Help me earn the love of my best friend!

[SeekingCupid]

hi guys,

Did any of you ever fell in love with your "straight" best friend?
does any of you know a way or something that can make your best friend give you a shot at love?
My straight friend and the love of my life is a Virgin, I have a strong belief that he might be slightly into guys, but I am not 100% sure about it.
I have never had a relationship with a guy before, yet I have been in love with him from the moment we got to know each other.

If you ever had an experience or have any thing that can help me gain his love, please share what you got.

I did try few daring things with him, yet never worked, and yet we are still friends...

I believe there is something holding him back!!!

I would appreciate your help, and be eternaly grateful

 

[tallguy297]

Hey Seeking Cupid,

Welcome to JUB!! Its great to see you here posting on the boards!

I've moved this to the Coming out and relationships forum - you'll get some good advice from the guys here - you're not alone in your situation and if you spend some time searching through the threads here you'll see other guys who have been where you are.

Have a great time here mate... enjoy your stay!

 

[Daddybearsdoit]

I don't want to sound too negative to you, but I have found that love tends to make us see things that may not actually be there.

Now with that said, it is entirely possible that you are right and he might be into guys and into you.

I remember in high school I fell in love with a man that I worked with. I thought he was so sweet and sensitive and from the way he treated me and some of the other people at work I thought he might secretly be into guys as well. I spent an entire summer being indecisive about whether or not to act on my feelings hoping that he would respond positively.

In the end, I was helping him work one day when he decided out of the blue to tell me a story that went something along the lines of "I was visiting home a while ago when my best friend from school came to town to visit. We went out and afterwards we went to the park to chat about what had been happening in our lives and old times. After we had been there for a while he leaned over an put his arm around me."

I remember his next words vividly and I know they will never fade from my memory. He said "I realized that the son of a bitch was gay and I had to get out of there. I mean, I don't care if you're gay, but keep it away from me."

I suppose that he could have been just really in the closet, but in retrospect I don't think that is the case. In the end, my procrastination was the only thing that saved me from embarassment and real heartache. I was sad about the ordeal of course, but at least I found out before I stuck my neck out for a hopeless dream.

I'm not telling you this to discourage you, as I don't know your whole situation, (eg. whether or not he knows that you are gay) but rather to encourage you to really analyze the situation before you go and make a move. It may turn out positively and be everything you want it to be, but it could also be the last time your friend looks at you as a friend again.

 

[thermodynamics]

Unfortunately, your story is quite common to us younger gay guys. I was in that boat over a year ago. It's not a fun place.

But I can assure you that if he's straight there's no way to get him to come over to this side. That's just the way it works. We often see things in our lives the way we want to see them. Caution is necessary.

There are quite a number of threads in this forum that describe the situation you're in. There are a lot of us who have been in this situation before. But the vast majority say the same thing...Do NOT tell him that you "love" him. It will almost certainly destroy your friendship. I learned that first hand, the hard way.

 

[thephoenix]

First off. So sorry you're in a miserable situation. It is definitely no fun to be in love with your straight best friend. Most guys around here though will tell you that if you are falling for your straight friends it's because you haven't been around other guys who are into guys.

However, only you know how you feel and you have provided very few details so I have to go at face value here. You say he's straight. Here's the best thing: accept that and move on. Not the easiest, but the best. Here's the cycle: you love your friend, as a previous poster mentioned this will cloud your judgement so you see things not as they are but as you want them, next you'll be driving yourself crazy analyzing everything he says or does at first towards you and then towards people in general. You'll agonize over your feelings: should you tell him or shouldn't. Analyze some more for support as to whether or not to tell him. And if you ever do get the guts to tell him, he very likely will not reciprocate your feelings and you'll be left heartbroken. Except now, you analyze everything and just say "well, he hasn't realized it and will come around if I'm a good enough friend." Repeat as many times as it takes for you to realize it won't happen.

Or you could be in the VERY SMALL minority where he says "hey, I love you too." Or he is curious about guys and wants to fool around and all it is to him is fooling around whereas you love him.

No good can come of this. For your mental health and heart's sake assume he is straight and move on. Focus on the friendship and being the best friend you can be not because someday he might love you or you'll be rewarded but because it is the right thing to do. Eventually, the romanticism will die out.

 

[newkidondagayblock]

Hi good advice here...works for me.. I was in love with one of my friends. I just went for his wedding last week. I still love him but Im not expecting the same from him. He is totally in love with his wife. And I have seen tht. But I will still keep contact with him, not obsessively, but sometimes. The fact that he lives in another city helps a lot.

All the best to you.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Judging by the very little info, you have provided, so far, I'd say that your chances do not look all too good, to put it very mildly.

My advice: move on.

If you can't and won't, and are determined to give it a try, drop the 'love' and the 'gay' theme completely for the starters.

