Havin a bit of problems at work (trying to remain in the closet)

[Sexpun de Come]

So I'm 18 and I'm working fast food to pay for college for now. I'm also in the closet and would like to stay that way until I work up the courage to tell my family.

My problem though is we hired a new person at work who seems to be really interested in my sex life (or lack thereof). When he found out that I haven't slept with a woman yet (for obvious reasons -.-) he decided that he was gonna become my sexual mentor and work up my courage by getting me to complimenting women in drive-through. When he noticed my unwillingness to do that (again; for obvious reasons) he started jokingly asking me if I was "Playin for the other team."

It started out with him just joking around, but I think he's genuinely noticing that I have zero interest in women and is looking to out me. I just can't get him to leave me the hell alone about it and he brings it up every single time I see him. Alot of people's response would be to go to a manager, but my managers are incredibly leniant on behavior like that there, so that's out.

Look; I wanna come out of the closet some day, but I don't want it to be because some 30 year old sex fiend at fast food had a hard time living vicariously through a teenage gay man. I didn't really have anyone to confide to for support, so I figured there might be a few other JustUsBoys members who have some experience with this.

 

[HunterM]

If you can't stand his behavior and want it to stop, then you should file an official complaint to your manager. Tell your manager that it makes you uncomfortable at the work place. He does not act professional. If your manager does not take care of the situation, file another complaint to your manager. Keep bugging him. You have to be consistent.

 

[chrisw87]

If you can't stand his behavior and want it to stop, then you should file an official complaint to your manager. Tell your manager that it makes you uncomfortable at the work place. He does not act professional. If your manager does not take care of the situation, file another complaint to your manager. Keep bugging him. You have to be consistent.

Only need to file one complaint. If it goes un-resolved you refer it to their head office. Despite being franchises most of the time, they still have to comply with the law and keep the reputation of the company as being a legal and stable work environment.

And yes, topics like this can be classed as sexual harassment / bullying in the workplace. My manager had to reply to sexual harassment claims for simply telling one of our female staff not to wear bright fluro pink underwear below her white work uniform.

 

[evanrick]

So I'm 18 and I'm working fast food to pay for college for now. I'm also in the closet and would like to stay that way until I work up the courage to tell my family.

My problem though is we hired a new person at work who seems to be really interested in my sex life (or lack thereof). When he found out that I haven't slept with a woman yet (for obvious reasons -.-) he decided that he was gonna become my sexual mentor and work up my courage by getting me to complimenting women in drive-through. When he noticed my unwillingness to do that (again; for obvious reasons) he started jokingly asking me if I was "Playin for the other team."

It started out with him just joking around, but I think he's genuinely noticing that I have zero interest in women and is looking to out me. I just can't get him to leave me the hell alone about it and he brings it up every single time I see him. Alot of people's response would be to go to a manager, but my managers are incredibly leniant on behavior like that there, so that's out.

Look; I wanna come out of the closet some day, but I don't want it to be because some 30 year old sex fiend at fast food had a hard time living vicariously through a teenage gay man. I didn't really have anyone to confide to for support, so I figured there might be a few other JustUsBoys members who have some experience with this.

this is how guys get to know if your gay or not. i know a guy at work that does this to me and i have no idea why, its not hard to guess that im gay and half the men that work there are gay or bi and i know hes pretty gay.

so what do you do? turn the questions around on him, put him on the defensive or tell him its none of his business.

 

[lambdaboy]

Best way to start is tell him I do not want to discuss my sex life I am here to work so thanks but no thanks. Do that before you get the guy fired with a complaint. If he persists just say look I don't want to file a complaint but I will if you do not stop.

 

[jensu846]

i worked at McD's when I was 18 and was in the closet. One coworker would sing the song from Gin Blossoms "Found out about you" every time I would come into work. I kept asking him what he meant by that, he would smile and, walk away. Then he started rumors that I was gay to everyone. I hated it, and couldnt go to anyone either, so I get where youre coming from. I ended up quitting, it was getting too awkward. Unded up coming out when I was 27. I dont really know what advice I can give you, just know that you arent alone. Maybe hes gay, and this is his way of finding out if you are. maybe try turning it on him? good luck man!

 

[racer2438]

THat's on the verge of sexuall hasrassment and needs to stop ASAP. But only you can do it. You need to let management know what has happen, and tell them you want it stopped now.

You could also tell the guy before hand that you don't want to discuss this any longer and the if he continues you will have to tell the mgr and see what he does.

But then he may get pissed and make up shit that you started to talk about it w/him. So maybe just tell the mgr first and let it go through nornal channels and let the process work. He may/may not lose his job since he just started and that should not and is not your problem..

 

[Sexpun de Come]

I'm probably gonna have to tell him upfront that it makes me uncomfortable and that I don't want to talk about it. But at the same time I'm afraid that he'll say something along the lines of "Why does it make you uncomfortable? What are you gay?"

