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Hard-on problems

S

SomeBoi

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I'm 18, and I'm beginning to think I have a form of erectile difficulty, my boyfriend jokes about it however convinces me I'm fine eventually. The problem is, I'll be making out with him, things will be getting steamy, take our clothes off and sometimes I won't be hard at all, or not that hard. As much as I want him, I'm just not feeling it down there, or I am and I'm not hard lol.

He's very supportive, it doesn't bother him at all... but it usually takes me a lot of stimulation to get really hard, add in some fingering, etc... and I'm usually always hard when he's fucking me. Or when he's blowing me and fingering me at the sametime.

So... it's no that I'm NEVER hard... it just takes a lot to get me hard, or when we're in the moment and he's rock solid I never am.

The odd thing is... when I jerk off, and I watch porn... I'm very hard right away. And no, it's not that I'm not attracted to my BF, he's really hot.

We talked about "porno addicts" and porno freaks that NEED porn... am I turning into one of those? Is there anyway to reverse this, stop watching porn maybe and jerk off without anything... if that doesn't work, what else can I do to start getting harder?

I know.. this is a silly question... and worrying creates anxiety, and nothing deflates it more than anxiety and thinking you need to be hard. I just don't know what to do or how to eliminate the thoughts from my mind :P -- as it really ruins the moment for me, and I know he wants to get fucked by me, but when I do start sticking it in the thoughts of "oh man I really need to stay hard etc.." enter my mind and I start going down.

Thanks for any help
 
The most frequent problem with someone your age is the mental process. The brain is the largest sex organ you have, but if there are other things going on at the time, it can cause distractions. Stress, performance anxiety, unresolved issues, all sorts of things can be the cause. You get hard when viewing porn and j/o but usually when doing so, you are concentrating on those activities nearly totally.

I wouldn't be none too worried about it at this time. If the mood is happening, just learn to shut off everything else and give as much full attention to the fun at hand. You are just fine.
 
Thanks :)

I don't know how to learn how to shut everything off just like I j/o though... I think a lot of it is performance anxiety. I talk to my b/f about it quite a bit, but I still experience it.
 
SomeBoi said:
Thanks :)

I don't know how to learn how to shut everything off just like I j/o though... I think a lot of it is performance anxiety. I talk to my b/f about it quite a bit, but I still experience it.
Click to expand...

Yeap, you've said it yourself - it's "anxiety" and that's something in your head. It's all about your confidence and perhaps, you're worried (somehow subtly deep inside) that you ain't good enough or somethin.

You've got a wonderful and most supportive boyfriend with you so don't be afraid. He's there to reassure you that you're just fine, and over time, I think your head will just grow to become more confident and then you'll see the difference down there!

All the best.
 
The porn may have something to do with it. I used to jerk-off to porn a long time ago and it actually started to affect my arousal when I was actually having sex. So I stopped, and things went back to normal.

I would definitely try cutting down on the porn. If you watch it, don't jack off to it. If you want to jack off, jack off after you're done watching.

What may be happening is your mind is being overstimulated by a visual, third-person perspective of sex via pornography. Therefore, when you actually do have sex, the anxiety of not being in that third-person role of watching affects your arousal.

I am very serious that this could be the case. There's no harm in trying. I'd also solo less and enjoy your boyfriend more if sex comes easy between you.
 
I think "Just_Believe18" and other's have it right. The brain is so important to sex and you can "train" the brain with the way you solo.

If you can, ignore the porn and concentrate on the BF
 
Oh, I only jerk off because I have to. We live apart, and about an hour away. So we only see each other on the weekends or big holidays... so during the week sometimes I feel the need.

Thanks guys, I'll try that. I'm calling off the porn totally, and will j/o less also. And when I do j/o, I'll think about my BF and not watch anything, just have my own thoughts.

Hope that works, as it's getting a little depressing when I actually am with him, and worry about getting erect right away.... and all the performance anxiety jazz :(
 
Personally, i'd call that a blessing. Some of us get hard too quick no matter what we're doing.
 
Maybe u should leave the porn on while fucking your boyfriend

When i fuck my fuck buddy i have a bunch of porn pics on scroll mode the computer screen.
 
Well I can't agree with ok because when we have sex it should be with our partner in a setting of intimacy or our partner becomes little more than a sex receptacle, an object rather than our partner. IMHO.
 
Mate...

Trust me...it happens to most of us and will happen to nearly all of us at some stage or another.

Just relax, be calm.... and most importantly live in the moment. Feel the small things..his heat, his breath on you, his smell, his taste...let your senses be distracted by the moment and let your brain do its thing...

Its just a matter of taking your time, saying so what when it happens, knowing that you'll be ok in a little while and just enjoying the time you spend together.

And mate theres nothing to say you have to get off every time you are together...dont feel that pressure. Sometimes its his turn sometimes yours.

Just dont turn this into a big deal...its normal. Relax take your time, live in the moment and enjoy the sensations of being intimate...whether you get off or not. Theres plenty to enjoy when you are close to someone you love and who cares for you.

It'll be fine. It'll pass when you let go...try it a few times...it'll take some practise...but sooner or later you'll be like a rock. Guaranteed!
 
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