Hook up first, be friends later?

[slickery]

So for some odd reason, well not odd but something I've took notice to recently. I've made two new gay mates as of recent, as in the past couple months who are independent of each other ie don't know each other. The first couple times I went out with them to the clubs I ended up hooking up with them. Not sex or anything, just making out and sleeping in the same bed. Well scratch that it still happens.

I don't know if it's just me but I always end up hooking up with a friend if I go out with them for the night and we don't part ways for some reason. Like right now I've got 3 friends who if at the end of the night we were leaving we would end up hooking up. It's not like we date or anything, and there are for sure no feelings on any end. Everyone knows this too and we'll sit around and laugh about it and talk about who we've hooked up with. It's just a bit of hit and giggle with the girls. I guess it just ends up like there's no reason why we can't make out as it is fun to do.

Does anyone else do this? I feel it's a pretty normal thing in this community, but I only have my circle of friends to compare with. But it always seems to happen, especially with new friends, even if there is 100% no attraction to them.

 

[G-Lexington]

My main point I'd like to be make concerns the use of the passive voice. I hate it when people use it in cases like this.

Dude, seriously, you did not "end up" hooking up "for some reason". There's not a magnet in your pants keeping you from leaving, dragging you towards unattractive guys, forcing you to make out with them and share their bed.

You made out with these guys, and slept in their beds because you wanted to.

Now there's nothing wrong with doing that, or even wanting to. But don't chalk it up to some mysterious homosexual force that's beyond your control. You're not a helpless creature floating on the homosexual tide. You're hooking up with guys because you enjoy it. So fucking OWN it already. "I met a guy last night, I kinda liked him, so I decided to stick around and spend the night."

Lex

 

[Homoerectus]

Hooray for G-Lex. Too many people try to blame everything they do which makes them uncomfortable or everything bad that happens to them on someone or something. It is time everyone takes responsibility for the actions we can avoid but we still decide to do.

 

[slickery]

I'm not blaming anything, or saying that it's out of my control and things just happen. It's almost more of a way of getting the sexual tension out of friendship first and putting it behind rather then having it build up and explode into something it shouldn't be, as it's easier to move on as friends.

Like I said maybe it's just the people I meet or the situations I put myself in. I'm also not saying that I try to avoid it and I don't know what I'm doing. I know fully well what is going on, and would never do anything I didn't want to do.

It was merely a discussion I was having with my friends and wanted to get an outside opinion on. Not to be chastised as some out of control slag.

 

[backseatboy]

I figured out that I kinda create the sexual tension that alot of my gay friends and I have. I deal with sexual tension between my friends through conversation. If I want to deal with sexual tension through flirting, kissing, or playing I ask them on a date.

G-Lexington is very right. I mean, if your happy doing what your doing just do it. No matter what others might do in your shoes.

 

[Lube]

Actually, it just shows that you're human.

It sounds more like a need for affection than a need for sex.

 

[G-Lexington]

Hey, you can call it whatever you want. I'm not passing judgment on what you're doing - only on how you're distancing yourself from it. (So when other people have sex the night they meet, they're "out of control slags", but when YOU do it, you're "getting past the awkwardness"?) Like I said, OWN it. Stop saying you "ended up spending the night". Start saying, "I decided to spend the night." Because you did. And if that's what you wanted to do, then kick ass.

Lex

 

[evil_danger]

The only friends I've done that with... well it put sexual tension there instead of "getting it out the way".

As far as I know, its not a normal part of being friends, I know friends who have done that but in my experience a friend is someone you dont make out with for a laugh which is good, why would you want to take away the importance of making out, its a fun thing to do with someone you fancy and care about!

 

[landers]

As long as you're both okay with it what does it matter? I went through this same thing too a while back, one drunken night at a club and I woke up in the morning wondering how it would affect our friendship. Turns out hooking up didn't have any effect on our friendship. We were both horny, single and drunk and we also knew that neither of us had any interest in a relationship with each other or anyone else. As long as you accept this as a little fooling around with no strings attached and don't expect anything but a little fun out of it then you should be fine.

 

[looseliam]

All the time. I have some good friends that started as a fuck - and some enemies.

However, I have slept with most of my friends.