Houston we have a Problem

[Achilleus]

Ciao',

I have been debating for a few months whether or not to join this forum. I have a bit of a dilemma, I have become interested in guys.

In the culture that I grew up, the gay thing just didn't fly. It was considered a one way trip to the infernal regions, and brother, the only thing you'd be taking up the arse is the devil's pitchfork. I grew up very straight, thinking gays were bad people even child molesters. I certainly regret these sentiments now and have not felt this way for some time. A good friend of mine came out after high school, that opened my eyes to the fact that gay people are just normal people. They don't have horns or forked tongues.

But to my problem, as I say I was always straight, always interested in the ladies. Some few years back, surfing the net, I happened, quite unintentionally, on some gay pictures. It was pictures of a twink, I believe you would call him. All I can say is since then, I can't get enough of gay porn, mostly the cute androgynous guys.

So, what should I do? I just turned 34, so am I too old to pursue this course, go from porn to real people. I mean all the gay people I have heard have said they knew they were gay from when they were young. This is obviously not the case with me. There are christian ministries which claim to cure such feelings, but they seem fradulent, and one must wonder is there really anything needs curing?

Semper Fi,

 

[swerve]

Why not try it out for real -- and see what you think and how you feel...

SOMETIMES being TRUE to yourself is more difficult than it sounds...

BEST OF LUCK...

And WELCOME to JUB!!!




p.s. As far as the religion thing goes -- I believe that God INTENTIONALLY made us gay to make the world a BETTER place -- There is a lot of discussion about this in the RELIGION forum...

 

[fetaby]

Ciao', Italian?

I have been debating for a few months whether or not to join this forum. I have a bit of a dilemma, I have become interested in guys.

In the culture that I grew up, the gay thing just didn't fly. It was considered a one way trip to the infernal regions, and brother, the only thing you'd be taking up the arse is the devil's pitchfork. I grew up very straight, thinking gays were bad people even child molesters. I certainly regret these sentiments now and have not felt this way for some time. A good friend of mine came out after high school, that opened my eyes to the fact that gay people are just normal people. They don't have horns or forked tongues. Don't knock a forked tongue until it's been on your testicles...

But to my problem, as I say I was always straight, always interested in the ladies. Some few years back, surfing the net, I happened, quite unintentionally, on some gay pictures. It was pictures of a twink, I believe you would call him. All I can say is since then, I can't get enough of gay porn, mostly the cute androgynous guys. The urge to psychoanalyze this to pieces is strong, but I'll leave it alone and call you bisexual.

So, what should I do? I just turned 34, so am I too old to pursue this course, go from porn to real people. I mean all the gay people I have heard have said they knew they were gay from when they were young. This is obviously not the case with me. There are christian ministries which claim to cure such feelings, but they seem fradulent, and one must wonder is there really anything needs curing?

Semper Fi, And military?

Forgive the shameless flirting, that happens sometimes..

But as for advice? I'm 30 and do not consider myself so far gone from it all that I dont' have another 50 years ahead of me to live and enjoy the best life has to offer... so no, you can never be too old to pursue whatever it is that is gonna make you feel happy and satisfied...

It doesn't matter what any one else says, gay or straight or in between, your reality is yours, not theirs.

As far as having a need to "cure" having same sex attractions? Ask yourself one thing... suppose you did have sex with another guy... who would that hurt... is that hurt something that would physically hurt? or just change the way people perceive...
like your family.. they perceive you to be straight, if you had sex with a man, would they die. It seems like a silly thing to say... I may not be making sense.. I'll go away now.

 

[hotb0d]

oh trust me. 34 is not too old. You're never too old to be gay. You're in a gay forum so I'm sure your question will be answered with: nope. there's no cure for homosexuality.

At least you've realized that you have physical attractions to guys...so time to experiment?

 

[Achilleus]

Thank you all for the comments so far.

Swerve,
You make it all sound so easy, it seems not to be to me.

Indudela,
How does one find the right guy? Online? Gay Club?

Fetaby,
Loved your reply. Not Italian myself, but I did live there for a couple of years. Wonderful country, wonderful people, best cuisine in the world.

Honestly, I would love to hear your psychoanalysis, at this point I would say bi is right, I haven't by any means lost interest in the opposite sex, just gained an interest in guys, but why now and from where.

And military? I am a former Marine Infantryman. Ooh-Rah!

