Heart Broken

[SunshineState11]

Long story short - I fell in love for the first time with this amazing guy (or so I thought) and he told me he loved me as well and that he wanted to spend his life with me.

After about a year we started becoming sexually active, I did so many things for him, he did small things for me as well but nothing in comparison. I actually ruined myself financially because he received an eviction notice and I kept him from being evicted.

Then July came and everything changed. He told me that he couldn't do it anymore because he wasn't gay and that he made a mistake by engaging with me and that he was sorry if he lied all the times that he told me he loved me. He met with me and we had a very long conversation, I was blind sided and my heart was crushed. He said that he knew he could get whatever he wanted out of me if he said and did all the right things at the right time.

He then told me that he was extremely sorry for leading me on and for using me and hurting me and that he wanted to remain friends because I was one of the best people in his life. He suggested that we take a few months apart (he said he wanted me to heal) and then wanted us to come back together at friends and build a new friendship.

There's so much more to this story but I am trying to keep it short and simple. I cried everyday for 2 months straight, I couldn't believe what happened and I couldn't believe how he just changed over night and walked out of my life after everything that happened between us.

Some time in September he said he wanted to meet up and catch up with me. I went along with it and I went to his place but once I got there he flipped on me and told me he had a girl in his apartment and wasn't coming out to see me for another hour and that I had to wait. Obviously I was mad so I went and knocked on the door and he came out and threatened to have me removed from the complex. I was so lost and confused he had just invited me and now he's telling me he's with a girl and he will have security remove me.

He then goes on to apologize and says he didn't mean what he said but that it was disrespectful of me to come to his house when he had a date over. (Again, he invited me) I cried and told him I could no longer be friends and I hugged him and I walked away.

On my drive home he texts me to inform me that his priorities have changed and that he may be expecting a baby with this new girl and that she makes him happy. I was hurt all over again, I felt like he set me up just to hurt me again.

We didn't talk for a few weeks and then in October we began texting each other, we had friendly conversations joking and playing around like old times and I asked how him and the girl was doing and the baby and he flips on me and says "It's funny how you are so consumed with my life, isn't it obvious I don't give a damn about your personal life, the only thing you should be concerned with is our friendship and nothing more" and says the girl wasn't pregnant. again I was like WTF where did that come from, that was the last straw for me and I let all my anger loose and I flipped out.

I told him I was going to expose him for the dirty ass person he was and that I wasn't taking his shit anymore. He then immediately tells me that he will give me back everything I ever bought him and that he would meet me ASAP. So I go to meet him and he goes upstairs and brings about 2,000$ worth of stuff that I bought him all in a bag and hands it to me and says "You will never hear from me again" and he gets in his car and pulls off.

He blocked me on everything, I know deep down its the best thing, he is a terrible person but I am deeply in love with him. It's been a month and I was doing so much better but the past 3 days have been extremely hard, I have been crying again. It hurts so bad, some days I can't get out of my bed. After everything I did for him and all the love I gave, he ripped my heart out and took advantage of me and all he could say was "I lied to get what I wanted, sorry for the inconvenience".

I feel like I won't be able to get over this, I've never been so hurt in my life.

-BrokenHearted :-(

 

[Seasoned]

I'm sorry for your pain. What he did was unspeakable. He certainly seems sociopathic to say the least. In my mind that's all that needs to be said about him.

Your job now is to work on you and that might mean getting some therapy if you're unable to function on the level you'd like. Grief is real and time alone doesn't make it better. You may also need to work on yourself for the long term especially if you have co-dependency tendencies. Being "too" understanding or generous to a fault are some signs that you may be. There's nothing to be ashamed of. We co-dependents are set up, usually in dysfunctional families, to be givers to the point of pain and distress. Changing partners isn't enough as we are programmed to find the next random user. We have to be healed and aware to have a healthy life.

The first red flag I saw in your story was waiting a year to have sex. I read in to that all sorts of ways you might have been manipulated during that time. It seems as though you were hooked from day one.

I wish you all the best. I hope you have friends. Know that relationships are about what's happening today, not about some future promise. Be good to yourself in healthy ways.

 

[kallipolis]

Keep looking forward because the alternative is...wallowing in the past, with all its regrets, anger, and bitterness to befriend you.

I believe that the concept 'time heals' is a principle which is comforting to people who prefer not to be anchored into their past life, where pain lurks with daily intent to prevent one living in the present moment, where one learns life's lessons sufficiently to understand that yesterday's experiences are preparing one for tomorrow's harvest filled with joy knowing that a new dawn brings each of us the gift of a fresh beginning.

