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Help with relationship with younger guy.

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BrendonM91

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Hi guys.

So Ive been dating a younger guy for a 6 months now, things have been going pretty good. I'm 23 and he's 18. He's cute, sweet, funny and loyal and I don't think he'd ever cheat on me. We both still chat online and on apps with other guys not so much sexually as moreso we have made friends on these apps. However lately I've been having some issues with not so much trust as just an uneasiness and feeling quite insecure. We currently are only able to see each other every few weeks due to university and school and work commitments and him not being out to his parents as well (he lives at home). I have asked him straight out if he is having second thoughts etc and he's adamant he isn't. They've come to the forefront of late because we have had a bit of a lull in our relationship, we aren't talking as much as we used to and he seems to be distracted alot. I just want to make sure it's me and not him.

What are people's thoughts.
 
While I hope that what you think of him is true, please, be open to every scenario. This doesn´t mean he is cheating, but be aware of this: he is 18 - pretty much when everything happens. You are not so far from that age either and each person is different, I know, but most teenagers are searching for experiences. It´s perfectly fine to learn what you like and what not before entering a serious relationship. Also, the second problem is that even if you chat a lot, you meet once in awhile. Even if it seems it´s not, it IS different than actually being together, doing stuff together, living close to each other etc.

All you have to do is talk. Anyone of you planning moving closer, are you seeing your future together, do you eventually plan to move in together etc. If you both are determined to stay monogamous, even with the distance, good for you. Personally, I admire it. If not, still no problem. You can have fun on the side, with or without the other knowing - you both set the rules - and decide for monogamy once you are living in the same town (or even together).

Relationships - most of them anyway - have a great beginning when you feel butterflies and the pissed drunk outside your building smells like roses, but after some time, things slow down. It always happens. If it´s maturity, ok, if it´s boredom, well, you know the answer to that one.

Talk to him.
 
hi BrendonM91,

Good you have made this posting and I fully agree with the good advice of #2.

I would like to add that him being closeted at home and living at home as well might make the situation much more complex. I mean, you and he can't do what you want as a couple, as you and he always need to hide to his family that you are his boyfriend (meaning that he is gay). I assume that his family is aware that you are friends with each other, but that's all. I can imagine myself that things would be much easier when he was open and when his family would be aware that you are his boyfriend (so meeting each other would be less stressfull, etc.).

Any idea if he has plans to open himself? Would you mind to tell us some opinions of his family about gay people?

I would like to wish you good luck.
 
Thanks for the advice guys.

To begin we are talking about moving in together around May next year. I am attempting to move closer to him right now, but just losing my job has put a dampener on this. I see our future together, he says he does too, so I am hoping that is the truth. I have thought about maybe an open relationship until I move closer to him, but I don't think it is such a good idea - I will admit I would be the jealous type - I don't like to share, and I couldn't bring myself to be with another guy whilst being with him.

Ganoderma, unfortunately his parents know nothing of my existence in his life at the moment. He is terrified of coming out to them until he can stand on his own two feet. He wants to come out eventually - but again fear is what is holding him back at the moment. I am hoping that once I move closer to him he can feel safe to come out just in case he gets kicked out of home or they have an adverse reaction to his coming out. Then at least he has somewhere to stay and will be close enough to school and friends so that he can finish his final year of high school. We aren't 100 percent sure on their opinion of gay people. From what I understand his parents have a close gay friend and a few other gay friends, but we aren't sure on their reaction to their son being gay. We are pretty sure his mum at least suspects he is. She is a bit uptight and very self focussed and will bring it all back to being about her when the time comes for Angus to come out. His father from what I understand loves him dearly and is exceptionally proud of him, so I think he will either accept him or take it hardest and be devastated.
 
Hey Brendon,
It sounds like you have a good plan in moving closer and being there to support him if things turn in a less than positive way.
I would suggest though, since you say you do not like to share and could be the jealous type, you maintain a monogamous relationship until you know for sure where things are going. This in turn could help Angus to strengthen his resolve in looking at this as a long term relationship. At his age and still being in the closet he needs good guidance. You can be that rock for him. I suspect that his family does have an inkling, and we all have faced that fear of coming out of the closet. It may be one of the hardest things that we, as gay men, must travel through. Most of the time the support is there, however, it may take some adjustments of all parties involved. Best wishes for you both and keep us informed.

Craiger
 
So I let him know my concerns, and he has assured me that there was nothing wrong and that he loves me etc. I believe him. I asked him to either delete the apps, as would I or at least cut down on the use and he has agreed to delete the apps and any of our friends we made on them we will share our email or phone number. He's showed me that there hasn't been any sex talk or anything like that with any of them and ensures that they all know he's taken. So yeah I think it was just me being a bit over sensitive.
 
That's great that the communication with Angus has gone smoothly. Assuring each other that communicating before anything crops up which could cause concern is what an honest relationship is about. Your being upfront with him has shown how much you care. Keep us up to date on how things go. Best to you.

Craiger
 
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