HIV and Topping

[confusedone]

Just to make a few things clear in my post: I suffer from depression and felt suicidal for a while, I top but never cum until I get home (I know it's odd), and barebacked five times in my life: December 2012, June 2013, July 2013, December 2013, and February 2014. The guys I've been with said they were neg, but people can easily lie. I haven't gotten tested since August because I felt like it didn't matter to me anymore since I was planning on committed suicide. This came from feeling numb and a failure. I'm going to get tested tomorrow and I am wondering what are my chances of contracting HIV when I've been topping and not cumming at all, not even precum?

I apologize for being so ignorant about this and not getting my health in check. My mental health is a lot better now, but I'm scared about my physical health now.

 

[nafhoosier]

You had several high risk encounters, one of which may have hurt you. I don't think you will get much reassurance here that things are OK until you get your test results.

Regardless of the outcome - you will move on with your life. If you truly are progressing and helping overcome your mental health challenges than you can certainly overcome your physical ones.

First step is to not bareback anymore.

Good luck on your test.

 

[Benvolio]

Whether you cum or not is not relevant, and it will not protect you. Tops have less risk in anal sex than bottoms, but it is still there and is greater if you are uncircumcised. The question is whether there is an exchange of fluids from having your dick in the anal canal of someone with HIV. It seems unlikely, but obviously some tops do get infected. I don't think anyone can give you a percentage. My personal guess is that it would be a low percentage.
Most guys have a period, two or three weeks after infection, of experiencing flu or mononucleosis like symptoms. If you did not experience that illness after your encounters, it is less likely that you have a problem.

 

[confusedone]

Whether you cum or not is not relevant, and it will not protect you. Tops have less risk in anal sex than bottoms, but it is still there and is greater if you are uncircumcised. The question is whether there is an exchange of fluids from having your dick in the anal canal of someone with HIV. It seems unlikely, but obviously some tops do get infected. I don't think anyone can give you a percentage. My personal guess is that it would be a low percentage.
Most guys have a period, two or three weeks after infection, of experiencing flu or mononucleosis like symptoms. If you did not experience that illness after your encounters, it is less likely that you have a problem.

I got my results back today and I'm negative. I'm not going to bareback again. It causes so much unneeded anxiety and stress which made my depression worse

 

[DmitriyEM]

Whether you came or not is irrelevant. Someone can top a guy for 15 minutes without cumming that doesn't mean their risk is lower is dramatically lower than if they came a minute later. It only makes the risk lower for the bottom if you didn't cum. Anyhow you're still at a lower risk as a top.

 

[ClownKing]

Topping is pretty low-risk,

 

[KaraBulut]

In cases like this, the only resolution comes from getting tested. And the testing should not be limited to just HIV- you'll need a full battery of tests including the more common STDs like gonorrhea and syphilis. You should also ask about immunization for hepatitis if you didn't get the shots as a chlid (all sexually active gay men should be immunized for hepatitis).

I'm not going to bareback again. It causes so much unneeded anxiety and stress which made my depression worse

The negative HIV result is not unexpected given what you have described- it was a lower risk encounter. Most experts recommend repeating the HIV test at about 90 days to confirm the negative result.

It's good that this has made you rethink barebacking. Even if you are depressed and suicidal, your sex partners are also placed at risk, too. For example, if you had contracted gonorrhea in your Dec 2013 encounter, you could have passed the infection along to your Feb 2014 partner without knowing it. Condoms don't just protect you- they also protect your sex partners and the partners of your sex partners.


On another note- the real problem here is the depression. Are you being treated for depression?

 

[confusedone]

In cases like this, the only resolution comes from getting tested. And the testing should not be limited to just HIV- you'll need a full battery of tests including the more common STDs like gonorrhea and syphilis. You should also ask about immunization for hepatitis if you didn't get the shots as a chlid (all sexually active gay men should be immunized for hepatitis).



The negative HIV result is not unexpected given what you have described- it was a lower risk encounter. Most experts recommend repeating the HIV test at about 90 days to confirm the negative result.

It's good that this has made you rethink barebacking. Even if you are depressed and suicidal, your sex partners are also placed at risk, too. For example, if you had contracted gonorrhea in your Dec 2013 encounter, you could have passed the infection along to your Feb 2014 partner without knowing it. Condoms don't just protect you- they also protect your sex partners and the partners of your sex partners.


On another note- the real problem here is the depression. Are you being treated for depression?

I got all the common STD tests done with my HIV test so I have to wait a couple of weeks to get those back. I'm cleared for all hepatitis since I got immunized when I was a kid.

I have to self-treat my depression. I'm getting back on my workout plan, avoiding eating comfort since that played a huge role in my depression. I'm going to go back to therapy and hopefully this therapist believes that I have depression since my last one didn't. I feel bad that I didn't use a condom and could have possibly spread a STD.

 

[KaraBulut]

I have to self-treat my depression. I'm getting back on my workout plan, avoiding eating comfort since that played a huge role in my depression. I'm going to go back to therapy and hopefully this therapist believes that I have depression since my last one didn't.

It's good that you're getting back into a routine that will help with your depression. But this time, don't let it get to the point where you contemplate self-harm. If your therapist is not taking your self-destructive behaviors seriously, it's time to fire your therapist and get one who listens.