He wants to meet up again...

[Maccabee]

Omg, my ex wants to meet up again! About one month and a half ago he said that he was feeling friendship rather than love. I relentlessly (I think that is the right English word, I'm not a native speaker ) accepted it. And I thought my feelings for him went away. We did not see each other, but we still talked on msn.

But now that he wants to meet me again for some coffee at the university I immediately started to feel the some old butterflies again. He was the first boy that I really felt comfortable with and I'm realising now that I'm still missing that feeling.

I think I can't restrain myself from telling him that I still have feelings for him at some point. But what if he really only wants to meet up as friends? Would I like it if some ex whom I didn't love anymore told me that...

Grrr, I thought I was over him... But, no...

What do you guys think, shall I meet him anyway?

 

[G-Lexington]

I'd go ahead and meet with him, briefly. If you're still having issues with him, let him know afterwards. Say "You know, I apparently still have some feelings for you. I do like you as a friend, so it might be better if I kept my distance for a bit longer."

But in Dutch, so he'll understand.

Lex

 

[Maccabee]

Ja, if those feelings are really still there if I meet him in person, I'll just let him know afterwards.
It's really frustrating, because I don't want to fall in love again with someone who can't answer those feelings.
But thanks for the advice.

Maybe someone else another opinion?

 

[KaraBulut]

Maybe someone else another opinion?

I'll give you my opinion but it's very much like Lex's.

There's nothing wrong with having feelings for friends- if you can cope with the feelings.

When it comes to friends and feelings, honesty is the best policy. The best way to avoid misunderstandings is to be honest. So, if you still have feelings for this guy, the only way that you can maintain a friendship with him is to let him know what you are feeling and how difficult it is for you.


On your original post, I think the word you were looking for is "reluctant" (aarzelend?):

I reluctantly accepted it.

relentless=gestaag?

 

[Maccabee]

Thanks KaraBulut.
I think you guys are right, I should just tell him.

I looked it up, according to my dictionary relentlessly could also mean "hard" (moeilijk, zwaar, lastig), but reluctantly was probably the word I was looking for

 

[possum]

yeah totally right, honesty is the best policy, be honest with him and you might be suprised with the outcum

 

[landers]

When my ex gave me the same speech (friendship, not love) I wondered if we could be just friends given how I felt about him. As it turned out hanging out with him as just a friend helped me get over him because it helped establish a new norm between us of friendship. I still loved him for a long time after things ended between us but it was mostly when I was alone that my feelings really bothered me because it was when I was alone that I started missing things.

I'd say go for a coffee with the ex it could be a good experience for you. And like everyone else has said, be honest about your feelings for him. The ex, if he really cares about you as a friend should be understanding of your feelings.

 

[Dejajb]

just like landers said, you might surprised that after you see him, you TOO might just want to be friends.

It helped me a lot to be around my ex to get over him. We were both honest about our feelings. I didn't love him, but I still had some feelings for him, and it was hard to see him with other people, but as our friendship grew, those feelings started to become feelings of a true best friend. We have not dated for about 2 years, and I consider him one of my closest, if not my closest, best friend. I love him with all my heart, but only as my friend.

I would advise you to go on the coffee date. If it is too much, then be honest and let him know, maybe once you find someone else or realize how much a good friend he might be, then you two can be friends. Wish you the best!!!

 

[Maccabee]

So I just met him today... And what I feared before, actually was reality. I still have feelings for him. The meeting was nice, but now I feel really frustrated. I couldn't find the right moment to tell him that those feeling are still there.

Now I'm doubting whether to mention it at some other moment. However, deep inside me, the only reason wanting to tell him, is that I hope that he still has feeling for me. But that is probably not the case, so then it would make me only more frustrated... I just don't know what to do.

I could text him and say: I really liked meeting up and... or just on msn or an e-mail... I don't know what is best. Because I still keep on imagining what if my ex (with whom I'm not in love anymore) told me things like that. I think that's not really something you want to hear...

 

[KaraBulut]

The first step in all of this is to decide what you want.

If you want a friendship and a healthy relationship with your ex, you need to tell him that this is what you want but that you are still struggling with feelings that you have for him.

On the other hand, if you want to resume being his boyfriend, then you're going to have to decide if you're willing to take the gamble. The gamble is this- when you tell him that you want to get back together, either he will be willing to give it a try or it will become apparent that the two of you cannot make it work in being "just friends". But at least it will be clear up the confusion about what the two of you are feeling.

This is something that the two of you need to decide together. Either way, honesty is still the best policy.