 

[Dashriprock3172]

So sorry. Some people are broken and apparently he is. Seems like he is struggling with his sexuality. You deserve better and should move on.

 

[sixthson]

Hi Sunshine. I'm sorry for your suffering. You can't change anything that happened, either what he did or what you did. But you can learn what mistakes you made so you don't repeat them. Is this guy the same one you posted about back in April? There are always certain red flags in relationships, as far as I'm concerned, that should cause us to look inward when they fail. One has to do with money/gifts. Often when people buy others gifts so easily and bail them out of trouble, it's their way of trying to secure the relationship by binding the other person to them, in a form of indebtedness. You said you did a lot for him and he did very little for you. In fact, it hurt you financially to do it. Someone who truly loved you would never have allowed that. Not only that, but if he had been truly sorry, he would not only have returned your gifts, but repaid the debt he owed you.
You need to ask yourself why you keep taking someone back who has a history of abusing you. You have allowed yourself to become a prisoner of your own feelings and neediness. Can you honestly say if he came crawling back to you tomorrow that you wouldn't take him back, even knowing he would do the same thing all over again?
You can't change him, you can only change yourself.

There is more to this story than what you have posted here. If you want, you can post more and get more feedback, but you probably need the help of someone in your life to help you work through it. Do you have any close friends or family who could do that? I'm sure others will suggest professional help.

I do wish you the best and I hope you know the reason I asked about what you have learned is so that you don't repeat this in future relationships. He betrayed you, but he should only have been allowed to do that once. After that, you have to look at yourself.

 

[eastofeden]

It sounds to me like you fell in love with a sociopath... and maybe even a psychopath....

He did you a favor when he blocked you...so my advice would be to go back in your life and figure out what part of you needs to be healed because if not...it is likely you will be attracted to a similar man in the future....

Did you ever love someone that couldn't or wouldn't love you back?...or the way that you would have liked?...anyone ever reject you?....family?...friends?...

 

[SunshineState11]

I have had a very hard time accepting being gay, my family has never accepted me, I've been fighting depression for a very long time. He came into my life and he made me happy for the very first time, I had never felt happy before I met him. He loved me and accepted me and I didn't exactly know how to handle that and then when he came to me a year later and tells me that everything was an act just so that he could use me and then throws a girl in my face the very same night, leaving me crushed spiritually, emotionally and financially. I have never been this hurt in my entire life. I've been doing better but then I get urges to go to his Facebook and I see things that hurt me worse. I know I shouldn't but it's extremely hard for me to let go of the only happiness and joy that I've ever felt in my entire life.

 

[tarallucci]

Crazy story, a warm hug to you.

Be strong. Forget this dick, you deserve much better.

 

[KaraBulut]

...I am deeply in love with him. It's been a month and I was doing so much better but the past 3 days have been extremely hard, I have been crying again. It hurts so bad, some days I can't get out of my bed. After everything I did for him and all the love I gave, he ripped my heart out and took advantage of me and all he could say was "I lied to get what I wanted, sorry for the inconvenience".

I feel like I won't be able to get over this, I've never been so hurt in my life.

If one of your female friends came to you and told you this story- about a man who used them emotionally, physically and financially in a relationship full of lies and deception, what would your response be?

The bottom line is that it's time to work on you. That's probably going to require working with a therapist to address the issues that allowed you to be in an abusive, exploitative relationship. It's going to take some work on building your self-esteem, so that the next time this guy calls with one of his messy life situations, you'll have the strength to hang up the phone and never look back.

 

[mcbrion]

He sounds like he clearly has a personality disorder, and I'm going with Borderline, which is one of the worst. Stay away from him. Borderlines are VERY dangerous, both mentally AND physically.

 

[silentalk]

I'm really sorry for what you're going through. I just want to point out that you can stay emotionally attached to this person for a very long time. Don't do it! I made that mistake.

I fell in love with a friend seven years ago. He was a good friend, but when I started to get attached, he started getting mean. It was clear right from the start that it would never work out between us romantically. yet, the idiot that I am, I remained hopeful for 6 years. SIX YEARS I was in depression. It destroyed my life, health, personality... you name it.

Then last year a little angel appeared in my life and took me out of my misery.

Find a way out, whatever it is... a person, a place, a hobby, a job. Make the choice to forget about him and find another thing to attach yourself to.

Good luck.