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Help: My BF can't bottom

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mopehaus

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My boyfriend and I (both of us are 28) have been together for about four months now. I can't even begin to say how much I care about him and how close we've become. I feel so lucky, and I feel after so many years of dating I have found "the one". But here's the problem...he is absolutely unable to take my dick when when we try to fuck.

The problem is two-fold: 1)his ass is extremely tight...he's say's he's tried to bottom for other guys in the past and it's always remained tight and getting fucked is extremely painful for him. 2) my dick is over 8" and over 6" thick. I'm not bragging or exaggerating, it's just the way my dick is.

I've fingered him, I've put my dick really, really slowly...I've never tried to pound him...we've tried every position we could think of...different kinds of lubes...we both got extensively tested for STD's so we stopped using condoms, thinking it would feel better...everything's been really sensual...we've even tried poppers...but nothing seems to work...he's in constant pain. We're both becoming really frustrated and don't know how to proceed. It's starting to affect our relationship a little.

Please...does anyone have any advice???
 
well,thats something u had to discuss with him before u start to be together...but have anyone before fucked him ? try to start using something smaller than ur dick ,start with small Dildo for the first days,then go larger ...but dnt force large one directly..u need time to make his hole wider..
 
or you know..you could be the bottom? oh! here is a crazy idea! Don't have anal sex. If the inability to have sex is messing with your relationship then you have other things to worry about.
 
I HAVE bottomed and I enjoy it. I'm sexually satisfied by both bottoming AND topping and need to do both from time to time. My BF feels the same way...and he WANTS me to fuck him. And of course not being able to have sex would affect a relationship. Your implication that not having sex shouldn't affect a relationship is pretty ridiculous to me.
 
i guess u have to start with ur dick head ,later try to go deeper...u have to be patient..
 
I would go with the suggestion that anal sex is an option. It's not the only kind of sex, and many many gay couples get by having anal sex rarely or never.
 
of course anal sex is an option, but he needs an advice cuz its important for him and for his bf...
 
This recurring advice of just not having anal sex is really bothering me. For one, anal sex IS important to most gay couples, just as vaginal sex is for hetro couples. The suggestion that my BF and I have other "Serious problems at bay" is absolutely ridiculous. We love each deeply and we are trying hard to work on our sexual compatibility...which at this point is simple a physical problem. Not an emotional one. Nonetheless, physical sexual compatibility is a valid issue for couples (both gay and straight) to address.

After exhausting all options, my BF and I decided we'd post something here in this forum to see if anyone could give us some advice about HOW we could have anal sex...not IF we should have anal sex. It's just sort of disheartening to me that people are saying our problem isn't really a problem and we should just forget about it and move on.
 
You can't fit an elephant into a phone booth.

If he can't take you, he can't take you. No matter how much you want it, it's not going to happen.

Instead of worrying about what you can't have, focus on what you CAN, and DO have, and decide if you are happy/content with that or not.
 
is he tense or nervous about it at all? You have to relax completely for it to not hurt.

Have you tried alcohol?
 
Your BF should purchase a buttplug and wear it a little bit each day until he can wear it continuously for about two hours. This will train his ass to accept cock. This is what I did. My first time was WONDERFUL.

Good luck.
 
Just my 2 cents...

It should be possible with patience, relaxation, and practice. But if you worry too much about trying to make it work, maybe the pressure will only make things worse.

Though I agree this is an extreme case, I believe (though I cannot prove it, and I'm not a doctor or an expert), that any anus can fit any cock. Think of it this way, I don't wanna be gross, but this may serve as an example. Surely your boyfriend's ass has had to deal with 'bigger things' on its way out of his body, and he was able to stretch widely enough ... Thus, his ass should be able to stretch wide enough to welcome you in. So I think the issue here is not size, but pain and relaxation.

Has your BF ever tried to finger himself? Play with himself trying to explore his 'inner' areas?

Does he have any fears or issues? Maybe deep in his consciousness he doesn't trust any other people enough as to 'give' them his body to play with? That's why he might tighten up and can't relax properly?

I'm just making guesses, but it's good for you to start asking WHY this happens before you can see HOW to fix it...

Good luck, and I'm sure everything in your relationship will work out in the end, as long as you love each other :)
 
I thought for a long time that I could not bottom. It just hurt so fucking bad that I forgot about it. I met a top that I was willing to do anything for, and I had to relent and let him fuck me. The first two or three times were awful, butt...I persisted. For me, foreplay and the right lube were helpful. Being totally turned on, some intense rimming and fingering, mebbe some poppers(?) and/or booze, as suggested above AND silicone lube...once it is finally IN, it was so awesome that I overcame the discomfort and came to totally and literally get off on having his dick up my ass. Also, practicing with a toy on my own, so I was under no pressure and could "stretch" my own limits while jerkin or whatever helped be be more receptive...
 
You should buy a set of butt plugs, different size and shapes of dildos, different types of lubes, maybe even an anal speculum to slowly stretch his ass? Buy a book or two on anal sex with relaxation tips and techniques. Take time and be patient and maybe it will help. (I don't know if you already tried some of these methods.) Has he ruled out possibility of internal hemorrhoids or minor fissures that could be a problem? There was a time when sticking two fingers up my butt was a nightmare. Then it took me months to not be afraid of forcing mid sized butt plug because I thought I would injure myself. There is still discomfort when I try, but I have managed to handle 4 fingers like this which was impossible when I first started. !oops! I can not take larger girth dildos still because it hurts. I guess there are natural physical limitations that individuals have and we just have to live with it.

There is only so much that people can advise here. I'd say it's not easy for many guys to take 8x6 inch cock up the ass. Even women struggle to handle large penises though a vagina was designed for that.
 
Thank you everyone for your advice! My boyfriend and I ended up using a combination of your advice...slow, relaxed pace...buttplug...and a kind a of lube we had never tried before...and SUCCESS!

It ended up being some the hottest sex either of us have ever had. Thanks again.
 
mopehaus said:
Thank you everyone for your advice! My boyfriend and I ended up using a combination of your advice...slow, relaxed pace...buttplug...and a kind a of lube we had never tried before...and SUCCESS!

It ended up being some the hottest sex either of us have ever had. Thanks again.
Click to expand...

I loved reading this!! I'm so glad you asked for advice and you kept trying and never gave up :D
 
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