Homosexuality in heterosexual central?

[Laboyes]

Today I saw two guys kiss in public! Immediately it made me selfishly consider the fact that I've only known two gay kids where I'm from. I want to experiment with my own sexuality, but the population here doesn't particularly encourage anything that falls outside of the norm. For that reason I highly doubt there can be any eligible gay guys around me to try anything new. I also can't see that number of people expanding greatly for --to throw out some arbitrary number-- four years or so.

Unfortunately, it isn't horribly feasible for me to think about relocating any time soon. I'm not looking for anything too serious, so it doesn't really make sense for me to try and develop a long-term relationship online with someone who wouldn't be physically present. I'm very much not attracted to my one gay male friend, and using him to have sex feels ridiculously shallow and amoral.

I know I'm being pretty picky. Any ideas about how to start putting myself out there?

 

[72-Jay]

Only time I ever saw 2 guys kiss in public was at a pride festival.
That was ofcourse downtown in the city, and well...a 'gay event' so not unexpected.
I've also seen 2 guys holding hands a couple times - down in the city (just on a average day too)
But outside city limits where I live, you're deff not gonna see any of that.

----
Oh and nothing wrong with picky!
sorry but can't help with any ideas on how to start putting yourself out there, since I have no idea on that myself.

 

[Laboyes]

Smalltown USA? They actually got enough people to hold a Pride festival, or do you mean you visited the city to attend the event?

 

[72-Jay]

No I mean I visited the city (Denver) to attend the event.

 

[TX-Beau]

I grew up on a farm in Texas. Peckerwoods was them classy folks. Seriously, I doubt you could get any more rural or backwoods than my family unless you were squealing like a pig somewhere in Appalachia. Did I mention the fanatic Southern Baptist thing?

Are you out to your family? I am, they all know, and, well, I admit that I use that to annoy my hater relatives. I have one Great Aunt who I just make up shit to scandalize.

"...Aunt Eunice, my gay lover feels sore after the anal sex, do you have any advice?..."

LOL. She's a hater bitch but it isn't personal. A cousin married a Black guy and the hater bitch wouldn't even go to the church. I'd love to get married in the Baptist Church in the county, but unfortunately, they won't oblige.

AND YET, there are a lot of people who are quite decent, red necks and all.

No I didn't find a guy in the country, that happened in college - and then it didn't happen for another fifteen years. Years I spent in WEHO, where I didn't find a guy either. Well - I found a bunch of guys and they were entertaining, but in the end I went back to that first guy, I met in Dallas at school, when I was just a baby gay redneck from the back forty.

I will say this, you can find a fuck wherever you are, so long as you are willing to make the compromises. If you want a life with a guy though, you have to find a way to put yourself in a position to find that - and that's a proactive proposition. Not only do you have to find a way to put yourself in the path of the kind of man you want, you have to be the guy HE wants when you get there.

You look really young, so you probably have the time, just remember, the older you get the harder this becomes, don't waste valuable youth on indecision.

 

[Laboyes]

Thanks for the helpful comment, TX-Beau.

Are you out to your family? I am, they all know, and, well, I admit that I use that to annoy my hater relatives. I have one Great Aunt who I just make up shit to scandalize.

I am sort of out to my family. One day a little while ago I told my mom that I might be attracted to males, who proceeded to tell everyone else all of her fears about me. Most of them made a big deal about it. Now I think they don't believe it because they haven't seen an immediate change in my attitude. They probably think I was making it up or was just going through a phase. I probably would too.

Love the Aunt Eunice thing! Before I had even imagined figuring out my own sexuality tried to explain to my grandmother that her dead gay brother was not necessarily burning eternally. She had a (fake?) choking fit and I had to get her water before she changed the subject to one of ostensible innocence from one of "grace." I can't tell whether her rosary got more practice the next morning than usual, but I'd bet it did.

If you want a life with a guy though... you have to be the guy HE wants when you get there.

Right now I'm sure deciding on one guy with whom to spend the rest of my life would be a very poor choice; even my decisions about cereal and milk take a ton of time at the moment, and I already regret the pretty insignificant mistakes I previously made in those areas growing up.

I'm also really bad at submission and trust in general. Whether compromise falls into that list is hard to tell on anything other than a case by case basis. Anyway, I just read "Good Country Folks" by Flannery O'Conner, and it's safe to say that my current level of trust in humanity must be about equal to the main character's after the text's end. I guess it'll just be safer to try and get myself on the market with the safe assurance that I'm looking for something light and physical before possibly moving forward further. That'll be fun.

Thanks again for the help!

 

[Seasoned]

^Great realization expressed here. Lightening up and having fun IS the place to start. Thinking about the future is, of course, always ok, but, when it causes worry or takes away from enjoying the moment, it can be very detrimental. Best wishes.

 

[TX-Beau]

...I'm also really bad at submission and trust in general. Whether compromise falls into that list is hard to tell on anything other than a case by case basis. Anyway, I just read "Good Country Folks" by Flannery O'Conner, and it's safe to say that my current level of trust in humanity must be about equal to the main character's after the text's end. I guess it'll just be safer to try and get myself on the market with the safe assurance that I'm looking for something light and physical before possibly moving forward further. That'll be fun.

Thanks again for the help!

Benefit from my years as party boy central. ANY guy that wants to settle down and commit IMMEDIATELY, is waving a huge red flag. Chances are he's trying to date some impossible standard in his head. Guys that try to change you, aren't dating YOU in the first place - don't go into anything thinking that after you change HIM, things will be golden. You date the guy as you find him. Be realistic, if he's a party boy, don't expect monogamy, if he's a homebody, don't expect the White Party...

The hardest lesson to learn is to look beyond the lens of your own hopes and expectations ans SEE the actual guy you're dealing with. I used to live in Drama. Until I got the knack of seeing who I was dealing with. Got to the point where I could have a good time with the Party boy, and avoid the serial monogamists, and the Drama pretty much disappeared.

Most times though guys you date just want to have fun - however they define that. Could be hiking or drinking, or anything at all, and if you're the guy they associate with fun, they'll keep coming back - you never want to be an obligation. Remember, dating isn't the relationship, it's the dress rehearsal for the relationship, and it's going to take you a bunch of guys before you know yourself well enough to clearly define what you want, and that's perfectly normal. Took me a decade and a half to realize that my initial instinct had been right, but that neither of us at 19 (that seems sooooo young to me now) were in any kind of mental or emotional place to make that work. It took all those years and all those guys in the interim before the two of us were in the right place at the right time - and well, it took the two of us having the time to grow the fuck up.

You're going to do what you're going to do, and that's a good thing, it's the prerogative of those of us who've gone before to give good advice, and it's the prerogative of the young to ignore it. Good luck, have fun, and remember, it's your life, and YOU are in control of it.