything.

I remember studio culture from college, and I know how insular and gossipy it gets, and when you’re in the closet your actions and your words aren’t matching. That gets noticed. They may not bring up the subject, they may think that’s being considerate, but people aren’t stupid. None of us are ever as well hidden as we think we are.

This is so true ^

Everyone knows everything about everyone. There has been times that people covered for me, or change the subject when it comes to certain things. It's a relief when it happens. I never wanted to be one of thos peoples that are gay and everyone knows it, but they still try to act "straight". I never really was.. It's just seems harder with them then other people.

 

[KaraBulut]

Being gay means diffeent things to different people.

For some guys, it means being glitter fabulous rainbow flags and announcing to everyone they meet, "I like cock".

For other guys, it's about as interesting as the fact that they like pizza and have brown hair.

You have to decide where- between glitter-fab and I'm-gay-*yawn*- you want to be.

More than anything, it just sounds like you want to exhale. So, instead of trying to make it "an announcement", just stop concealing the truth, stop changing genders and just be honest when you have the opportunity to be.

"Yeah, I was dating a guy last year who was like that...".

"I had a great weekend, I went to dinner with my boyfriend and we went to a movie afterward. How was your weekend?"

"No, I can't go tonight- I have a Gay-Lesbian Students Association meeting that I have to go to. Maybe tomorrow instead?"

 

[Lube]

Since Lube isn’t here, I’m gong to channel him , don’t think you’re as sneaky as you think you are. People make guesses, I remember studio culture from college, and I know how insular and gossipy it gets, and when you’re in the closet your actions and your words aren’t matching. That gets noticed. They may not bring up the subject, they may think that’s being considerate, but people aren’t stupid. None of us are ever as well hidden as we think we are.

* jumps out of telephone booth with rainbow cape and skin-tight superhero outfit *

Ta-da! Lube is here to save the day!



Yeah, I agree with basically everything TX-Beau said, both quoted and unquoted.

And, yeah, being gay means different things to different people.

Me? I'm very casual about it, but I'm very out. My bf is a huge part of my life (as partners are in everyone's lives), so he often comes up in conversation, even with strangers.

Just this morning, I worked out with a new personal trainer, and I outed myself within the first 5 minutes. I didn't wave a pink or rainbow flag or use the word 'fabulous'. How'd I out myself? Well, the trainer asked me what I did this weekend. And I told him I had a birthday party for my bf. Which I did. (Facebook friends saw the fabulous steak salads. Oh, damn, I just used 'fabulous'!). No drama. No hesitation. No surprised looks. I just continued the conversation. (This is a tip I learned a few years ago from other JUBbers.)

No, you don't need to specifically announce your gayness, but really, it'll come out in any normal casual conversation within a few minutes. Don't sweat it.

 

[KaraBulut]

After School Special moment

Hmmm... I'll have to use that one in the future...

 

[PokerFace]

I'm not ashamed but i just don't know how to fully be out..

I get what u mean by that. I dont mind people knowing im gay i just dont know how to go about letting them know. Good luck .

 

[Lube]

i just dont know how to go about letting them know.

"That guy is hot!"

"Justin Timberlake is way hotter than Zac Efron" (or whomever)

"No, I didn't go to the movies/game/theatre/mall this weekend because I hate doing it alone. I wish I had a boyfriend to do that with."


There's a million ways to come out.