help: first real relationship

[SilverRRCloud]

Yup. Love does not go without jealousy.

Take his hint and talk with him about it. Tell him about your feelings and your fears. Ask him to be truthful and honest.

He may be just kiddin' and watching you but he may also be trying to say that he might not be enjoying the monogamy your relationship has introduced into his life as much as you are enjoying it.

So, yeah, get your shit together and talk seriously about it.

SC

 

[taiger65]

he's saying that your partner might not want to be "tied down". your partner might still be thinking about seeing other men, or even swinging.

 

[spreadeagle]

It's ok and natural, even when in a committed monogamous relationship, to be attracted to other people and to enjoy looking at them. What makes the relationship monogamous is the decision not to act on instinctive desires. So it's extremely bad manners to make the fact that you are attracted to someone else obvious when you are with your partner.

If you've told him that his obvious attraction to other men - while in relatrionship with you - disturbs you and he has failed to modify his behaviour then you have a very good indication of the position he will take in relation to any other issues that might arise between you.

Six months is about the length of time when people move on from the 'falling in love' period and begin to attempt the difficult transition in to 'being in love'. Your partner's past history of promiscuity may be a sign that he has not yet managed to negotiate this transition successfully in his past relationships.

If he's been promiscuous in the past but still clings on to behaviour patterns that precede promiscuity then it's highly likely that he is either unwilling or unable to change. In any relationship it's extremely ill-advised to think (a) they will change their behaviour on their own, or (b) you will be able to get them to change. What you see is what you get. If you don't like it, cut and run and look for someone who'll treat you with respect.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Wow, guys, calm down...

He is having an issue. He is still not considering the 'cut and run' option. It is too soon to tell. And besides, if we were all to 'cut and run' at the first sight of something we do not really like, no one's relationship would survive for more than just a couple of weeks.

I am very much with the spreadeagle, when he describes the transition from 'falling in love to being in love'. Yup, that is a part of the game. Another important part of the game is that relationships are not static but dynamic. We all change and discover and re-discover ourselves every day. Staying in a relationship means being able to negotiate and re-negotiate your mutual pact ever so often.

So, sit down with him and TALK, please. Be honest, be truthful and tell him all he needs to know and ask him all you need to know.

SC

 

[confusedboy23]

As with most guys here, I don't think jealousy is wrong and I think it exists in pretty all relationships. The key to solving this is through communication. Both of you need to be honest with each other, and there has to be respect for each other's feelings. I'd only suggest the 'cut n run' option if there wasn't any real honesty in the relationship.

 

[Lefty]

can't you guys give standouts' partner some slack?

so he used to ride the ponies and liked to hose around...BFD

standout, you are in a relationship. he is in a relationship. done deal. don't lie to me and say you don't look. millions of mags are sold to people in relationships every day.

i look, you look, he looks, she looks...if you're not looking you're dead and if you are''t occasionally commenting then you are probably hiding something.

cut and run when the concrete has set. if the distrust is already there then the relationship isn't.

speaking for myself, i look everyday..yes, look but not SHOP

 

[Kurn]

I think that people CAN change to be more like we want them to be. It is HOWEVER a delicate thing that make things worse.
The big thing to avoid is trying to control what the other person thinks. The challenge is to be mentally intimate without being mentally micromanaging.

I strongly recommend that you two talk about a lot of things. Fearlessly. Keep the interest of the other person above yours.
You might have him read this thread so that you start from the same page.

 

[Just_Believe18]

Keep open communication and you'll last. As long as you can trust one another, it shouldn't be an issue.

Personally, I talk dirty with my partner about other guys all the time. And vice versa.

 

[jimminychricket]

WOW! all of these are good observations just from the first post!

But with me, i want to eventually find someone that we can both be open about things such as our sexual attractions, Our ideas, fantasies, Fetishes, (sexual or not!) and everything else in life. From what i have learned form my relationship with my family, is that things should be open, but sometimes not too open. Somethings need to be kept to ourselves. That's how things go and how we stay sane in our minds. We need to feel safe, but also trusting.