:'( He has to be gay...He just has to be :'(

[mmhemmat]

Hello everyone!!


Ok let me start to say a little bit about myself.

I'm a 19 year old who goes to UW-Milwaukee as a sophomore and lately I feel really really lonely..I mean I have friends and all but no one to actually wake up with, make breakfast for, buy valentines gifts for...you know someone like that...

My best friend who I have known since k4 told me about one of our 2nd grade classmates who totally acts gay and is in Jordan coming back in like February..

So During Oct-Jan....All I had was his pictures and heard about how he acts and what kind of person he is..

Here comes February and my best friend introduces me to this potential gay guy...omg we become really good friends =D. We took a whole bunch of pictures at the mall...talk on AIM...and I even helped him volunteer at this one book fair JUST so I could be with him.

This guy has the gay hand movements when he talks, the way he stands idle is totally gay, he even has some sort of lisp....so I was SO sure that he is gay...

Now I always talk about this guy to my closest friends..the one who introduced me, his girlfriend, my best gal friend....and this one girl who I thought I could trust...

Everything was going just fine...

I would send him these kitty videos and kitten eggs on facebook..and he would send me cuddle bunnies....whenever I poked him on facebook he was like "omg stop it tickles!!"

He would ask me to take a stroll with him...get coffee with him...W/E


THEN, that girl that I said I thought I trusted....spilled EVERYTHING to him ...oh my god you wouldn't believe the disaster this stupid ass bitch caused me...

HE CAME ONLINE on AIM...and he had a HORRIBLE conversation..

let me summarize it..

He's like...I don't understand why you would tell everyone...and that I should have stopped the rumor of him being gay...and that he doesn't care that I think he is gay...it doesn't hurt him or anything....and that his ADVICE to me is to stop being gay lmao

I think it might have something to do with him being middle eastern...cuz we don't really allow being gay lol...I DONT CARE I WANT HIM NOW LOL

ok so....I cried...nonstop...for TWO DAYS...and even after that I was depressed...

Right now I am depressed too...I mean I just made a profile on manhunt and talked to like 5-10 guys...but I really love this one : (

I fall in love sooo easily...and whenever in a relationship or close friendship I LOVE giving without receiving anything...all my life I have always been helping people...putting them above me...but never receiving anything back...

It just hurts....

That night I could hardly breath when I found out that he KNOWS that I like/love him.....BLAH


Ok so a couple days ago I was getting over him =) but then his ass comes online and starts talking to me about what is the mystery egg I gave him....and I was like you have to wait till it hatches ...hes like lets play 20 questions....and this went on and on lol...then showing each other kitty videos lololol

THEN he said something which was soooo weird..

Ok, after that event that he found out I like/love him...I have been putting status' like

You don't know...what you do...every time you walk into the room...i'm afraid to move..

Everytime I try to fly...I falllll without my wings...I feel so small...I guess I need you baby..

I make believe that you are here.....its the only way...I see clear....

Everytime I see you in my dreams I see your face...its haunting me...i guess I need you baby

remembering everything..... about my world and when you came....wondering..the change youd bring...means nothing else would be the same

I was fine before you walked into my life....cause you know it's over!!! Before it began!!!!!!!!!

Ok this last quote was in my status...

AND HE WAS LIKE


Interesting...
So...
What is up with your status dude?
They better be song lyrics..

TO MYSELF I WAS LIKE...why are you confusing me....I thought you said you were straight...what are you doing to me...


So now I am on square one...thinking about him being GAY...Talking to any guy will never help...I don't want anyone else other than him = (



I would love some advice on what to do

 

[WYSIWYG]

Well you seem like a relationship oriented guy who likes to do things for others. You also seem to like affection and wanting to be with someone. (I like to receive ecards, and do video stuff also, and have for a long long time. So we share the same feelings and wants.

I know you want this to begin and have the relationship that you seek, but I am not sure about this guy. Maybe outing him scared him and he was not ready, I am not sure. I also am not sure if you want the heartache a second time either!
I think you need to just come out and ask him what he wants. Tell him what you are looking for and want to. if the two of you can not find a middle road, then both of you need to move on.

Your 19, but sound more mature for your age. While you have not been with anyone to wake up to, make breakfast for, send Valentines Day Cards, etc. and this is your 'first', I know where your coming from.

I will tell you that since your young you do have a whole life in front of you to find your man. He is out there, you just have not found him yet.

