He’s Finally Making His Move

[erobert]

I’ve been eyeing this guy in class (he looks something like Neil Patrick Harris and is an all American type of guy just as a visual) for about a month and he’s been eyeing me too (multiple glances, head turning, and sideways glances when I in close range).

I didn’t want to make a move because I’m shy and even though I’m mostly sure he is I wasn’t absolutely sure he is gay or bi. My intuition tells me he is because of a couple of things including a day when he sat right next to me in lecture and was leaning on the armrest of my desk very close to me. I didn’t move away when he nearly leaned on me. I’ve observed his behavior with his acquaintance whom I think he’s also interested in (and vise versa) too due to observing them together (I sit right near them).

Today, he finally talked to me when we had a little break halfway through class. We just talked about the class in general and the upcoming exam. I was giving off body language indicating, I hope it wasn‘t too subtle. He kept asking questions about me (such as my major, what year I am, etc…) and I tried to do the same with him. I was a bit nervous naturally, he was a little nervous too and seemed to want our small talk to turn into a conversation, which is a good sign.

I thought he was going to continue talking as we were walking out of class because he takes the same route as I do but he went another way and didn’t get to say goodbye. Which may have thrown him off or seemed rude.

Also, early on in the conversation he mentioned his girlfriend indirectly (“my girlfriend took …”) which makes me wonder if he is bi or is just trying to cover himself in public. There were a lot of people around and he‘s in the closet most likely. I’ve seen him with her at the subway station twice and an interesting thing happened the first time. They were holding hands and when he saw me walking towards them he let go of her hand quickly; almost reflexively. I also could have sworn I saw a girl that looks just like his girlfriend in class a couple times who he was walking with after class, yet she doesn’t sit with him or even walk with him to class.

Is this a female friend watching from a distance, coaching him and giving him pointers? Maybe. If it really is his girlfriend he could very likely be bi; I don’t think he’s straight but I don’t want to get into a sticky situation if they’re not in an open relationship.

Plus, this acquaintance he has wasn’t in class today and I wonder how would feel if he sees the guy he could be interested in talking with me all of the sudden. They seem to be developing a relationship slowly together. Although I think he kind of interested in me also. Of course I could be wrong about this whole thing and making something where there is nothing.

I’m proceeding with caution for now and plan to be friends with him because I don’t want to allow myself to develop feelings for him unless I know he has the same type of feelings for me. This may turn out to be a good situation or a bad one. What’s your take?

 

[rotary]

If he mentioned his girlfriend in front of you, I think it's a safe bet he isn't interested in what you're hoping for. You may be reading into this too much.

 

[erobert]

rotary, I was going back and forth with myself on the way home about that. After thinking about it some more I have a feeling you're probably right. People engage in small talk with strangers all the time. Some people are just friendly or want to expand their circle of friends. He mentioned he just transferred from another university. Maybe he doesn’t know that many people. He might be looking to make friends.

Also, I think straight guys mention their girlfriend in conversations with guys they suspect play for the other team just as a way to say “I like you but only as a friend.” Although, I'm not sure if he can tell I'm gay. Many straight guys will assume you're also straight. Then again he could be bi or way back in the closet. I'm getting mixed messages from him.

Well, there’s always other gay guys similar to him in my class, at college- heck everywhere I go. One thing that's good to remember is there's always a gay/bi equivalent to the straight guy you're hoping is gay/bi.

 

[billybob109]

why does every gay guy think a glance or a stare means a guy is gay?? Maybe he saw you drive your sick cobra into class and wants to talk to you about it.. could be anything or maybe he is thinkinh you are smart and he wants to copy your homework.. Open your mind a little

 

[erobert]

killerbee13, It is weird.

We exchanged glances, these were mutual glances from a couple feet away before class. First quick than progressively longer during the first couple of weeks. I even gave him the look over from head to toe when he was facing me from a couple feet away, and he saw me giving him a look over (I'm not sure if he saw the whole thing though). First I looked at his feet because we wear the same type of shoes but then I moved up his body to his face. That's kind of obvious.

In fact it seems he's looking at me in class more than I look at him. I'm still treading cautiously with him just seeking friendship. I don't want to assume more than I already have. After all it's better to be safe than sorry. I should have titled this thread "He's Finally Making His Move- Or Is He?"

billybob109, yeah it is reckless (and dangerous) to think every guy who looks at you is gay or bi. Not every guy that looks at you is gay, but generally there's subtle differences with glances and stares gay guys give you compared with ones straight guys give you. It's something in the eyes from my expeirence.

Than again it could be anything like you said. I wish gaydar was more scientific.

 

[Xpione]

Seem to me the way acted doesn't really make him gay or bi. I pretty certain he's straight, especially by mentioning his girlfriend

 

[Just_Believe18]

Whenever a guy mentions his girlfriend... yeah, it's time to stop fantasizing.

I've done that plenty of times. The most gay-acting of guys end up having girlfriends. There's nothing you can do.

 

[Lewis1]

aww man i really hope something happens and he turns it around
it would be nice if you guys could be together
the fantasies can get out of hand

 

[erobert]

Sorry for bumping this topic again, but I want to give everyone who’s interested an update.

He’s not gay but my intuition tells me he’s not entirely straight either. Either way the girlfriend is the deal breaker. We can still be acquaintances in class though I guess.

Back to square one. However there’s always plenty of fish in the sea and thankfully, I have my backups on standby.

I looked around to see if I could get the attention of any of them. One was looking over at me from the middle of my row. He was with some of his friends. (He sits with a large group of about ten male friends). He looked away and started talking to them when he noticed me looking. A minute later he gets up and walks down the row as if he’s going somewhere, then a minute later he returns, excuses himself as he makes his was into the row and sits down again (maybe he was trying to get a better feel if I‘m interested?).

I should mention last week he and a couple his friends walked behind me on my route from class. He branched off from them and one said “Oh you’re going that way… good luck.” (That could mean anything though.) He was right on my tail the whole way and didn’t pass me up or say anything. I was walking pretty fast too because I wanted to catch a train. Most of his friends are in my discussion section and they all seem more secure with themselves. Maybe I’ll try working myself into their group.

Another is a "bad boy" type. He sat by me a week or two ago and asked if we had any homework due. I gave a short answer, but being shy and unprepared, I didn’t talk more with him because I didn‘t know what else to say. Ever since than he’s been making his rounds around the lecture hall sitting next to guys trying to talk to them when he has a chance. I don’t think he’s found anyone yet.

My best bet might be a guy in another class, who is pretty similar to me. He’s not as shy as I am though. He wasn’t afraid of openly supporting GLBT issues in my policy class when we had a class discussion. (Everyone in that class is very open minded and progressive). I can tell he wants to get to know me better and was asking me questions about myself.

Thanks for all the responses and advice. I appreciate your input because I have no one to talk about this stuff this offline.