HELLO, I MUST BE GOING - Should I simply allow him to find another?

[zgbear]

Here's my situation. I have been in a relationship with a great and wonderful guy for almost 6 months as I write this. Both he and I believe in a monogamous relationship. The thing is I have to leave and travel to another country soon. Moreover, I will not be able to be with him for at least a year's time (no, I am not in the military).

Anyway, I really enjoy his company and love being with him, but I'm not sure if I should maintain this relationship or simply end it altogether knowing that I will not be with him for at least a year (perhaps even more). I wouldn't want him to be waiting for me not knowing if or when I will be returning.

Anybody got any advice or went through a similar experience?

 

[G-Lexington]

You've left out something vital.

What does HE think?

Lex

 

[zgbear]

Should I simply allow him to find another?

Well, he knows that I will be leaving, but he hasn't said anything concrete. I am guessing that he will be letting me know (if anything) days before I leave. But I am planning to make the first move to tell him not to wait for me and to go ahead and find another when I leave. Also, I would tell him that I would not expect him to wait for me (since I may gone for quite some time) and I wouldn't want him to sacrifice any chance of finding another when I go.

 

[G-Lexington]

That's nice and noble of you. But since you do appear to care quite a bit about this guy (or you wouldn't have bothered to start this thread), make sure you make your feelings known. Something like, "When I'm gone, I'd really like to stay in touch as much as possible. And I don't know if it's possible, but I'd like to continue this relationship, and pick it up again once I get back. I realize how tough that's gonna be, and if you don't think it's possible to wait that long, I totally understand."

Lex

 

[evil_danger]

A year really isn't so long and if you both care that deeply for each other you can wait. phones, texting, email's it all helps, and depending on where your going and what for there is always a chance he could visit.

But this is something you have to work out together, tell him how you feel and go from there. Even if you both agree not to wait a year, it isn't really such a long time that hes going to have found someone else, always chance of picking up where you left off.

 

[backpacker]

You need to have a long and frank conversation with him. Let him know how much you care for him, but that you also understand it is extremely difficult to maintain a long distant relationship. You really need his input to determine the right course of action. It can work if both of you are really committed to it. You would both have to feel the other is the love of their lives for it to work. Not that you just care for each other, but that you can't imagine your lives without each other. If that's not the case for each of you, you are probably better to end the monogamous relationship. You can remain friends and leave the door open to starting another relationship when you return.

 

[RicanDAB]

If the absence is indeed temporary (a year in essence is temporary if you are in fact returning) and you guys are truly committed, this should really not affect your relationship at all. Now if you are NOT returning, that's a different story and you will have to think about the point of continuing a relationship that will never again involve yourselves together in one place. Spouses of servicemen in Iraq do it all the time - why should your relationship be different?

My man and I were apart for 3 months this summer while he was working internationally - nothing changed between us while he was away and we were faithful (but I am glad he's back - my walls are less clawed now )