Help: I think I'm Smothering Him!!!

[toedipper]

Hi JUB's

Quick history: I'm 32 - came out at 27, just getting comfortable with dating and having sex with men. I've only had sex with 2 people, and fooled around with a few others. I met am amazingly cute, shy, guy - he's 19, online and we had our first date. It lead to the best sex I've had (which isn't much,) but it was so intense that I just went from 1st date to head over heals with this guy. Way too fast, and it's overwhelming. Of course, I'm craving years of missed sex and pent up sexual energy and I'm ready to fuck like a rabbit, but now I'm smothering him with too many phone calls, and IMs and I know I'm seeming a little desperate. - which I am (it's really hard to control.) I'm starting to feel like a looser because if this. My emotions are a little too erratic. We are going on a date on Monday (if he doesn't bale.) And I don't know if I should bring up the fact that I recogonize my behaviour and that I will give him space or if I should just forget about it and let it be.

I don't know. I have a feeling he's not into anything too serious and that I'm being to serious. I'm just all overwhelmed and I need some advice.

Help...Heart is breaking and I want to cry. Any advice would help.

 

[slickery]

First of all chill out! Relax, have a beer watch some tv.

It's normal to feel giddy like you are when we meet someone we like.

My philosophy is to just go for it. If you like the guy there's no reason why you shouldn't admit it. If he doesn't reciprocate the feelings then fuck him, move on.

Overall you might be coming on a littletoo strong, yet you haven't elaborated on how often you actually are contacting him. A good rule of thumb is a text for a text, and phone calls, only to set something up or change plans. At least until you've established where you want the relationship to go.

Another thing of note, he's 19, you're 32. I know people will argue the whole age doesn't matter thing, but you two are in completely different places in life and you need to take that into consideration.

 

[youngnihilist]

What's his response to your smothering? Probably not positive, I'l just assume that. He's 19. 19 year olds are notoriously fickle and almost never want to be bogged down. Our generation isn't into that stuff, we move really quick and tend to have some sort of engrained ADHD. Even when other 19 year olds are bugging them, they don't like it. No need to dump your own issues of missed sex and opportunity on the poor kid...Next time take it slow

 

[toedipper]

Well, after an awkward evening of conversation I realized that I was more serious about our "relationship" that he was. And so I just backed off, and took in some perspective. Even though I'm about as sexually mature as a 19 year old I'm not 19, I'm 32 and the generational thing is way different. The ADHD thing is right - and I've decided not to dump any of my issues on anyone. That said, I'm finding him very self-centered and I think this is an age thing (it's funny how you don't remember what 19 is like.) Anyway, I'm leaving the pace up to him. He does expect that I'm made of money, and I'm not. I kind of think I'm being played a bit but I'm trying to leave the cynicism at home.

At the same time, it's nice to be seeing someone. I'm finding it rather complex. I'm bigger on communication that him.

 

[bankside]

Toedipper, the only way to make great sex better is to have it with someone when you're head over heels in a great relationship too.

The great relationship takes time though. In my case I tried to sort out where the relationship was going before we got to the sex part, but yeah, it is nice to have great sex and be head over heels for each other.

I wouldn't know how to have started out the other way around and still get to the same place, but give it a try - I don't think it is necessary to do things in a mandatory order even if I only know how to do them in a certain order.

 

[thisisinteresting]

He does expect that I'm made of money, and I'm not. I kind of think I'm being played a bit...

Yeah, I don't blame you. Kids my age are self-centered, I would be wary. I have an older friend who likes younger guys (I'm in the other boat ) and most the younger guys he ends up with are like this, and it doesn't work out in the end because they're not in it for something serious at all (or changed their minds - we're a finicky lot). You might wanna give yourself some space before you fall for him more than you should. I had to distance myself from my now-boyfriend when we were fuckbuddies because I was falling for him and we weren't monogamous. I got lucky and he thought I was worth a try and we turned out great. Not trying to discourage you, but there's no harm in being careful with a naive heart <3

 

[toedipper]

First of all, I really enjoy the community I'm discovering here. Thanks for everyone's perspective. Yeah, I'm backing way off and kind of letting things sit. If he's interested in me and I'm interested in him we will find a way of connecting otherwise I think I'm going to let this fade out. I would really enjoy getting deeper because the sex is just better and also because it would just be nice to have someone around to connect with (I think is more important). Anyway thanks for the honest advice. I've realized that my heart is as naive as his - so tender is always better. Cheers.

Bankside, I've figured out that he doesn't want a relationship - he is more into just seeing were things go, which for me is just another way of not really exploring. Anyway, I always give others the benefit of the doubt but when it stops being fun I think it will just stop.

 

[toedipper]

UPDATE: So I've really backed off and he MSN me, and he really want to see me again. So I like this playing it cool approach. It takes the pressure off of both of us.

Anyway. Until I have my next experience.

 

[bankside]

Hey excellent!

 

[justchillin]

toedipper,
I can relate to what youre going through. I came out at 27-28 and now im 30. Ive slept with and dated people within a few years of me but for about 2 weeks ive been seeing a 22 year old. I had a rule to only date within 5 years of my age but i had to make an exception with him. Its the first time ive ever really had a crush on someone and i noticed myself going the extra mile to be in contact and texting. Usually im the other seat with people trying their best to get me in a relationship. I had to sit back and analyze the situation to avoid scaring the person away.

Its like when you finally found something you want you get a little crazy, ha ha like a little schoolgirl.
Its sad sometimes but there is this little game you have to play when you like someone. Sometimes it isnt just black and white. Its not always you like me i like you we fall in love. Actually the less attention someone gives me the more ill try, the more attention i become complacent. Not sure why this is but it is especially at the start.

Here is what ive been doing and its hard but its smart.
Id only text him after he text me and usually only once, if i dont hear back in a day or so ill just text good morning or gnite whatever it is.
Dont text or call if he's out with his friends
If i go out to the bars i leave my phone in the car to avoid any kind of drunken phone calls or messages.

Not sure if thats the right way to deal with things but its whats making me a little saner and less psychotic. Sheesh..

 

[toedipper]

Hey justchillin,

Yeah it sounds like we are in similar situations. Because I was such a late bloomer i've discovered slowly and only by some rather humiliating trial and error that a lot of people go through this. Whatever happens with this guy, this thread, and the learning I've discovered has really made a difference. But I hope one day I hope I can find intimacy inside a relationship too (when that hapends I will really have to keep myself in check cause I know I will go on a crazy roller coaster ride - which is destructive.)