Help me with an (illustrated) nursery rhyme

[Charon]

Seeing as how HT is open to help users with their pet project(s), here's mine.

The title is "The A-Z of Suicide: A FUNtastic (Illustrated) Nursery Rhyme For When You Hate Yourself and Want to Die!" Or, its bowdlerized version, "A FUNtastic (Illustrated) Nursery Rhyme For When You Wanna Hippa-Hippa-Hippa-Hippa!" Originally, it was going to be guide instead of nursery rhyme, but calling it a guide is inaccurate. Hell, I'm not even sure if calling it a nursery rhyme is accurate. If you can come up with a better title, feel free to recommend it.

As the title implies, the book will cover every letter in the alphabet, each letter representing a reason why someone would want to kick the bucket, an illustration showing said act, and of course, it rhymes.

So far, I've covered A, B, D, F.

A is for Adultery. Left page: "You walked in on your wife going down on another dude's schlong." *illustration of husband entering his home, shocked upon seeing his woman sucking off another dude* Right page: "Now you're splattered all over the pavement after falling off a tall building like King Kong" *illustration showing just that, along with a stray dog helping himself to the husband's spilled out guts*

B is for Bullying. Left page: "Getting picked on by bullies in high school just ain't fun." *illustration of a bunch of kids pointing and laughing at some kid stuffed in a trash can* Right page: "Best put a piece a metal in your head after gunning down all the kids with the pumped up kicks who couldn't outrun your gun." *illustration of bullied kid laying dead from a self-inflected gunshot to the head, surrounded by the corpses of the bullies he slaughtered*

D is for Depression. Left page: "Yes, life is indeed a bitch." *illustration of a dude looking really mopey, listening to his record player that has the caption "angsty emo music" next to it* Right page: "Now go drown yourself in a ditch" *illustration of the dude floating face down in a ditch, a tour guide a few feet a way saying, "And to your left, you'll see a grown man who doesn't know how to swim." One tourist takes a pic*

F is for Failure. Left page: "You're such a complete and utter fuck-up at life." *illustration of an office worker who dropped his mug of coffee, screaming, "Ugh, I'm so useless!" A co-worker next to him saying, "Well, you lost the Baxter account last week, so yeah, you are."* Right page: "Nobody will care if you cut your throat open with a knife" *illustration of office worker laying dead after doing just that, his co-worker stepping on the corpse rather than over it as he takes a sip from his coffee*

If any of you can come up with something for the other letters (or something better for the letters I just covered) feel free to offer your advice.

 

[Peloso]

G is for Gay. Left page: man in a MAGA hat with a shotgun strapped to his back kneeling and praying in church, surrounded by families with babies. Thought bubbles filled with dicks and asses surround his head. The doors are open and we can see what is obviously his truck in the parking lot. "You eat meat and hate blacks and are generally abusive". Right Page: The same man, in Hell, being poked in the ass by Satan: "But "homo" and "redneck" are mutually exclusive!"

H is for Heavy. Left page: a young, overweight woman sits forlornly at a table piled high with bottles of fat burner pills and books with titles like "The Ultimate Mayonnaise Diet" while skinny women in day-glo tights exercise on the TV. The walls are covered with posters of skinny pop stars. "You diet and diet but weigh two eighty three.." Right page: The same woman, now smiling, sitting at the same table in front of a plate filled with pills and capsules. Numerous empty bottles with a skull and crossbones are piled on the table and all over the floor. "Now try a new diet but without the "T"!"

Ok that's enough malignant negativity for me...

 

[rareboy]

Jesus Christ Charon.

Isn't it time to seek some counselling?

 

[Rickrock]

I'm not sure it is a good idea to give anyone any ideas.

 

[EddMarkStarr]

I would have to be in a different frame of mind to add to this idea properly, but I adore that YT video from the album, "The Top" - 1984.

 

[bendted]

Wow, WTF is this?

 

[Charon]

I would have to be in a different frame of mind to add to this idea properly, but I adore that YT video from the album, "The Top" - 1984.

And here I was thinking nobody listens to the songs I post, lol.

Not every gay man idolizes female popstars growing up. Some are different

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I actually like a couple of female popstars, though not idolize, lol.

Also, p sure posting a member's pic (even it's from another thread) without their consent is somehow against the rules.

Posting an underage person is definitely against the rules.

 

[Sebazz]

You're right and I apologize. But it was a response to this thread promoting suicide, which is probably also against the rules.

 

[Alistair]

E for erectile dysfunction? I’m not creative enough to come up with a scenario but if I had it I’d want to kill myself.

 

[rareboy]

It is actually kind of amusing to know that there are some guys out there who still think that being an EdgeLord is a thing.

It isn't.

Again Charon, I think it might be time to unload some of the baggage you are carting around. It isn't Louis Vuitton. It is more like a mixed collection of cardboard suitcases.

 

[Vannie]

Ooooooo Charon likes Britney Spears

 

[Thad1527]

U covers so many bases. Unloved, unwanted, unappreciated, underachieving, uncoupled, unhinged, unaccepted. It's a good thing there's also unique and unaffected.

 

[Charon]

Ooooooo Charon likes Britney Spears

Lol, nope, not even one song.

 

[EddMarkStarr]

Every form of alphabetized nursery rhyme requires an extraordinary effort in creativity.
The work of coming up with stanzas for the other letters takes me right out of the proper frame of mind to adhere with the narrative.