I certainly wouldn't be hurt by having sex with a guy. As to family hurt, I would say some may just kill over, it would be a shock to be sure. My main issue is that to proceed down this path would be such a change over anything I have ever known prior.

 

[fetaby]

Alrighty you asked for it... gimme a few minutes to type it all up... and in the mean time, go check out the amateur self pics forum... lots to see there..

 

[Achilleus]

Hotb0d,
I suspected that would be the answer. I threw the cure bit in more as joke than anything, but I know many people who would recommend that route.

Oh, I realize the attraction part, I mean I sit here at the computer jerking off to gay porn wishing some guy would drop his load in my mouth. So no question about that. I just wonder where it all came from. I wish it had come earlier, to tell you the truth. I just have no idea how to relate to a gay guy. A women, a straight guy, yes. I have only ever personally know 2 gay people, my friend from high school and a lesbian.

 

[Achilleus]

Fetaby,
I eagerly await the response, as to self pics, yes my first post was to tell egypto he was gorgeous, and he is.

 

[fetaby]

Thank you all for the comments so far.

Swerve,
You make it all sound so easy, it seems not to be to me.

Indudela,
How does one find the right guy? Online? Gay Club?

Fetaby,
Loved your reply. Not Italian myself, but I did live there for a couple of years. Wonderful country, wonderful people, best cuisine in the world.

Honestly, I would love to hear your psychoanalysis, But I would hate to make assumptions about you... It could be said that you are attracted to androgynous men is a way for you justify the attractions in terms of gender roles... since they could pass for a girl, then it's ok... the one thing I wish for you to not do, is beat yourself up mentally for developing these attractions..at this point I would say bi is right, I haven't by any means lost interest in the opposite sex, just gained an interest in guys, but why now and from where.Personally, I call myself gay, I know that the person I form a long term relationship with is gonna be a man... the sexual attraction is key in that and that becomes the determining factor... I have extremely close relationships with women.. I am out of the closet to them, and for the most part they respect the fact that I am gay and are able to be close with me... I have had one try to make the moves for me, I turned her down, I have another who respects my sexuality and doesnt' bother, but she does confide in me, and tells me the deepest darkest secrets her mind has ever thought... she shares with me things that are conventionally reserved for a spouse... we have no illusions that we are the best of friends and nothing more... given all this, I still identify as gay, for this reason, while mother nature has done a bang up job of evolving our bodies, it is a fact that if my dick is rubbed and stimulated it will get hard, theoretically I could have intercourse with a lady.. I choose not to... my dick gets hard at the mere thought of sex with another man... so technically I am bi, but in my heart and head, I'm gay. If this isn't the same for you, then you are legitimately bi... and if you stick around here long enough, you will encounter an attitude that bisexuality doesnt' exist and that any man who says it does is in complete denial and will eventually realize this and become a heman woman hater...

And military? I am a former Marine Infantryman. Ooh-Rah! Tasty...

I certainly wouldn't be hurt by having sex with a guy. As to family hurt, I would say some may just kill over, it would be a shock to be sure. My main issue is that to proceed down this path would be such a change over anything I have ever known prior.

A life lived in fear...

 

[fetaby]

Fetaby,
I eagerly await the response, as to self pics, yes my first post was to tell egypto he was gorgeous, and he is.

Not patient enough, that's okay, caffeine does that to me too.And Egypto... wow is an understatement...

 

[Georgiadude]

Hotb0d,
I suspected that would be the answer. I threw the cure bit in more as joke than anything, but I know many people who would recommend that route.

Oh, I realize the attraction part, I mean I sit here at the computer jerking off to gay porn wishing some guy would drop his load in my mouth. So no question about that. I just wonder where it all came from. I wish it had come earlier, to tell you the truth. I just have no idea how to relate to a gay guy. A women, a straight guy, yes. I have only ever personally know 2 gay people, my friend from high school and a lesbian.

Welcome to the team. glad to have you. lol just kidding.

It took me a long time to figure things out. I didn't come out until I was 40. By that time I had been married and had 2 children. Everyone is different. Sometimes our minds don't allow us to see things clearly. We are influenced by our upbringing, society, religion etc. Things can consciously or subconsciously be suppressed for a very long time and slowly work their way to the surface. why now? who knows? I wouldn't rush off and start experimenting just yet. Unless you think your ready for it. Give yourself some time and sort this out a bit. You will know when the time is right.

I'd bet a lot of money you have known more than 2 people that are gay. They just weren't open about who they are. There are more people hiding or are confused than we will ever know. Kinda sad when you think about it.

