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Help. Just came out to parents...

H

hokidoki

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Okay.

So last night I came out to my parents and it didn't go so well. My mom is extremely upset now and I don't even know about my dad.

I need to know what to do in my situation. My mother's reaction was a shock to me. She's said everything that an ignorant person would and it's killing me. She's still convinced it's a choice and that I've convinced myself to be Gay. She's telling me to think about it and that I'm still young. I don't know what to do. I almost want to just tell her that I've thought about it and I like girls now just to relieve her. But I don't want that. Anybody got suggestions? I have faith that ONE day she might be okay with it but it doesn't seem like it'll be in the near future. I guess it's easier for me since I'm away at college to deal with it at the moment. But I don't know what'll happen when I go home for the holidays.

So any tips would help.


Love.

R
 
I know it's hard but I really think it's probably best to give them a few weeks to settle down. You're lucky you're at college because it gives you a chance to do this. It could just be that they're going through the stages. It's probably too early to totally freak out as they could come around. My mum is really liberal and she struggled for a few days to really except I liked guys, it can come as quite a shock if you've never really fitted what they would stereotypically expect from a gay person.

I really hope things settle down and work out for the best though. Does your school have a counselor? It might be worth visiting them and getting their perspective and help with dealing with this. Especially in case it doesn't work out well with them. Just remember that there are plenty of sympathetic ears here as well. Again I hope it all settles down and works out well!
 
Reassure your mother that this has NOTHING t odo with her. She didn't raise you wrong, she didn't make you gay. You're just gay, you've come to realize that you're gay, and you want her to know about it. And tell her you still love her. Then give her some time to come to grips with it.

...welcome to the other side. ..|

Lex
 
I had the very same reaction from my family. I just gave them time and almost everyone has come around...but it took a few months. I continued to talk to them just like I always had and they eventually realized I am the same son and brother they have always known and grown up with. I even took my partner home for Christmas last year. The only one who still has problems is my dad...but I think he too will come around. My advice is the worst thing you could do was go back in the closet. You can't live for others' happiness...you'll be miserable. I finally told myself that I'm not responsible for my family's happiness...that was tough to do since we are all so close. But, my happiness is just as important and I wanted them to know their son and brother fully...and to know the person he is in love with. Anyway, I ramble on...you just have to give them time and to try to answer their questions trying your best to not let emotions get out of control. My best to you and your family! (*8*)
 
The cat is out of the bag... Good Job!
No turning back.
Give them time, be honest, it will be
hard but it is your life and you need to make it work for you.
 
good for you hokidoki! i think if you've told them what they need to know, and they still aren't accepting, time is the only healer. you can tell them all you want but it's all a matter of them accepting, which can be an excruciating wait i'm having to go through now (just came out to my folks this weekend)
 
The same thing happened between my mom and me when I came out to her at 15 years old.She called me everything you could imagin.She was hurt.I am an only child.She was a single mother.She blamed herself.Today we are the best of friends and she loves my partner of 12 years like her own son.(He even gets more gifts at Christmas than I do.)Give your parents time and continue to love and respect them.Time is a great healer.Be proud of yourself,the hard part is over.Now just be yourself.The same self you were before you told them.Stay strong.You have alot of support out there.:=D:
 
i feel moved.


Thanks so much for the tips and stories.

I'm staying strong and I'm sure my mother and my father will too.
 
I'm sure they will soon come round and there is great support in Oxford. Not sure if the Northgate centre in St. Michaels street off Cornmarket st. is still there but I found it a help nice relaxed social place with like minded people to talk to over a coffee. Maybe you could get some info from PFLAG for them they have affiliate branches worldwide.
 
Remember to always keep this in mind. If your parents really love you then give them some time and they will come around and accept you just the way you are.

If they never come around, then they never really loved you. They only loved what they thought you were, which as it turns out never exsisted.
 
Just give them time. She's shocked because you just told her.

Give her some time and space, talk to someone if it's getting to you, and maybe direct her to some resources for parents like PFLAG.
 
Just give it some time. It took my mom a day or 2 before she stopped being angry, and a week or two before she got over the initial shock, and then another month or so before things were back to normal; and that's a pretty quick turnaround.

Like ripples in the surface of a pond, these things take time to dissipate.
 
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