Well, first of all I'm gay--and no one knows about it but me. Second of all, I'm antisocial. And third of all, I'm not exactly the hottest and sexiest guy around. I have these huge crushes on random guys at my high school, and if I would even try to ask them and they were gay, which they probably aren't, they'd reject me because I'm not "cool" or good-looking enough for them. So I can't ever be with a guy, and I can't be with a girl either because I don't have any feelings for them. Then I won't be able to get into college or get a job because I can't talk very well and I'd make a bad impression on them during the interviews... I hate my life
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Help, my life is ruined
- Thread starter btgk86
- Start date
backpacker
fka "vetteboi"
I'm so sorry you feel that way. You sound depressed and some counseling would help. I assure you things will get better.
As far as looks go, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I'm sure there will be many guys who find you attractive. I know many of my friends like a different type of guy then I do. What they find hot, I don't and vice versa. Variety is the spice of life. Imagine if we all looked the same. How boring would that be?
Many guys your age lack confidence and are antisocial. Some counseling will also help with that. If you can't seek outside counseling, please see the guidance counselor at your school.
In my experience, most colleges don't do face to face interviews. They often rely on your application, transcripts, essays and SAT/ACT scores. I'm sure you will be able to get into a good college as long as you do reasonably well on those. As far as getting a career type job, that years away so don't worry about it too much. Your confidence will grow with your expanded education and life experience. As long as you are not looking for a sales job or some other people person job, the interviewers understand people who are not outgoing. That's actually an advantage for many positions where they need people to concentrate on their work and not waste company time socializing. I have interviewed people for all types of positions and I always keep in mind what type of position the person is interviewing for when I evaluate them.
You should also make an effort to get more involved and make more friends. Join some clubs at school, participate in a play even if it is a small part or on the stage crew. Don't rule out sports as there are many sports like cross country, golf and tennis that often appeal to people who are not outgoing. The more you engage people, the easier it will become and the happier you will be.
In short, worry about excelling academically, seek out some counseling and make a concerted effort to make some more friends.
As far as looks go, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I'm sure there will be many guys who find you attractive. I know many of my friends like a different type of guy then I do. What they find hot, I don't and vice versa. Variety is the spice of life. Imagine if we all looked the same. How boring would that be?
Many guys your age lack confidence and are antisocial. Some counseling will also help with that. If you can't seek outside counseling, please see the guidance counselor at your school.
In my experience, most colleges don't do face to face interviews. They often rely on your application, transcripts, essays and SAT/ACT scores. I'm sure you will be able to get into a good college as long as you do reasonably well on those. As far as getting a career type job, that years away so don't worry about it too much. Your confidence will grow with your expanded education and life experience. As long as you are not looking for a sales job or some other people person job, the interviewers understand people who are not outgoing. That's actually an advantage for many positions where they need people to concentrate on their work and not waste company time socializing. I have interviewed people for all types of positions and I always keep in mind what type of position the person is interviewing for when I evaluate them.
You should also make an effort to get more involved and make more friends. Join some clubs at school, participate in a play even if it is a small part or on the stage crew. Don't rule out sports as there are many sports like cross country, golf and tennis that often appeal to people who are not outgoing. The more you engage people, the easier it will become and the happier you will be.
In short, worry about excelling academically, seek out some counseling and make a concerted effort to make some more friends.
evil_danger
Innocent whore
Welcome to Jub and can I just say your not alone. Coming out isn't easy, but once you have told that first person it gets a little easier.
I'm antisocial myself, but the best thing I did was to just put myself out there, hang out with my friends, I always used to find reasons why I couldn't go out for a drink, or couldn't go to the shops, but just letting go and making an effort really helps, if you make an effort people often make one to include you more. I'm starting to come out my shell and become a person people want to hang around with.
Now as for your not feeling atractive, your sexy cos your you and dont let anyone else tell you otherwise. Okay so you might not be what popular opinion has said is atractive, but that doesn't make you any less sexy than some tall muscular model guy, everyone has their own tastes (which you will find out here) and its just a matter of finding someone who likes you for you! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
I'm antisocial myself, but the best thing I did was to just put myself out there, hang out with my friends, I always used to find reasons why I couldn't go out for a drink, or couldn't go to the shops, but just letting go and making an effort really helps, if you make an effort people often make one to include you more. I'm starting to come out my shell and become a person people want to hang around with.
