Hooked up with my best friend...

[smash_me_457]

So I have an issue.
Two nights ago I was at a party with my friends and ended up going home with my best friend...He texted me as we were leaving and I was all like "wanna come over?" and all that stuff. Make a long story short we ended up spending the night together and doing more than we ever should have.

Now this wouldn't be a big problem except that we hooked up last spring...but nowhere near as intense as this....

So now I don't know what to do. Do I just let it play out because maybe it was just a one time hookup thing...well two time? Do I confront him about it because it looks like it might happen again at some point considering this was the second time? He is one of my best friends and I ultimately don't want to lose that but....

Someone help please.

 

[lonnie1]

I don't think it hurts to ask him how he would like the relationship to proceed.
If he wants to keep it casual, you'll know. If he wants it to become more serious, you'll also know.

 

[G-Lexington]

First, decide what you'd like, and what you'd find acceptable. Ideally, what WOULD you like? Would you like to just become a couple? Would you like to be "friends with benefits"? Would you rather not have sex again?

Then talk to him about it. Straight up. Let him know how much you value the friendship, and that you don't want the sex to somehow interfere with that, so find out what he feels comfortable with as well.

Lex

 

[smash_me_457]

Yeah. I understand what you guys are saying. It's just a little complicated because he used to like me and I used to like him but it didn't work for whatever reasons. And now this kind of came out of nowhere....

Ideally I think I would like to either keep it casual or whatever and possibly keep having some fun but I don't know if that is best for our friendship and whatever else and I don't know when it would cross the line of more than just having some fun.

 

[looseliam]

Some of my best lovers have been old friends.

I wouldn't jump into the "what do you want" conversation just yet. Gauge his reaction the next time you two meet.

 

[KaraBulut]

Do I confront him about it because it looks like it might happen again at some point

Maybe "confront" is the wrong word to use here but yes, you should have a talk.

There are only two people who know what (if anything) they want from this relationship, so you should be honest and ask him to do the same.

 

[smash_me_457]

It happened again this weekend....ugh.

And I am starting to like him again...not good.

 

[KaraBulut]

It happened again this weekend....ugh.

And I am starting to like him again...not good.

And you still haven't had that talk, have you?

The two of you don't seem to have a problem fucking but when it comes to having a conversation about it, that seems to be difficult. It's also probably not a good sign for the possibility of a lasting relationship to come from this.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>It happened again this weekend....ugh.

OK, first things first. Start taking responsibility for your actions. Sex doesn't "happen". People choose to have sex. You chose to have sex. Nothing wrong with that, but don't make it sound like it's out of your control. It isn't. You can say "I want to" or "I don't want to".

And yes, KB's right. Have the talk. Find you where you're headed. Don't expect things to "happen".

Lex

 

[backpacker]

It happened again this weekend....ugh.

And I am starting to like him again...not good.

As Lex said, it doesn't just happen. You chose to let it happen. If you don't want it, you need to ask why you are making the choice.

Why is liking him not good? Is there some reason why he wouldn't make a good partner for you? Do you not want a partner at this time?

I know you said it didn't work out before for "whatever reasons". What were those "whatever reasons"? Was it a sexual relationship (or not) back then and was that an issue? Were you much younger and not ready for a serious relationship. Was one of you just coming out? Is the reason why it didn't work before something that both of you have out grown or is that you two just aren't compatible? If it's the later, then you need to have a talk to him about your current situation. Set the proper boundaries for what you both want and expect.

Are you afraid that you are starting to fall for him and that he may not have similar feelings? If that's the case, you need to talk to him.

That only situation where you don't need to talk to him right now is where you are willing to just let things develop and see where they lead with no expectations. Keep in mind that this path is also the greatest danger to your friendship.

 

[drhladnjak]

In my experience, a friendship with benefits rarely stays one for very long. Either you become something more (rare) or you both move on (usually) after a while. I wouldn't recommend entering into that sort of relationship with your best friend if you want your friendship to last otherwise. If both of you do want more, it may be worth putting your friendship on the line to try it. It could work out and maybe that outcome is worth the risk. It could implode too, but could go either way on whether you stay friends or not.