 

[Achilleus]

Fetaby,
Thankyou so much for your time. I am not known to be patient, just not a virtue I have.

I dig what you are saying from your perspective. It is an interesting idea that the move from women to twinks is less a jump. I would say that gender roles is a big part of it. I am a pretty masculine guy, I like feminine. Amongst straight guys there is a constant jockeying for position, who will be alpha, this is simply biology. A twink would be no threat to masculinity, that and they are just so fucking cute. See, this is what I am saying, I have a hard time envisioning gay relationships. Do gay guys battle for top dog? Remember, I come from a very traditional back ground maybe that causes some problems.

 

[Achilleus]

Georgiadude,
When did you find out you were gay? Did you know it before you were married? How did you make the transition? I hope you don't mind me prying.

I am sure you are right about having known more, I just didn't "know" they were gay. I never got a chance to talk much to my friend who came out after school, I went away to the military, and only found out a few years later. I only talked to him once after that, then lost track. I wish I could talk to him now.

 

[gingentleman]

You seem to be having difficulty coming to terms with your feelings. I WOULD SUGGEST YOU SEEK OUT SOME PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. While it is all fine and good to talk online and chat via forum, it is completely non-personal. I think you need some face-to-face with someone who can help you wrap your head around the entirety of your situation. If you live in or near a major city, this should pose no problem...just make sure you select a counselor that is gay-friendly.

There are any number of ways to meet guys to date...take a class, join a club or group, hang out in the gay-popular section of your city, go to a gay nightclub or bar or lounge, place a personal ad, etc., etc., etc. Good luck...

 

[fetaby]

Fetaby,
Thankyou so much for your time. I am not known to be patient, just not a virtue I have.

I dig what you are saying from your perspective. It is an interesting idea that the move from women to twinks is less a jump. I would say that gender roles is a big part of it. I am a pretty masculine guy, I like feminine. Amongst [STRIKE]straight [/STRIKE]guys there is a constant jockeying for position, who will be alpha, this is simply biology. A twink would be no threat to masculinity, that and they are just so fucking cute. See, this is what I am saying, I have a hard time envisioning gay relationships. Do gay guys battle for top dog? Remember, I come from a very traditional back ground maybe that causes some problems.

Hmmm. My gay relationship is like having a best friend, we do everything together, we go out, have fun, conversate, joke and play, drink beer, and fuck each other...

While certain personalities do compete, I prefer to let my man dominate in some areas, while I dominate in others... The thing with the jockeying for position is that it puts you in a race... but no one is competing to live your life... often times that race leads people into doing things that betray their true nature in an effort to impress no?

It's possible that you are not ready for a full on man on man let's get married situation... that's cool. Sow your gay oats.. we all have, and we all will continue to do so... just make sure you do so with respect, to your self and your partner... when you are ready to make that step, between JUB and your porn you'll do just fine...

The thing is, being gay is not accepted and often times not even tolerated, though that is changing... you know your family and the influences you were born and bred better than any of us could ever hope to understand, so above all else, do with yourself what you KNOW to be best... and make damn sure that you can live with your choices....

I suggest approaching the possibility of being bi/gay and everything else for that matter with an open and empty mind... follow your heart, and listen to your gut...

yeah

 

[Achilleus]

Fetaby and others,

I certainly thank you for taking the time to make these responses.

A couple of things, maybe I have given somewhat the wrong impression on certain things. I honestly, have no fear, and am not repulsed by, the thought of having sex with a guy. This was my background, but I no longer view things that way. The fear comes in going beyond that point.

Fetaby, as you say I am not ready for a committed gay relationship. That is the fear, were I to pursue these desires, and meet someone, and it went beyond a one night stand. Then what.

It would be devastating for my family, not for me. By no means would I be cut off, but they would think I was possessed. Especially my 80 year old grandmother. I can't even imagine, her thoughts if I showed up with a guy for christmas. If I fear anything it is hurting people close to me.

If I had a fling none would need be the wiser, however, a relationship, it would not be fair to keep him in the closet.

Right now I just want to talk to people that have the same interest shall we say. I am here to learn. Joining this forum was the first step, a couple of months ago I wouldn't have been ready to open to you all as I have. As it is now I am not in any great distress that I can't pursue these desires, I am not going to hurl myself off a building. At some point I may be ready to follow this course. Rome wasn't built in a day.

Grazie tutti, and Semper Fi,
Achilleus

 

[Georgiadude]

I don't mind answering your questions. Hope I can help.

