Him...and His Kids

[hotdog1846]

I think the number one consideration in considering a considerate relationship with someone who has kids is what's best for those who are the most vulnerable: the children.

I have to be honest: two gay men raising children together is more than most communities can deal with. It's not that they will be bad parents. It's that conservative elements of society can make it so difficult on the couple and their kids that it'll spill over into the family dynamics and spoil what could be a perfectly fine thing.

Heck, even two men living together as a couple is more than a lot of neighborhoods can bear.

But, it's not that way in all cities. More liberal urban environments are just fine.

So, for myself, I think the "kids attached" question depends on the circumstances. If one is tied to a conservative community, "kids attached" might very well be too complicated for little ol' me. But if one is in a more accepting environment, "kids attached" might well be a bonus.

One of the hard things for me is giving up children, having a progeny, someone to carry on the family name. Someone to shape and mold into an adult, then launch them into the world. I think I'd make a damn good dad. With the right guy, the right community, the right support structures, I think "kids attached" would be just fine. I'm not deliberately looking for such, mind you, and there have been many, many times over the years I've been thankful I haven't had kids. So I'm just saying: not a deal-breaker, maybe even a bonus.

 

[buzzj]

I've never been in that situation. But I like to think that there would be no deal breakers if I were genuinely in love with someone... other, that is, than marriage. I would not want to be the other man in the breakup of a marriage.

 

[blooeyz]

so what
I'd be more concerned if he was a shitty parent

 

[jwest]

Oooooo! He looks good, has a job, and doesn't seem to have any major sociopathic leanings. He's witty, intelligent, gifted, talented, creative etc. and so one and so forth but...

you find out he has kids...

...and they're imPORtant to him.

NOW what?

stop talking about me ger..

i say go for it,
finding a guy is hard enough, if youve found one, and thats the biggest concern, especially as a father yourself, you shouldnt have anything to worry about

 

[Swellegant]

^ Children's pelts make very unsatisfactory leather. Too delicate. And they're very unreliable as servants. Hence no earthly use.

Actually, my real problem with children is that I never quite know what to say to them. They have such limited vocabularies and interests, as a rule. But so long as I can get on one of my hobby horses (I love teaching children table-manners), or if they like the same TV shows I do, then we're set as far as conversation goes.

I'm also completely baffled by discipline... living with a man who has children would be a challenge, as I would be a perfect patsy. Dating him would be no problem, but anything more intimate than that might be made problematic by the existence of children, particularly if they lived with him full-time rather than on the weekends.

 

[ahotjock71]

For those of you who remember the "Brian" ordeal during/after my trip to Tulsa in the Spring....

He has 3 kids & that made me want him even more. I can't have kids myself, but would love to. So him already having that end wrapped up sweetened the deal for me.

Too bad he didn't meet any of the other criteria...he was fucked up in the head.