Are there any gay alliance clubs or groups at UM-Milwaukee? Or other gay groups you can join to meet others? You'd be surprised what's out there...go explore and have some fun. your man will be standing ion front of you before you know it.

 

[mmhemmat]

Well you seem like a relationship oriented guy who likes to do things for others. You also seem to like affection and wanting to be with someone. (I like to receive ecards, and do video stuff also, and have for a long long time. So we share the same feelings and wants.

I know you want this to begin and have the relationship that you seek, but I am not sure about this guy. Maybe outing him scared him and he was not ready, I am not sure. I also am not sure if you want the heartache a second time either!
I think you need to just come out and ask him what he wants. Tell him what you are looking for and want to. if the two of you can not find a middle road, then both of you need to move on.

Your 19, but sound more mature for your age. While you have not been with anyone to wake up to, make breakfast for, send Valentines Day Cards, etc. and this is your 'first', I know where your coming from.

I will tell you that since your young you do have a whole life in front of you to find your man. He is out there, you just have not found him yet.

Are there any gay alliance clubs or groups at UM-Milwaukee? Or other gay groups you can join to meet others? You'd be surprised what's out there...go explore and have some fun. your man will be standing ion front of you before you know it.

That’s the thing though; this girl that I trusted already told him that I was gay and that I am “interested in him”. I don’t know if I said it in the OP but after that day he found out, he came online and was like…”…Yes I know…I don’t care…but just not me…” and for some reason he doesn’t want a “rumor” spreading about him being gay. I blame myself for trusting this one girl about the matter.

I don’t know…I am just trying to figure this out…is he GAY and trying to hide it or in denial because of his background…

Also I do not know why he is being very friendly now…he usually is the one that starts the convo on aim. He starts it with the job that I am hooking him up with and then we go on to talking about “kitten videos” or casual talking..

I just don’t know if he is using me because he wants that job, or that he doesn’t want to cut contacts and still be friends…OR is interested in me secretly

I am so confused I don’t even know what to do………

Should I wait it out until he forgets everything and the rumor or w/e he is talking about goes away….If he wants a secret relationship…omg I wouldn’t care..I just really want him …wow I’m lame..

I am constantly listening to sad music

 

[terrorblade]

Well, this is basically what I've been going through this semester as well, so you're not the only one.

I'm the same person always trying to help people, that wants affection and falls in love way too easily.

He's the one that has issues, most likely in denial, mentioned being suicidal, and doesn't want to talk one word about it.

And with all my trying to help, I noticed the only thing I managed was annoying him- he has no idea how it feels to care about someone (he actually said that...) and I just always tried to make him feel better.

But honestly, from one point, it's no use. I'm also listening to 'sad music', but that's what I usually listen to (even if I'm really cheerful- well, apparently). You'll probably just follow your heart, same as I did, but I'm hoping that if you hear the same thing from a bunch of people you'll be able to stop yourself for a bit and try to look ahead.

It's not easy for me either, but I know it's the best thing I can do right now. He couldn't have been much clearer so I really have no reason to keep pursuing it.
So if he really gives you a lot of 'no's... you should try to move on.

Good luck anyway, hope it works out well for you!

 

[alonzo222]

Wow reading the original post and some of the replies, I feel like this is my post that I started........

I too like to give to others and be affectionate and romantic, etc., etc., etc..... and unfortunately fell in love with one of my best friends who is straight....

We would go out to the club EVERY weekend last semester, mind you , it was a GAY club..... I guess after going out so much, he's gotten to feel very comfortable with me and we even have "OUR SONG"!!!!

He has said some things to me like, "if i was a little more drink and didn't remember what i did the next day, i would make your dreams come true...." I don't know what kind of a comment that was, i kind of took it as a back handed compliment...........

but yeah he has shown MANY MANY MANY signs of homosexuality, even when his girlfriend was two feet away (at the club) and she even showed concern to another friend about his possible homosexuality!!! LMFAO but yeah i just need to come to terms that all we'll EVER be is really good friends who happen to have "a song"......and i continue my search for mr. right, i know he is somewhere out there....just haven't found him yet....and i'm sure all of us here will find him in due time!!! )

 

[Berber of Seville]

you dont need him mehmet, im guessing you're turkish from your name mehmet lol. anyways, i dont want to sound all mean but gay guys like that are just drama and they love it . if you are gonna be with him, you will just deal with drama for a long time till the bubble bursts. you need a chill masculine type of guy

 

[rareboy]

There is the appearance that neither of you is particularly mature yet; most of your story sounds like it is happening to high school, aged kids not young adults in university.

