Have i done the right thing

[monkey555]

I need some help from men how have had some experience in a gay relationship.
i am only 18 and this is my first relationship with a guy who has a lot of years over me. I hardly ever see him because has been working over this holiday period and he will tell me that something will happen on a certain day but something with work comes up at the last minute and he has to go do that instead of spending planned time with me. like just right now he is over in New Zealand and he was suppose to be back today but he told me this morning that he will be there for a few more days we where suppose to go to Sydney for the week starting tomorrow. so i sent him a message this morning saying that we should just put this relationship on hold.
Just wondering have i done the right thing for us.

 

[ashonfire]

Sounds fair to me, really should have called rather than messaged him though, explained how you were feeling and all that relationship-type stuff.

 

[monkey555]

well he was still working and he never answers his phone while he is with someone because he is not out at his old work

 

[monkey555]

Thanks MoltenRock and your job sounds just like his.

 

[shotgun17]

long distant relationships sucks

 

[Eagle653]

Depending on the job, it can be demanding. And, sudden changes can occur with certain positions.

To me, it depends on how it's handled when something comes up. For example, does he (profusely) apologize? Can you detect genuine disappointment in him that he must change plans? Does he make plans, but realistically tell you that something may come up and he'll have to modify (or change, or cancel) them? Or, do they always come as a surprise?

Depending on how he handles setting up the plans (given the apparent nature of his job), and handles changing plans once they're made, suggests what kind of person he is, and how sensitive he is to your needs and wants, too.

Next time you're face-to-face with him, tell him how you're feeling, and tell him how disappointing it is to change plans at the last minute. Listen to his side of the story, though, and judge how plausible it is. Then, follow your instincts. You're either dealing with someone who is a busy professional and these things come with his territory, OR you are dealing with an insensitive clod who cares little about your needs and feelings and will walk all over them as long as you permit it.

Good luck with this. I hope it turns out OK. Keep in touch with us and let us know how it's going.

 

[monkey555]

he has only said sorry once and that was for the two week wait and that he would make it up to me but this time he didn't say sorry but that he would call in an hour to chat but now it has been three hours and he hasn't called but this is normal. and i have done the face to face thing with him but then he starts his sentence off with but you have to understand my role in the company which i do but he can't understand to give me an update on anything by message and i do that for him.

 

[slickery]

You two are obviously in different places both physically and in life.

It sounds like you did the right thing though. No point stressing yourself out over it. Also youre 18, there's no need to be dating someone that much older then you at this moment in your life because there are so many guys your age out there. It's also very easy for younger guys to get hooked on an older man.

 

[KaraBulut]

While putting your relationship on hold is a good idea, you need to give some thought to whether it would be better to end it.

Long term relationships can work but it has to have a strong friendship base. It's very difficult to form that friendship if you don't have much opportunity to be together and get to know each other.

It's also a little odd that he is away and working so much over the holidays. The holidays are typically a time where people work less and are home more. Unless of course they have another person that they are spending their holiday time with...