Now as for your not feeling atractive, your sexy cos your you and dont let anyone else tell you otherwise. Okay so you might not be what popular opinion has said is atractive, but that doesn't make you any less sexy than some tall muscular model guy, everyone has their own tastes (which you will find out here) and its just a matter of finding someone who likes you for you! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
G-Lexington
Lex. Icon. Devil.
Wrong.
You're in high school. Say this to yourself over and over and over again until you start believing it.
"High school is NOT real life."
High school is 500-5000 insecure teenagers forced into one building attempting to come to grips with who they are and what they're becoming. Everyone at your school - EVERY SINGLE STUDENT - feels the way you do, at least part of the time. Most feel it pretty much nonstop. Even the ones that make fun of you. Actually, ESPECIALLY the ones that make fun of you.
You WILL get into college. It may not be your first choice, or even your third, but you'll get into one. If only good talkers got into college, there'd be maybe a LOT fewer college students, and a LOT fewer colleges. If you're not easy talking, that's fine - let your grades or SAT scores or activities speak for you.
If your school offers a debate or public speaking course, take it. It'll be tough, but it'll help you get over your terminal shyness.
My college experience was apparently typical. In high school, I was the gawky pudgy loner that talked to nobody, and whom nobody talked to. In college, I totally changed. OK, not totally - I was still kind of pudgy. But I grew much more confident, got to know a lot of people, came out of the closet, and made some amazing friends that I still contact on a very regular basis almost two decades later. Your life won't be perfect in college, but it'll no doubt get a lot better.
And ditto with not being attractive. Yes, it's easier for the hottest guys to get dates. But look around - not just at high school, but at stores and coffee shops and wherever else. You'll notice it isn't just the hot people who have partners.
Your time will come.
Lex
You're in high school. Say this to yourself over and over and over again until you start believing it.
"High school is NOT real life."
High school is 500-5000 insecure teenagers forced into one building attempting to come to grips with who they are and what they're becoming. Everyone at your school - EVERY SINGLE STUDENT - feels the way you do, at least part of the time. Most feel it pretty much nonstop. Even the ones that make fun of you. Actually, ESPECIALLY the ones that make fun of you.
You WILL get into college. It may not be your first choice, or even your third, but you'll get into one. If only good talkers got into college, there'd be maybe a LOT fewer college students, and a LOT fewer colleges. If you're not easy talking, that's fine - let your grades or SAT scores or activities speak for you.
If your school offers a debate or public speaking course, take it. It'll be tough, but it'll help you get over your terminal shyness.
My college experience was apparently typical. In high school, I was the gawky pudgy loner that talked to nobody, and whom nobody talked to. In college, I totally changed. OK, not totally - I was still kind of pudgy. But I grew much more confident, got to know a lot of people, came out of the closet, and made some amazing friends that I still contact on a very regular basis almost two decades later. Your life won't be perfect in college, but it'll no doubt get a lot better.
And ditto with not being attractive. Yes, it's easier for the hottest guys to get dates. But look around - not just at high school, but at stores and coffee shops and wherever else. You'll notice it isn't just the hot people who have partners.
Your time will come.Lex
eat-my-goal
On the Prowl
College is another word for university in the states, right?Wrong.
You're in high school. Say this to yourself over and over and over again until you start believing it.
"High school is NOT real life."
High school is 500-5000 insecure teenagers forced into one building attempting to come to grips with who they are and what they're becoming. Everyone at your school - EVERY SINGLE STUDENT - feels the way you do, at least part of the time. Most feel it pretty much nonstop. Even the ones that make fun of you. Actually, ESPECIALLY the ones that make fun of you.
You WILL get into college. It may not be your first choice, or even your third, but you'll get into one. If only good talkers got into college, there'd be maybe a LOT fewer college students, and a LOT fewer colleges. If you're not easy talking, that's fine - let your grades or SAT scores or activities speak for you.
If your school offers a debate or public speaking course, take it. It'll be tough, but it'll help you get over your terminal shyness.
My college experience was apparently typical. In high school, I was the gawky pudgy loner that talked to nobody, and whom nobody talked to. In college, I totally changed. OK, not totally - I was still kind of pudgy. But I grew much more confident, got to know a lot of people, came out of the closet, and made some amazing friends that I still contact on a very regular basis almost two decades later. Your life won't be perfect in college, but it'll no doubt get a lot better.
