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Helping out a friend who might be bi?

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yybb28

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I posted some of this in one of the other subforums but i wanted to post it here to get some perspective from bi guys. lately, like over the last few months ive been noticing some things about my best friend that makes me think he is at least bi, if not fully gay. he's good looking, and gets attention but ive been noticing he flips out if a chick makes a pass at him. or he will look annoyed but you wouldnt pick this behavior up if you werent watching closely. other times, if a chick offers to sleep with him, he will tell her she has to do something first - that is impossible to do - before they can fuck. so they dont end up fucking coz she cant do this thing.

yesterday he came over to my house, we were playin on the wii and i asked if he wanted me to call some chicks before we head out somewhere for the night, and he said 'fuck chicks!' i laughed it off but i thought it was an unusual thing to say.

messed up thing is if u asked me 6 months ago if i thought he was gay or bi i wouldve laughed in your face. now im sure as hell convinced he is. someone asked him once if he was bi because they were convinced he was, and he replied that even his parents ask him, but he didnt answer the question. there are other signs as well. but unless u were watching carefully u would never pick up on these.

hes a good pal and i care about him, but i dont think of him in that way. hes a good lookin guy for sure but id never want to sleep with him. but i still want him to be comfortable enough to tell me. thats what friends are for, right? where u can be honest with each other.

how can i do this? has anyone done something like this before? any tips? im not out in case you're wonderin.
 
Well, if he is not interested in girls, I think it is quite obvious he is gay.
 
thats the weird thing about it, hes fucked a lot of girls, but ive only noticed him acting this way around girls over the last few months. is it some weird phase? why would he act weird with girls all of a sudden?
 
Maybe he is discovering he´s more interested in men, than in women. It´s not an easy thing to face; so I imagine he must feel very confused about it (I am with a man who is in the same state).
 
yybb28 said:
hes a good pal and i care about him, but i dont think of him in that way. hes a good lookin guy for sure but id never want to sleep with him. but i still want him to be comfortable enough to tell me. thats what friends are for, right? where u can be honest with each other.

how can i do this? has anyone done something like this before? any tips? im not out in case you're wonderin.
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Prolly thinks the same of you...I think he's figured YOU out my friend and is trying to make YOU comfortable enough where YOU can admit some things. It works both ways :D

How it works is you have a great night out together, have some drinks to loosen up, and then you tell him what a great friend he is and that you have something very important to tell him. Tell him about YOURSELF, don't tell him you know about him or he'll likely clam up.

He might not answer back with his own situation right away. When I came out there were guys that stayed my friends but assured me they weren't gay or anything, until several months later they finally felt comfortable enough. If you're really mates and really going through this, even if he's not comfortable enuf to open up now, he'll be so relieved that you're cool that it will help him out majorly and is still a good thing.

It's gonna take you some balls, but if you're really good friends you should do it. He's obviously going to be cool with it.

Good luck and let us know how it goes!
 
My own experiences have taught me that we often see other people with gay tendencies because we want them to be gay so we don't have to be alone in this.

There are several reasons why he's acting the way he is that don't involve an attraction to men:
1.) He could have decided to keep sex special and is waiting for the right woman.
2.) He could have had a bad relationship and is trying to keep women away so he doesn't get hurt again.
3.) He may have gotten something from one of his previous partners and doesn't want to spread it, or worse, depending on how bad it is.

My advice to you is first, leave alcohol out of it. Alcohol causes more problems than it solves. Then tell him that you've become aware of his odd behavior and are worried about him and want to know if he's okay. Don't ask him to open up to you, just let him know that you are there if he wants to.
 
red1979 said:
My own experiences have taught me that we often see other people with gay tendencies because we want them to be gay so we don't have to be alone in this.

There are several reasons why he's acting the way he is that don't involve an attraction to men:
1.) He could have decided to keep sex special and is waiting for the right woman.
2.) He could have had a bad relationship and is trying to keep women away so he doesn't get hurt again.
3.) He may have gotten something from one of his previous partners and doesn't want to spread it, or worse, depending on how bad it is.

My advice to you is first, leave alcohol out of it. Alcohol causes more problems than it solves. Then tell him that you've become aware of his odd behavior and are worried about him and want to know if he's okay. Don't ask him to open up to you, just let him know that you are there if he wants to.
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Thanks a ton for all the replies. This ^ is what im worried about. im worried that maybe there is an innocent explanation for the weird behavior. im positive than im not trying to look for gay tendencies in him, like i said, i just started noticing this lately. hes a good pal but even if he came out i would never do anything physical with him coz i dont see him that way. i dunno how im gonna take it from here but i will work something out from what everyone else said.

i was wondering if i was imagining things but it doesnt seem like im the only one that thinks he might be gay or bi.
 
Well so far, you have only indicated that is losing interest in bar sluts. Maybe he is interested in a ltr with a female, maybe he is tired of one night stands. Then again, maybe is interested in guys. When you are with him, is he checking out guys? What are his eyes telling you? His mom has obviously saw something, moms are always right on this one. Ask him if we wants to go a gay bar sometime for fun.

For a lot of people, their sexual orientation is something very personal and not easily shared with anyone, not even close friends. I have a friend like, that, he is gay, but he will never admit it to anyone. We are still great friends, and I don't feel he as to admit it if he would rather not. That's what a friend is for, accepting his feelings about not admitting it if that is how he wants to handle it.
 
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