As you get older, hopefully you'll relaize that the DRAHMAHHH is not particularly rewarding or even pleasant for others to have to witness.

I see nothing of any substance at all in your 'relationship' with this closet case.

Oh, and when it comes to your crushes, get over the schoolgirl thing of telling your best girlfriend. They will always betray a confidence, although something tells me that that is why you told her.

Keep listening to sad music. Leave this guy alone to work things out his own way without being dramatic or bitchy to him.

And tell yourself that it is time to grow up.

 

[KaraBulut]

You'll save your time, energy and save yourself from whole lotta heartache if you believe guys when they say, "I'm straight".

If they say they're straight, either:
1. They're straight or
2. They have no interest in you

Start figuring out what you are going to do with your life. You are at a large university in a city full of gay men. Get out of MSN and out of Manhunt and find yourself a guy who is interested in you.

 

[G-Lexington]

I could give you the advice I think you want to hear. That there's a good shot that this guy is gay, and that you're destined to get together, be together, and it'll be everything you ever dreamed it could be (and possibly more). And that all you have to do is never give up, stay with it, and eventually, he'll understand who he is, who you are, and how you two are fated to be together.

But this isn't the romance section. It's the advice section. It's where we turn on all the harsh fluorescent lights and stare at everything from all angles, looking for flaws and cracks and other problem areas. Rare and kara have done that, and I concur with their diagnosis.

The image of the long-suffering unrequited lover is a popular one in romantic fiction. They're always duly rewarded in the end, with a stirring of strings, and the scene fades to black just as they begin what is assumed to be "happily ever after".

In reality, they're pretty pathetic.

An old friend of mine remained faithful to the woman he couldn't have, waiting for her to realize that he was in fact the one for her. So he waited, like a dumb dog, for her to come around. He waited as she dated dumb jock after dumb jock, many of whom smacked her around, hoping she'd realize that he'd never treat her like that , that he would be the romantic one for her "happily ever after."

He waited for eleven years.

She finally married one of those dumb jocks who liked beating her around, and moved away, saying her husband didn't like my friend being around, and frankly, she found him kind of annoying too, and so please don't contact her anymore.

That was my friend's "happily ever after".

Stop squinting your eyes, and tilting your head, trying to make him something he's not. If he's gay, he's apparently not interested in you. Don't give up your life waiting for him to hopefully one day change his mind. Find another guy who knows he's gay, who IS interested in you, and make your own happily ever after.

Lex

 

[mmhemmat]

There is the appearance that neither of you is particularly mature yet; most of your story sounds like it is happening to high school, aged kids not young adults in university.

As you get older, hopefully you'll relaize that the DRAHMAHHH is not particularly rewarding or even pleasant for others to have to witness.

I see nothing of any substance at all in your 'relationship' with this closet case.

Oh, and when it comes to your crushes, get over the schoolgirl thing of telling your best girlfriend. They will always betray a confidence, although something tells me that that is why you told her.

Keep listening to sad music. Leave this guy alone to work things out his own way without being dramatic or bitchy to him.

And tell yourself that it is time to grow up.

Who in the hell do you think you are to tell me if I am mature or not. Just because I am caring and emotional does not mean I'm some high schooler. On the contrary, if I was acting like some asshole and being a bitch, that is what you would call being immature; Not coming to a website that I would think would give me advice on what to do.

I can't handle these types of situations alone and I always need someone to talk to so that I can have some advice. It's just that I trusted this one girl way too much.

I wanted everything to go very very slow...I had no clue that this girl would tell him..

Again, who the HELL are you to say "oh something tells me thats why you told her", you can shove that up your ass. Don't freaking judge me.

You obvious have a horrible love life if you come online and start ranting on an innocent person who just wants advice on what to do.


Don't you ever fucking tell me what to do..I will do whatever I want....there is no indications that I was being bitchy to him...is that something else you pulled out of your horrible love life?

So...if being caring and loving about someone is being immature...

You agree with having random sex? That doesn't have any drama in it!! Mister anti-drama!! Relationships...or loving someone will always have its headaches...