Ahh it's just a pain in the ass situation. I wish straight men would just realize that it's really none of their damn business. :/

I could go to a manager, because they like me there, but at the same time our store has more sexual harassment than a hooters.

 

[shainski]

hmmm! You're working your way through college in this fast food place - but he is 30 and this is his career.

I would say you have the upper hand - ultimately. But i understand where you are coming from. The problem with going to management is that you are kind of outing yourself.

But he is this self-proclaimed Don Juan. How can you make him as self-conscious as he is making you?

I might consider playing the religious card. (You say he knows that you haven't slept with a woman - well there is more than one reason why that might be the case). So you letting a comment like this out.

"I was discussing you with my religious adviser. He was asking me if you were saved. I told him i would ask."

You don't need to say anything about what you believe or don't believe. You just have to present it as a topic that he is unlikely to want to pursue - and perhaps make you someone he would rather avoid.

 

[altlover85]

Best way to start is tell him I do not want to discuss my sex life I am here to work so thanks but no thanks. Do that before you get the guy fired with a complaint. If he persists just say look I don't want to file a complaint but I will if you do not stop.

Personally, I think this is the best approach.

And if he says anything back to you and questions if you're gay, just say you don't ask him about his sex life and you would prefer it if he didn't ask you about yours. If he precedes further, then file the complaint after that shift.

I might consider playing the religious card. (You say he knows that you haven't slept with a woman - well there is more than one reason why that might be the case). So you letting a comment like this out.

"I was discussing you with my religious adviser. He was asking me if you were saved. I told him i would ask."

You don't need to say anything about what you believe or don't believe. You just have to present it as a topic that he is unlikely to want to pursue - and perhaps make you someone he would rather avoid.

I had never thought of that approach.

 

[Georgiadude]

I had a similar situation when I was 20. I was working as a paramedic and worked for a terrible company. It was worse than a frat house on crack. I'm a fairly shy, quiet person and tried to stay clear of the idiots that worked there. The worst of them was the "lead" paramedic. omg. I've never met a bigger jackass. He kept making comments and wondering why I wasn't into joining the group for their talks about the women they were screwing and cheating on their wives etc. I just told him I was a religious person and was saving myself for marriage. I told him I was interested but just not ready to settle down and wanted to find the right person. Of course they teased me about that but it took away the "gay" angle. I only worked there 18 months and moved to a much more professional company. When I had my exit interview they wanted to know why I was leaving. I told them I couldn't take the juvenile, unprofessional behavior any more and if they didn't change they were headed for a sexual harassment lawsuit. They didn't listen and 2 years later were sued by a female paramedic. They settled out of court and he was fired. Guess they should have listened.

Steven.

 

[HunterM]

Use the religious card is a good one! I didn't think of that. "I'm saving myself for marriage." Christianity preaches no sex before marriage.

 

[FuryOfFirestorm]

this is how guys get to know if your gay or not. i know a guy at work that does this to me and i have no idea why, its not hard to guess that im gay and half the men that work there are gay or bi and i know hes pretty gay.

so what do you do? turn the questions around on him, put him on the defensive or tell him its none of his business.

Tell him, "You sure seem a bit too pre-occupied with the sex life of a teenage boy..."

That'll shut him up.

 

[ibill1]

Tell him, "You sure seem a bit too pre-occupied with the sex life of a teenage boy..."

That'll shut him up.

I like this one or the religious one. Both are simple quick statements and will probably send him running off to find someone else to annoy.

 

[Lefty]

Maybe it is time for you to say something to him.

If he makes the remark to you near people (other employees) try something like...

And Dave, just what kind of blowjob are you offering this time

 

[MindBlast]

I could go to a manager, because they like me there, but at the same time our store has more sexual harassment than a hooters.

This is why workplaces have been hostile to women and GLBT people for so long. It's because NOBODY STANDS UP and stops this shit! IT IS NOT OKAY. Harassment of any kind is not acceptable in the workplace. First, tell him the discussion is inappropriate for work. If he doesn't listen, then file a complaint. If the manager doesn't listen, file a formal complaint with the head office. If they don't listen, and you have records of it, file a lawsuit. That's what I'd do.

 

[Sexpun de Come]

Tell him, "You sure seem a bit too pre-occupied with the sex life of a teenage boy..."

That'll shut him up.

haha that one is pretty good.

Thanks guys. I'd try the religious angle, but being gay has led me to being pretty openly agnostic lately, so that one wouldn't really work, but I do appreciate the insight. It actually feels pretty good just to get the damn thing off my chest and talk to some people who actually know what I'm going through

All equally wonderful advice. My best bet I guess would be to ignore him a little more>ask him to stop>complain to a manager>file a complaint.