Haven't been able to orgasm for 6 years now

[tabris]

I'm 21, and since I was 16, I've been on a lengthy list of constantly-changing (in terms of medications and dosages) medications for depression / bipolar disorder. While these past years have been bad in terms of non-sexual side effects, particularly the mental ones (turned me into an emotional zombie, and absolutely killed my short-term and long-term memory - I was a high-honors student before, but then typically got B's and C's as I couldn't remember/retain information), I'd like to mention the sexual ones and ask if anyone can give any tips!

In the early years, I remember while getting/maintaining an erection was more difficult but not impossible, the most noticeable effect was an inability to orgasm; mind you, I could masturbate and ejaculate (then the meds make it take longer as well), but there was no pleasurable feeling whatsoever. This has stayed the same for the past six years, despite hundreds of 'tweaks' (I've been on at least 40 different medications, though I'm usually on at least 3 or 4 at the same time). In the later part of these six years, my interest in anything sexual has declined to become practically non-existent; I don't tend to think of anything sex-related, and if I see anything related to any material that should/would arouse me it will almost seem .... boring? I only continue masturbating occasionally to see if anything EVER changes ... which of course it hasn't.

In the past year or so, I changed psychiatrists and am now on a regimen of much less medications than I was (only two now), which seems much more effective (for months I haven't had any depression problems, and my cognitive skills are improving). I am no longer on any medication with known sexual side effects, and in fact am taking Wellbutrin, which is supposed to help in that area.

So why am I writing this post, if things are getting better? I have been off the medications with sexual side-effects for several months now, and had already been on Wellbutrin for years before that, which is now increased in dosage (and that was already like 3 months ago, and my doctor said I should see the full result in 6-8 weeks) ... but the only result has been an increase in the ability to get an erection from looking at or thinking of things - before I could only get an erection from starting to masturbate. Though, these erections don't last very long, and I can't really maintain them well even WHILE masturbating. I can ejaculate fine, but still can't orgasm at all. Changing techniques, looking at or thinking of things while masturbating (lol like that would do anything), ... nothing I can think of changes anything in the least.

My doctor says it can't be medication-related any more, and must be either psychological or physiological. I had been thinking/hoping for a long time that when I went off these medications, my sexual functionality would return ... but now I feel crushed. Will I never be able to have a sexual appetite, maintain an erection, or orgasm again? I'm at a loss at what to do.

On a barely related note, I have a below-average size penis (4.75" long), that hasn't grown at all since I was 16 - however, my identical twin brother is more than an inch longer than me (and therefore at the lower margin of 'above average'), and he didn't go through a period of medications like I have been doing. I wonder if these years of medication have somehow stunted my growth; but now, I'm too old to grow any more. I only asked him his size info because he gets around with guy like a horny rabbit on Viagra, and I thought if he was a similar size but managed to do so well, it would be a huge confidence-booster ... now I feel even worse. I've seen so many guys on other forums talk about their ideal size for potential partners, which is usually at least 6", with 5" being the absolute cut-off to "tolerate".

Even if I were functioning completely fine sexually, I'd still be hugely reluctant to have any sexual or romantic encounters/relationships of any kind ... I can only imagine (extreme case scenario) dating a guy for a few months and taking it really slow, with us getting along well and being into each other, and then when he finally sees me with my pants down he goes ROFL and walks away, cutting off contact with me. And if I wouldn't even feel comfortable about THAT kind of situation, you can imagine how even MORE reluctant I would feel about hooking up or being in a faster-paced more casual relationship; I don't think those would even be possible. Unless I'm with someone around my size or smaller, or someone who who was desperate and felt 'anyone would do'.

Taking both my sexual dysfunction and penile size into account, I see no way I can have any kind of romantic or sexual aspect to my life in the future; I can't even masturbate while being single, really, since there's no point to it anyway as I don't feel a thing (which leads me to also remember I forgot to note that whereas I used to be much more sensitive in both respects, my penis is only more of an erogenous zone than any other part of my body - I can stroke it and ejaculate, but even the act of touching it has no pleasure or sensation different than I might get from, say, rubbing my cheek. I can even touch it with sharp objects like a thumbtack and feel little out of the ordinary. My prostate is basically the same as poking my Adam's apple - it's there, and I can feel it, but why would I? It was hugely pleasurable before medications, though.

The worst part is, I've felt like this for so long that I've become used to it, I almost feel like a celibate lifestyle is tolerable, if not ideal. In the back of my head I'm screaming, of course, but I don't really know what else I can do.

Has anyone else experienced an inability to orgasm (but not affecting ejaculation) from taking psychiatric medications, and did it ever go away? If my symptoms are no longer medicine-related, what is there to do? Is loss of sensitivity as I have described simply something to be expected to happen as one gets older (though a bit faster-paced in my case, I guess)?

Sorry about the long post; I have a tendency to do that ...

On a more positive note, the piece of cake I just ate now was delicious. In the past few months I have noticed a quite unintentional but rapid loss of weight (I just lost three inches in waist sizes for pants), probably related to the doubling of Wellbutrin dosage (known to suppress appetite) and being taken off another medication which increased my appetite so I'm eating all the junk I want in order to get some of it back since I look practically anorexic.

 

[onetwothreefour]

I'm really sorry for all that. I started going through the madness that is the psychiatric system when I was just a bit younger than you. I am glad you were able to get off some of your meds. I am 28 and stuck on meds that impair me cognitively in terms of memory in an awful way as well (benzos...an idiot doctor put me on benzos as a kid indefinitely without any warnings if you can believe it). I was the exact same way--straight A student, and now it's very difficult for me to learn new information.