Go to the 'I am a horny dude and you are one, too. So, let's help each other out, shall we? line'

He is your best friend, and a dude, too. He may understand you and even, if he says, 'meh, I ain't into that shit', he'll most likely not hold it against you, unless you keep pushing your envelope.

SC

 

[VICTORIADON]

^^^
listen.

 

[SeekingCupid]

well we had an incedent once... he allowed me to share the bed with him one night. lets just say he woke up and my hand was somewhere it shouldn't be. I was sleeping so i have no idea what's going on. I told him about my feelings. he said he got scared. yet later on, he was nice and wrapped his arms around me almost everynight. he even cried when he was close to losing me at some point.

few months later after a big fall-out, he began to change, yet now we are kind of friends... but I am having this feeling I can still get him to notice my feelings again.

I want to talk to him and make him listen, just listen to what I have to say with open mindedness. be he always gets angry.

tough situation, but i know i can't tell him my feelings anymore straight up, i need some advise on how to make him feel and notice me without me having to risk our friendship again.

I hurt a lot when I feel like he is not my friend, I want him to see me again, we used to be close that I cried on his shoulder many times.

I am willing to try any tips before I finally give up. one last shot... just one.

i know this is off topic, but do any of you know if something called pheromone can work to my advantage in such sitaution (if not, you don't have to answer this)

 

[Daddybearsdoit]

Personally, I wouldn't put the money into the pheromones. From what I've seen (my dad used it after my parents split up) it doesn't work.

As for the rest of your situation. If he really has at some point allowed you to fall asleep in each other's arms, he may very well have feelings for you.

He may not, however, be willing to accept those feelings. It can be hard for people to accept the fact that they are gay/bi or even that they have developed a close emotional attachment to another man. These things take time and I would not suggest pushing yourself on him. If he is really in the closet (and in self-denial; possible self-loathing), your pushing yourself on him will most likely not help. If anything, I'd say that it would probably push him right back into his shell, maybe tighter than before.

If you really care about him, don't just give this one last shot. Remeber how you felt when you realized you like guys and realize that he may be going through the same thing.

I understand that you have deep feelings for him. But if that is truly the case then you should be able to care about him enough to help him through whatever he is going through before making him face his own sexuality in a situation that may be very uncomfortable for him.

You also mentioned that he gets angry when you mention your feelings for him. I wouldn't underestimate that. You should alway keep yourself safe first. If you don't feel his anger is a danger then you may feel like risking it, but if you feel that it could possibly turn out dangerous for you, definitely think twice.

 

[SeekingCupid]

if I use female pheromone to attract men, could that work? I mean you can't use male pheromone to attarct males

 

[rareboy]

if I use female pheromone to attract men, could that work? I mean you can't use male pheromone to attarct males

You're joking, right?

Attraction is a lot more than simple chemistry.

Get over him.

By the way, a lot of guys fixate on a stright guy becuase he may embody a lot tof the qualities they admire but a lot of times, it is easier than taking the chance on going out and actually meeting a gay guy and facing rejection, or even having to do some of the heavy lifting in a gay relationship. This is why the fantasy of an unattainable guy may be so much more appealing.

I must say that from the moment I actually got laid, my attraction to stright guys just vanished.

 

[SeekingCupid]

ok so apart from pheromones (it was not the main topic).... I still need to give it another shot and try to get him to like me. I know its daring and might get into trouble, but I am willing to try. if any of you got any ideas, please share. I will keep u posted.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I still need to give it another shot and try to get him to like me. I know its daring and might get into trouble, but I am willing to try.

Then tell him, "I want to have sex with you."

Lex

 

[thephoenix]

^^^^ Yes and then come back and tell us how right we were^^^^

G-Lexington is right. If you "gotta try" something then you may as well use the direct approach. That way nothing is lost in double meanings or "code."

Personally, I think you have an infactuation or lust if you will. What you're describing from your emotional stand point reeks of it. Not love. Love is acceptance and understanding.

You want to manipulate your friend. That is not love. This situation is about you and what you want. And that is NOT love for another person. That is love of oneself. It doesn't concern you one bit that your friend is not interested in you. That's not tenacity it's selfishness. When you love someone, really love them; it stops being about you and how you feel and becomes completely about them and how they feel. Ideally, this is a two way street. Have you even considered him and his feelings??? I doubt it because all I've seen so far is "I" "I" "I" and "I want" "I need" etc etc.

You don't have to try anything else. Quit while you're ahead and leave with as much dignity as you can muster. If this guy shot you down once when you told him how you feel, what makes you think that if he changed his mind he wouldn't go "Hey dude, I changed my mind." He knows you're into him and has registered his not interested. He is getting angry because you are NOT respecting him and who he is. Anything that you read as romantic possibilty is your longing for him manipulating your take on the situation. He most likely has an ill-advised comfort with you and you want to take advantage of it.

Respect yourself and most of all respect your friend. Move on to someone who will love you for you; all of you. And in the way you want/need.