HELP! Who the heck am I!?

[goldenmunkey]

Im not entirely sure what to say about the molestation thing, but its probably best if you try to avoid watching films like that.

For the age thing, looking for people who are older, Im sorta looking for that same kind of relationship, for people who have just hit adulthood, its probably a way to pull themselves away from being a child, to get used to their new status as an adult.

I used to be pretty sure that I was 100% gay, im still in the closet to most people, but i sometimes find that im attracted to women - but its sorta like having the feeling that i need someone/something to protect. You are young, personally, i feel that your late teens/20's are the time to find out what you are more comfortable with.

erms... are you really 18? cos your avatar says otherwise...

 

[G-Lexington]

Sex is a smorgasbord. There's a lot of things on the buffet table, and you never know what sorts of things will be interesting and which ones won't. Not everyone gets a main dish of anal with a side platter of oral. It just depends on what turns you on. And what that might be can change drastically over time.

Did your cousin's actions affect you? It's likely. He may have twisted your ideas of sex into "sex is when an older guy makes a younger guy do things like this". If you're in college (and even if you're not), you might want to schedule a trip to the counselor - s/he'll probably be able to help out with this.

Until then, don't worry too much about what you're fantasizing about. God knows I've fantasized about forcing a guy against his will, being forced by a group of guys against MY will, and a bunch of other stuff I won't weird you out with. The key thing is - I know they're fantasies. I don't REALLY want to force another guy, or be forced by other guys. I've never taken any steps towards trying to make these fantasies a reality. It's just something that excites me at the time. In addition, these fantasies tend to ebb and flow. They might be my ideal fantasy for a month, and then suddenly I've found something different to fantasize about. So long as your fantasies remain just that - fantasies - I wouldn't fret too much.

As far as what you actually might like sexually, well, that'll all fall into place eventually. You'll meet a guy, you'll eventually head to the bedroom, and you'll probably find yourself willing to try several things. At that point, you'll figure out what you really like and what you don't.

Lex

 

[HARDROCKERS]

I personally don't feel I need to protect someone, but rather the opposite!

And yes, I certainly am 18. I made this account ages ago before I came out so I just filled in whatever faux info, but I'll change it to not confuse anyone.

I also used to be pretty sure that I was 100% straight, but i sometimes find that im attracted to women & men . but mostly men now adays.
but its sorta like having the feeling that i need someone/something to be with.
can put my finger in it .

 

[CSI_3Stokes]

I, myself, like to watch dodgy kinds of movies and that is all I am saying. PM me for more.

 

[G-Lexington]

Your therapist is there specifically FOR things like this. It's like saying "nah, I won't tell the doctor about those chest pains". Yeah, it's kinda weird to talk to someone about, but she's precisely the person who's trained to deal with this sort of thing.

Lex

 

[gotdimples77]

I'm not going to read the other responses. I'm just going to say: You are 18. If something freaks you out, dont do it. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, I think you can trust yourself not to hurt others, or yourself.

 

[ELAINE]

The fact that you are concerned about being a molester is already a good sign that you are not. You know what is right and wrong. Live by your morals and you'll be fine. Fantasy is ok, if you're not hurting your self or anyone else. Your concern shows you care. We all have to pay attention to how we feel and what we think, it helps to keep our selves in check, which is a good thing. Don't be so hard on your self, we are our own worst critics. Thank you for sharing apart of your self.

 

[StlKj]

It feels weird, wrong and awkward to bring up with your therapist because you were molested. What your cousin did to you might not be something you think about much now, but you can bet that it has affected you on levels you're not even aware of, including quite possibly your attraction to older men, submissiveness and even molestation in a sexual encounter.

It's also possible that your attraction to older men has to do with the relationship that you either do or do not have with your own father--it is interesting that he was not mentioned when you talked about your coming out.

You seriously need to bring up this subject with your therapist. You don't want to find yourself in a situation where you either begin desiring sexual relations with minors or begin desiring being molested again yourself. You want your sexuality and desires to be based upon healthy urges and drives, so this needs to be explored in a safe environment with someone trained to help you.

Good luck with everything.