I don't have any advice regarding sex, but I would only add that I had the absolute same worries about puberty development as you. My penis is either average or below average in length and I have very little hair anywhere on my body, although strangely I started growing a beard (it's patchy though) after 25 or so. And I'm still discovering small growths of new hair at 28 every now and again. I have wondered the exact same thoughts you do about whether the drugs stunted my sexual maturation, and I guess I still wonder to a degree, but I don't know that we can know.

I have very low sex drive, and I am sure it is partially related to the meds as well. However, I did convince a doctor to do a testosterone test on me which came up low. I think the level was 200 something. It was low normal I think. But anyway I have a follow up test which is supposedly more accurate but scheduling it has been difficult. Just a thought you could test for that.

You could be tested for other possibilities. It could also be that you have been forced through no fault or your own to look at masturbation and orgasm as a challenge. And you said you continued to try to masturbate to see if something would happen, which also through no fault of your own, makes it almost like a scientific experiment.

I am not a psychologist or doctor, and I still think you should pursue other avenues, but it wouldn't hurt to try relaxation and getting to know yourself sexually in a very relaxed way with no expectations of having an erection or orgasm. Just play with yourself and enjoy yourself while you relax. Almost like you would do foreplay for another partner, you can do for yourself. Like let your entire body go limp and heavy in the bed and then just tickle yourself on your balls and cock with a feather or something like that would feel good, and just do it for the sake of enjoying yourself rather than worrying about what does or doesn't come next.

EDIT: Also, I wanted to comment on your despair about sex and relationships. I am also not a good one to speak on this as someone who has never dated and is a virgin. But when I look at the real life relationships I see people in, they are so much about the individual people and them being together, and sex is something they do, but it's not the end all be all (you'll probably find more people say it is on a forum like this one). And a lot of people wouldn't know size penis is common or not common, and have probably never read forums or written on forums where people say they will only tolerate this size penis. Granted, most of the relationships I know of are straight ones, but I can't imagine real life people saying they would not have a meaningful relationship with someone over penis size. It almost seems laughable that someone would say that, as to me at least, and I think to a lot of people it's sort of an irrelevant statistic. People have sex, and people are sexual creatures, but look at all the fat weird looking couples in the world that are sexing it up. I think average real people just have sex and don't care about these perfections that people in the porn world are looking for. I could be wrong as I told you my lack of credentials. But I don't think I am.

 

[KaraBulut]

Probably the best thing you did was change psychiatrists. You were on too many meds and that's far too many side effects to endure because of it.

The anti-depressants are notorious for causing sexual dysfunction. It can be at either extreme- the inability to get an erection is a common side effect. But probably the most annoying side effect is a normal or better than normal erection but the feeling of detachment- like you can't really feel pleasure during sex or you can't ejaculate even though you're able to perform sexually.

At this point, it does sound like you've cleared the meds out of your system and you should be getting closer to a feeling of normal sexual function. Since you haven't, it's time to see a urologist. The urologist will need to do a physical exam and will probably want to test your hormone levels.

Oh- and one of the most unfortunate side effects of psychiatric meds in children and adolscents is appetite increase and weight gain. So, now that you're off all the meds, the weight loss may just be your body returning to normal. Since you have a twin, you should have an idea of about what a "normal" body size is for you and that should be about where you end up.

 

[mbamike]

WOW! I got the impression that you are putting too much emphasis on the orgasm. While I agree this is the ultimate goal, you are putting the cart before the horse to use a southern expression.

I agree with onetwothreefour that you need to relax. You most definitely have analyzed your situation from all angles; I tend to do the same thing, but unless you learn to relax while masturbating, it will all just be mechanical acts.

There are a good number of guys on the hook up sites who just want to cuddle and do oral. I get a lot of satisfaction from just cuddling myself. There is something about feeling that hot, naked body next to mine that seems to recharge my batteries.

Think of these guys as sexual therapist who are providing therapeutic contact to help you with your sexual dysfunctions if hooking up is distasteful to you. OR you can do as your twin is doing and just sleep around.

Then once you reach a point where you can be relaxed while cuddling with a guy, you can move on to actually fucking or getting fuck. I will say you will learn some love making techniques in the process too which will build up your confidence.

Then with your relaxed frame of mind and improved self confidence, you will be ready to have a meaningful, sexual relationship with someone you love.

I agree with KaraBulut also that you should see an urologist to insure everything is working properly.

 

[Shookone88]

I used to take Lexapro in my early years at college and I was unable to get a good stream going in the bathroom and unable to orgasm at all.

I quit taking the SSRI and everything went back to normal. I think these drugs create more problems than they fix..

The only thing I did wrong was quit suddenly cold turkey, it gave me some nasty side effects. If you are going to quit you need to lower the dosage slowly until you are completely done. Trust me on this.

 

[Shookone88]

In addition, I know it sounds weird but I always get a high after a good workout in the gym. I didnt read the entire original post but if you haven't tried it I suggest starting a workout plan

 

[jason1977]

There is something called "SSRI discontinuation syndrome" and also something called "Post-SSRI sexual dysfunction." Although it doesn't affect everyone, there apparently have been some people that have STOPPED using SSRIs and yet have continued with sexual side-effects. Do a search on Wikipedia for these two things.

You could also read the article on onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1743-6109.2007.00630.x/full