Hooking up

[Thru-and-Thru]

Hey guys -

A quick setup first. I haven't had any sexual contact since last November, so it's been a long while to say the least. I've spent the better part of the last year either chasing a hopeless crush to no avail, or completely withdrawing myself from the dating or hookup scene. I hate how much time I've wasted getting nowhere in that regard (I was, however, quite productive these last few months coming out to some close friends and getting more comfortable in my own skin).

So, I've decided getting laid would be a good first step for moving forward. Some NSA fun will hopefully restore my confidence and help me forget the last guy I was with. And, the guy I've been chatting with recently about hooking up isn't new to me. We saw each other a few times about 3 years ago before he moved away. Now we're back in contact and he's staying in town for a few weeks with family. He seems eager to see me and I find him very attractive. Personality-wise I'm not so taken with him, but I realize that's not so important when it comes to casual sex - and I do like him well enough to be around him. But I digress...

My question to you guys is, do you have any advice for me as I get back into the hookup game? Any "best practices" that you go by or "Dos" and "Donts"? (The safe sex part is covered.) Ideally I'd like to see him a few times while he's here and I want it to be fun and go as smoothly as possible. If all goes according to plan we're going to see each other tomorrow night.

I'm excited for it but also quite nervous and unsure. To say I'm a bit rusty would be an understatement! (Both with regard to the physical act of it and the personal communication aspect... the playing of "the game" so to speak). I'm not real sure how to handle this once it comes face-to-face with each other... how to conduct myself, moves to make, etc.

Any advice or comment would be much appreciated. Thanks guys!

 

[Mendax]

Don't take it too seriously - you're hooking up, it's supposed to be fun.

Live in the moment of it, enjoy yourself.

Don't look for romance - it's sex, not love.

The physical aspect...that will come back to you; sex is like riding a bike, you never really forget how to do it.

You're stressing yourself out over it too much...you should be excited, you're getting laid! Have fun, do what feels good, respect each other's boundaries, and play safe. Best of luck mate, hope the sex is fantastic .

 

[Nomenclature]

Don't let your hormones make you rush into hooking up with someone you don't feel comfortable with.


Don't do anything unprotected with someone if you aren't 100% sure that they're clean.


Do keep us updated on how it goes.

 

[Seasoned]

Smile a lot without be goofy about it. Tell him how happy you are to see him (if you are). Tell him that you have beat off to those old images (if you have). Do NOT do all of the above in the first 15 seconds after meeting him. Do it over the course of the evening, or whatever time frame you are seeing him. Once the two of you get warmed up ask him if he still likes______(fill in the blank). Good luck. Have fun.

 

[Thru-and-Thru]

Thanks for the feedback guys - it really was helpful and helped me calm down about the whole thing.

So an update for you...
He came over tonight and we just hung out for about a half hour and watched TV and chatted. I was on my way to bed soon and he was just passing through the neighbourhood and wanted to say hi so he didn't stay long. We haven't seen each other in 3 years after all so it was nice to just get re-acquainted.

It went really well I thought, we conversed well... smiled at each other, laughed, made eye contact. A part of me wanted to throw myself all over him but I played it cool, haha. We're gonna try and get together tomorrow evening again, and I'm sure we'll get down to business then.

P.S. - any tips for making the first move tomorrow if he doesn't? I'm really terrible at this. Once things get going I'm good but I always freeze when it comes to getting the fun started.

 

[MrBubulino]

Set the environment. Think of the best scenario for you to feel comfortable. For example, low lights, soft music... He's eager to see you, man. If you already saw each other and he wants to see you again almost immediately, it means he's into you.

So relax. And if you feel nervous, tell him something funny about that... make fun of yourself. He'll probably realize you're nervous and make a move. The eye contact, the proximity... everything counts. If you're both on a sofa, or close to each other talking, it would be easier for you to put your hand on his leg or something... try that.

Don't take it too seriously. It's not like you're in love with him haha!

 

[Thru-and-Thru]

^ Thanks Mr. Bubulino, I took your advice. He came over last night, and I tried setting the mood with just some lamp light... some soft blankets to warm up with (my basement suite can be pretty chilly).

He was wanting some gum because he had just come from supper and drinks with friends, and I had none. So, I asked him "Are you sure your breath is that bad? Let me see for myself," and I came up to him and kissed him (his breath was just fine). Haha, pretty bad I know, but it made him smirk. Within a few minutes we were relaxing on the couch together watching TV. And within a few minutes of that we were in my bedroom and, well, you know the rest....

I'm happy I went through with it and it was good to clear out some of the cobwebs, so to speak. We're going to see each other again, and the nice thing is I don't see any chance of falling for him. He's leaving town again in a few weeks, and all that's between is strictly casual. We can chat, and laugh, and be playful with each other but I know when it's all over a few weeks from now that will be that.

One thing about last night that was upsetting was when I went to sleep after he'd gone home. I had a long and vivid dream about the last guy I was with who I fell very hard for and still can't get out of my mind. I can recall the dream so well right down to hearing his voice in the dream. We were having the perfect weekend together... relaxing, laughing, fooling around, and I remember he was saying the sweetest things to me. I was so convinced it was real that it was quite upsetting when I woke up, and it weighed on my mind most of the morning. To think about the dream now even makes my heart skip a little. Here I go and finally get laid with a totally different, very attractive guy... and all I can dream about that night is the last guy I was with who I can't seem to forget. Any thoughts on that?