I guess I'm just not "mature" yet to have "no drama random sex"

Your advice sucks =D

I could give you the advice I think you want to hear. That there's a good shot that this guy is gay, and that you're destined to get together, be together, and it'll be everything you ever dreamed it could be (and possibly more). And that all you have to do is never give up, stay with it, and eventually, he'll understand who he is, who you are, and how you two are fated to be together.

But this isn't the romance section. It's the advice section. It's where we turn on all the harsh fluorescent lights and stare at everything from all angles, looking for flaws and cracks and other problem areas. Rare and kara have done that, and I concur with their diagnosis.

The image of the long-suffering unrequited lover is a popular one in romantic fiction. They're always duly rewarded in the end, with a stirring of strings, and the scene fades to black just as they begin what is assumed to be "happily ever after".

In reality, they're pretty pathetic.

An old friend of mine remained faithful to the woman he couldn't have, waiting for her to realize that he was in fact the one for her. So he waited, like a dumb dog, for her to come around. He waited as she dated dumb jock after dumb jock, many of whom smacked her around, hoping she'd realize that he'd never treat her like that , that he would be the romantic one for her "happily ever after."

He waited for eleven years.

She finally married one of those dumb jocks who liked beating her around, and moved away, saying her husband didn't like my friend being around, and frankly, she found him kind of annoying too, and so please don't contact her anymore.

That was my friend's "happily ever after".

Stop squinting your eyes, and tilting your head, trying to make him something he's not. If he's gay, he's apparently not interested in you. Don't give up your life waiting for him to hopefully one day change his mind. Find another guy who knows he's gay, who IS interested in you, and make your own happily ever after.

Lex

Lex, thank you for your constructive criticism...

I mean, I am not going to wait THAT long, but I do get at what you are saying..

I'm not going to be all annoying on him...I mean if he wants to talk to me he can start the conversation..I don't want to be annoying by always saying hello..

So I did use your advice I'm just going to play it cool...if he wants to come out and let me know then fine...if not...then...I'll just cry and hopefully get over it lol

 

[rareboy]

Who in the hell do you think you are to tell me if I am mature or not. Just because I am caring and emotional does not mean I'm some high schooler. On the contrary, if I was acting like some asshole and being a bitch, that is what you would call being immature; Not coming to a website that I would think would give me advice on what to do.

I can't handle these types of situations alone and I always need someone to talk to so that I can have some advice. It's just that I trusted this one girl way too much.

I wanted everything to go very very slow...I had no clue that this girl would tell him..

Again, who the HELL are you to say "oh something tells me thats why you told her", you can shove that up your ass. Don't freaking judge me.

You obvious have a horrible love life if you come online and start ranting on an innocent person who just wants advice on what to do.


Don't you ever fucking tell me what to do..I will do whatever I want....there is no indications that I was being bitchy to him...is that something else you pulled out of your horrible love life?

So...if being caring and loving about someone is being immature...

You agree with having random sex? That doesn't have any drama in it!! Mister anti-drama!! Relationships...or loving someone will always have its headaches...

I guess I'm just not "mature" yet to have "no drama random sex"

Your advice sucks =D

Methinks thou doth protest too much.

I've been 25 years in one relationship after an enjoyable series of tryouts.

I would love some advice on what to do

You asked for advice on what to do, not validation. You got it.

I think I actually have underestimated your emotional maturity; the warnings about not being dramatic or bitchy when dealing with this guy would be the same advice I'd give to anyone who calls their vbgf a stupid bitch.

I guarantee you, I've just given you some of the soundest advice you're ever going to get at this stage of your life and ten years from now, after you've got over your tantrum, I expect you to say thank you.

 

[KaraBulut]

You obvious have a horrible love life if you come online and start ranting on an innocent person who just wants advice on what to do.

Methinks thou doth protest too much.

I've been 25 years in one relationship after an enjoyable series of tryouts.

I chuckled when I saw the response from mmhemmat because I knew that rareboy was one of the members who has been in a very long-term relationship.

And having read rareboy's posts for some time, I have never seen a "rant"- just a lot of brutal honesty.

Your advice sucks =D

Lex, thank you for your constructive criticism...

The interesting thing is that several posters gave you the same advice- that this situation is not going to work out the way that you want it to. Somehow I don't think you heard that message even though it was delivered by several people in several different ways. You're determined to continue to pursue someone who is not going to be what you want him to be, so you've reinterpreted the advice to the answer that you wanted to hear.