And ditto with not being attractive. Yes, it's easier for the hottest guys to get dates. But look around - not just at high school, but at stores and coffee shops and wherever else. You'll notice it isn't just the hot people who have partners.
Lex
G-Lexington
Lex. Icon. Devil.
>>>College is another word for university in the states, right?
The two terms are usually used interchangeably in America, although there technically IS a difference. If a school offers graduate and/or professional degrees, then it's a university. If it doesn't, it's a college. However, since (almost?) every university in America offers undergraduate degrees in addition to graduate degrees, the terms "going to college" and "going to university" tend to be fairly synonymous.
Lex
The two terms are usually used interchangeably in America, although there technically IS a difference. If a school offers graduate and/or professional degrees, then it's a university. If it doesn't, it's a college. However, since (almost?) every university in America offers undergraduate degrees in addition to graduate degrees, the terms "going to college" and "going to university" tend to be fairly synonymous.
Lex
eat-my-goal
On the Prowl
ok, just in the UK we have uni, college is before hand
i'm currently studying at a college to get my A Levels to go to uni
G-Lexington
Lex. Icon. Devil.
Yeah, the general term here is "college". "I'm in college" usually implies you're working toward your undergraduate degree. We tend not to say "I'm in university" - at that point, the focus shifts to the degree. "I'm going for my doctorate" or "I'm studying for my PhD."
...terms settled.
Lex
...terms settled.
Lex
Well, first of all, let's get the definition straight. You are not anti-social. Antisocial means being hostile, disruptive, violent, etc. You're just shy, probably extremely shy.
Second, I don't want to sugar-coat things to you, but man, you will have a really rough time along the road if you don't start changing things gradually. Depression and heartbreaks will be very common occurrence if you don't.
For one thing, gay men are generally shallow so looks are really important if you're gay. Anyone who claims otherwise is a liar. So, what should you do? Get a gym membership and start working out. Tone that body and loosen that belly. If you have skin problems like acne, go see a doctor. Get a haircut that is suitable for you. Go shopping and buy some cool clothes. If you're fat and you can't seem to lose weight, then grow a beard and become a bear. If you get random crushes on hot guys and you're just average, well good luck with all the unrequited love and rejection headed your way. Sorry, but I think it's important that you realize that.
In regards to your shyness, maybe it's social anxiety disorder. Try joining some clubs in your high school or pick up a sport. If you feel depressed, go talk to a shrink to help you out. One of the symptoms of depression is social withdrawal so it could be just that. Start smiling to people when you see them and start doing small talk.
As for going to college, you don't really need to be good-looking or an extrovert to get accepted. And make sure you get to college for several reasons. One, it might be the place for you to grow socially. Second, it would make it easier for you to get a job especially if you're really shy. And third, once you get that job, it can help you ease the pain of the disappointments in your life. Some people are workaholics simply because they're scared that when they stop working, they will realize how shitty their lives are. So in a way, their jobs help them cope with life. But make sure you pick a major and eventually a career that you love.
Anyway, good luck!
Second, I don't want to sugar-coat things to you, but man, you will have a really rough time along the road if you don't start changing things gradually. Depression and heartbreaks will be very common occurrence if you don't.
For one thing, gay men are generally shallow so looks are really important if you're gay. Anyone who claims otherwise is a liar. So, what should you do? Get a gym membership and start working out. Tone that body and loosen that belly. If you have skin problems like acne, go see a doctor. Get a haircut that is suitable for you. Go shopping and buy some cool clothes. If you're fat and you can't seem to lose weight, then grow a beard and become a bear. If you get random crushes on hot guys and you're just average, well good luck with all the unrequited love and rejection headed your way. Sorry, but I think it's important that you realize that.
In regards to your shyness, maybe it's social anxiety disorder. Try joining some clubs in your high school or pick up a sport. If you feel depressed, go talk to a shrink to help you out. One of the symptoms of depression is social withdrawal so it could be just that. Start smiling to people when you see them and start doing small talk.
