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hiw do you dela?

3nipples

3nipples

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What was the question? How to deal with being sober when everyone around you is drunk?

You can drink quickly yourself to try to catch up with them, but run the risk of choosing the wrong drink because you're in such a hurry and then end up regretting it afterwards.

You can leave the drunks to their party and go off to do something else, preferably something you enjoy doing, thereby giving yourself the chance to meet other people that are sober.
 
Good question Antares. I came to the conclusion that I was meant to be alone, since there was no one that I seemed to be interested in...Similarly, I didn't think anyone was all that interested in me. (I was a bit naive during my pre-relationship days...)

When I finally was comfortable with being single, about a month later, I was asked out and I found myself in a relationship. (By surprise...I was naive). I liked the relationship and it opened my eyes to a lot of things.

After the break-up, I was devastated. It was my first relationship and I didn't know how to deal with the emptiness that I felt. My friends came out in droves to help me through it and I felt "loved." Friends who I hadn't seen a while were calling, e-mailing, taking me out for coffee. My family was also very supportive and they empathized with me. I had this huge support network carrying me on.

After some time I became comfortable with being single again. I know that my friends are there waiting in the wings to catch me when I fall and it's a nice feeling to have. You know at that point, people love you and that you're never alone.

How do I "deal" with being single...The first thing I did was to stop looking at being single as something to "deal with." If you look at singledom as a "condition" that has to be changed, you're going to be miserable. Remember when you were in the closet? You looked at being gay as something you had to deal with. Like it was some kind of "condition." Once you came out, you stopped looking at it that way. You were just "gay." It wasn't anything to be ashamed of, it was just a part of you.

I look at being single the same way I look at being gay. It's just something that is. Will I find someone someday? Maybe. But I'm not going to spend my days pining for someone. I live my life the way I want to live it.

Just remember, there's positive and negative aspects to both singledom and couplehood. You already know the negatives of being single, so here are the positives: 1-You don't have to check in with anyone. 2- You can do whatever your heart desires, whenever you want. ie: Fly to Cuba for a one week vacation last minute. (employment issues, not withstanding) 3-There is no obligation for you to do something that you'd rather not do. ie: Your bf/fiance/husband likes to get plastered on weekends at the gay bar...you'd rather be at home cuddling on the couch. 4-No jealousy when you speak to another guy. 5-You see your friends more often.

When you get out of a relationship, you tend to forget the negative aspects and you gloss over all the difficult times. But being in a relationship isn't a bed of roses. Actually, it IS a bed of roses...it looks nice, smells nice and is generally nice...But there are a bunch of thorns that you don't really see and every so often you're scratched or pricked by them.
 
Excellent advice, halubtsi. Makes me feel better already. Hang in there, Antares. You're a great catch. Your time will come sooner than you think.
 
You can't love someone else if you don't love yourself.. and the best way to love yourself is to be alone with yourself and get to know the real you...

Only when you have come to terms with being fine by yourself will you be confident enough to find the proper mate.
 
Casual sex, eh? Well, if you've had casual sex before and know what you're getting into, then I'm sure you'll have no problem finding that. Just make sure that it's casual sex that you want.
Each guy is different, so I really can't comment on your own personal desires. As for me, casual sex has never been something that I've ever sought. Just be sure that you know what you're getting yourself into, if you've never done this before. And apparently, from what I've been told, you'd need to psychologically disconnect the act of sex from any other deep feelings, such as intimacy, that you might normally equate to it.
 
Antares,
I was right where you are...sick of being single and feeling like everyone else was finding people. But then I just decided to not care and just work on me. Out of the blue I get a message from a guy that saw me out at a bar, we met for coffee earlier and we now have a second date scheduled. So it really does happen when you don't look for it.
 
I used to deal with it by taking my friends away from their significant others and making them spend time with me. And no it was not in a creepy/desperate way it was more like "we haven't seen each other in (insert time) let's have dinner, just the two of us.
 
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