That's the thing when you ask for advice: you're going to get advice. You may not like the advice. It may not be the advice you wanted to hear. And, in the end, you may chose to ignore the advice.

Advice is an opinion. It's not a command that you must follow. But when several people are telling you the same thing- whether the advice is delivered gently or with brutal honesty- maybe you need to ask yourself whether the advice might be right?

 

[mmhemmat]

I chuckled when I saw the response from mmhemmat because I knew that rareboy was one of the members who has been in a very long-term relationship.

And having read rareboy's posts for some time, I have never seen a "rant"- just a lot of brutal honesty.






The interesting thing is that several posters gave you the same advice- that this situation is not going to work out the way that you want it to. Somehow I don't think you heard that message even though it was delivered by several people in several different ways. You're determined to continue to pursue someone who is not going to be what you want him to be, so you've reinterpreted the advice to the answer that you wanted to hear.

That's the thing when you ask for advice: you're going to get advice. You may not like the advice. It may not be the advice you wanted to hear. And, in the end, you may chose to ignore the advice.

Advice is an opinion. It's not a command that you must follow. But when several people are telling you the same thing- whether the advice is delivered gently or with brutal honesty- maybe you need to ask yourself whether the advice might be right?

I liked Lex's response! He never called me immature...he never said I was stirring drama...That was a response that was something that "wasn't dream land" but it atleast he did not accuse me of anything..

I showed 5 people rareboys reply to me...and they ALL said that he is "mean" among other things..

I asked for advice...not to be called immature and drama creating..

And then being accused that I told the girl on purpose? omg? lol

Lex's reply had NO name calling but got straight to the point that I may never ever be in a relationship with the guy ...

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>Who in the hell do you think you are to tell me if I am mature or not.

RB's been around JUB for some time. He's a smart cookie, and I agree with his advice far more often than not. True, he doesn't sugarcoat his answers as much as I do, but quite often, people don't need the kid-glove treatment. They need the truth. And RB - perhaps foolishly - felt that that's what you wanted.

As for whether or not he's qualified to say if you're mature or not, I didn't know one needed qualifications to do so. But if he isn't, perhaps I am.

As I said, I concur with his diagnosis.

I'm assuming our advice will be ignored. Or at least recast to mean what you'd like it to mean. That's fine. Judging by your posts, I'm fairly convinced that you're going to enjoy not enjoying whatever's to follow.

Lex

 

[KaraBulut]

I liked Lex's response! He never called me immature...he never said I was stirring drama...That was a response that was something that "wasn't dream land" but it atleast he did not accuse me of anything..

I showed 5 people rareboys reply to me...and they ALL said that he is "mean" among other things..

I asked for advice...not to be called immature and drama creating..

And then being accused that I told the girl on purpose? omg? lol

Lex's reply had NO name calling but got straight to the point that I may never ever be in a relationship with the guy ...

Well, mmhemmat. You took the advice as a personal insult and you missed the message. It will be there later for you when you need it.

Understand this about this forum. It's full of people who care enough to tell you what they think. And to help you learn so that you don't make the same mistakes that we've seen others make (or perhaps the mistakes we've even made ourselves).

If we didn't care, we would be over in the galleries where it's a lot more entertaining.

And every now and then we all need a reality check. Certainly, you'll get that here.

All the best to you. I hope it works out in the end.

 

[texan_slant]

Yeah - it's best to move on.

 

[mmhemmat]

If he was interested in me he would have given me the indication.................................................................................................................................................


lol....oh well.................time to get over him....

by shooting myself I'm tired of this kind of stupid love

 

[Just_Believe18]

Actually mmhemmat, Rareboy is absolutely right on this one. And your immature backlash to his candid advice only proves his point that you are an immature individual with a lot of growing up to do.

That's not meant to be mean! Don't take that comment the wrong way. You are only 19 years-old. Biologically, the brain does not fully develop it's logical cognitive processes until the age of 20. You may feel like you are in control but your emotional ups and downs get the best of you.

Your friend probably is going through the same thing. He doesn't understand all he is feeling. To be honest, he probably has a lot more going on in his life to worry about how you feel or what his feelings are about boys in general. You need to understand that not everyone is thinking the same thing you are. You want your Boy Crush, love, a relationship; however, everyone has different priorities.

So you're right. This is a stupid love. It lacks thought, maturity, and substance. But that's okay because you're still growing up and learning. Just don't shoot yourself or you'll never see the better days that are to come.