As for going to college, you don't really need to be good-looking or an extrovert to get accepted. And make sure you get to college for several reasons. One, it might be the place for you to grow socially. Second, it would make it easier for you to get a job especially if you're really shy. And third, once you get that job, it can help you ease the pain of the disappointments in your life. Some people are workaholics simply because they're scared that when they stop working, they will realize how shitty their lives are. So in a way, their jobs help them cope with life. But make sure you pick a major and eventually a career that you love.
Anyway, good luck!
boy0boy
Porn Star
Wow I've never been so shocked as to someone kinda expressing themselves as truth, and can't help that it's this thinking that makes it harder for many people.
So my advice: Completely take that advice if you hope to become shallow. If not then I would really look at some of the other advice given. Insecurity is everywhere and with everyone, what you can control is how much you let it affect your life. You have a WHOLE lot to offer I'm sure, try following your passions. For example if you really enjoy something then use that continue that, weild it as a conversation starter or sustainer. Do things that when you do them, make you feel good about yourself, personally build your own self worth and that is the defining trait that will attract someone. It's okay to doubt yourself, but know when you are doing it and realize that it's only a temporary moment and that you will work on it.
Hey btgk86,
First off... I just want to repeat what some of the others guys have said... a big warm welcome to JUB! Its good to have you here.
Mate... you are being way too hard on yourself! Your post shows an intelligent capable guy... a guy whos coming to terms with his life, his sexuality and his future. And all of those those things indiviually can seem overhwelming let alone trying to deal with them all at once!
You've got the wisdom and courage to ask for help and the strength to come to a place full of new friends that you just don't know yet. None of those things show me a guy who's antisocial or unintelligent mate thats for sure!!!!
Let me assure you as someone who knows that hes no oil painting that love and happiness has very little to do with your looks... or that of your partners. How you look is largely beyond your control mate and its simply a case of letting yourself be a whole person...not just a group of parts.
Those that are close to you and love and care for you dont see just your looks. They see all of you... your values, the way you care for those around you, the way you laugh and smile. They listen when you talk and help you when you need it most. And btgk86,so will those new people that you open yourself up to.
Yes, you'll have to push yourself a little. But you have every reason to hold your head up and say hi to people. You're nothing like the person you see right now... you are unlimited potential with a future as big as you want to make it.
And that future include the job you want too... theres nothing more important to a future employer than a dedicated loyal and determined member of their team. And it matters very little if you start at the bottom mate because if you care and you try you wont be there long.
Already btgk86 your life is a little different. A group of strangers who dont know you have taken time to post and care about who you are and that you're ok. It says something about who you are and what you will be. Remember... you are never alone. There will always be someone to ask and to listen to...especially here.
First off... I just want to repeat what some of the others guys have said... a big warm welcome to JUB! Its good to have you here.
Mate... you are being way too hard on yourself! Your post shows an intelligent capable guy... a guy whos coming to terms with his life, his sexuality and his future. And all of those those things indiviually can seem overhwelming let alone trying to deal with them all at once!
You've got the wisdom and courage to ask for help and the strength to come to a place full of new friends that you just don't know yet. None of those things show me a guy who's antisocial or unintelligent mate thats for sure!!!!
Let me assure you as someone who knows that hes no oil painting that love and happiness has very little to do with your looks... or that of your partners. How you look is largely beyond your control mate and its simply a case of letting yourself be a whole person...not just a group of parts.
Those that are close to you and love and care for you dont see just your looks. They see all of you... your values, the way you care for those around you, the way you laugh and smile. They listen when you talk and help you when you need it most. And btgk86,so will those new people that you open yourself up to.
Yes, you'll have to push yourself a little. But you have every reason to hold your head up and say hi to people. You're nothing like the person you see right now... you are unlimited potential with a future as big as you want to make it.
And that future include the job you want too... theres nothing more important to a future employer than a dedicated loyal and determined member of their team. And it matters very little if you start at the bottom mate because if you care and you try you wont be there long.
Already btgk86 your life is a little different. A group of strangers who dont know you have taken time to post and care about who you are and that you're ok. It says something about who you are and what you will be. Remember... you are never alone. There will always be someone to ask and to listen to...especially here.
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You're a young guy and not self confident. It comes with age. In the meantime, talk to people. You'll be amazed that they won't bite your head off. Maybe some will even become friends. The point being, you have to get into the mainstream to meet people. Good luck and welcome!