I got married thinking I was bi. In the beginning things were great. Sex all the time. Had never had sex with a man and didn't intend to. As the years went on we grew apart and my desire to be with a man got stronger. Soon it was obvious something wasn't right. By that I mean being married to a women didn't feel right. There was something missing. I was probably around 38-39 when I first admitted it to myself. We had a lot of other problems going on but obviously me being gay made being married impossible. For both of us really. My ex knows and my family knows. I haven't told my children yet. They are 7 and 9. We have had talks about gay people and they understand that everyone is to be treated with respect. They are still processing the divorce and getting used to my ex and I not being together. I have no problem or fear telling them. I just dont want to add another thing for them to deal with right now. I will tell them when I think they are ready.

Making the transition was pretty easy actually. It just fits. It feels right. I've made several great friends (thanks to JUB). They have helped me realize that being gay isn't a choice and that I can be happy. I didn't want to be gay. My life would have been so much easier being straight. However I wasn't happy and couldn't imagine living the rest of my life suppressing who I really was. I never cheated on my wife. With a women or a man. I had the desire but didn't do it. Once we were separated and I was able to be who I really am. It was very liberating. I was and am very happy. finally. It hasn't taken away my problems and my immediate family is still having some issues with the truth but I'm not hiding any more. It was hard telling them but at the same time I was finally out and that felt amazing.

I will say this. Coming out is a process. For some people realizing you are gay is a no brainer. For others it's a struggle. Once you are able to truly accept who you are the process of coming out can begin. I'm not saying your gay. Only you know that for sure. I'm saying let yourself have the feelings that you have. Don't suppress them or try to cover them up. If your bi, your bi. If your gay, your gay. Once you figure that out. The rest will fall into place.

You understood exactly what I was saying about knowing other gay people. There are many people living in fear, denial or truly cant figure out what is going on and live the "straight" life. some people are content with the life they have built for themselves. Thats fine. Who am I to say anything. I couldn't live that way. It just wasn't right for me.

Steven.

 

[Achilleus]

Steven,

Maybe this will sound kind of cheesy, but when I came on here and made this thread, I didn't know what kind of responses I would get. It really was no easy thing to be open, so I very much appreciate your reciprocity. I hope you continue to find happiness in your life.

I think it was Aristotle that said something on the lines of true friendship being greater than romantic love. I think at the end of the day that is what we all seek. Someone with whom we can be truly happy, a true friend.

I know that things are changing in this society, granted not as fast as many want. There are defeats like prop. 8. But it is nonetheless amazing just how much things have changed. Perhaps, in the not so distant future these decisions will not be as difficult as they are now or so seem to be.

Steven, Fetaby, and others, believe it or not I have learned a lot just in this discussion. I hope to continue learning from you all.

 

[fetaby]

Fetaby and others,

I certainly thank you for taking the time to make these responses.And thank you for reading them...

A couple of things, maybe I have given somewhat the wrong impression on certain things. I honestly, have no fear, and am not repulsed by, the thought of having sex with a guy.Good, that make sucking cock so much easier... This was my background, but I no longer view things that way. The fear comes in going beyond that point.And that same fear can be applied towards anything in the future that is unknown... take calculated risks at your own discretion... Just stay on top of it mentally, if it becomes a conflict for you for whatever reason, slow down and figure out what it is you truly want to proceed with doing... and know this, no one is going to have the right answer for you except your self...

Fetaby, as you say I am not ready for a committed gay relationship. That is the fear, were I to pursue these desires, and meet someone, and it went beyond a one night stand. Then what.hmmm. just bullshittin' but it seems like you have given the idea some thought. why ponder an improbable future? or is it fear of being viewed as "less than."

It would be devastating for my family, not for me. By no means would I be cut off, but they would think I was possessed. Especially my 80 year old grandmother. I can't even imagine, her thoughts if I showed up with a guy for christmas. If I fear anything it is hurting people close to me. Yeah, it is unfortunate that society tells us that being homosexual is a sin, and that heterosexual is the "normal" course of things.. at one point in your life, you may become tired of living for others... holding yourself up and away from your true desires out of fear of not being loved... it's not so much their judgement you fear but the possibility they will stop loving you. That's how I felt, and still do to a point... if it's not the same for you, please correct me.

If I had a fling none would need be the wiser, however, a relationship, it would not be fair to keep him in the closet. well, depends on the guy, some guys are gonna be deeper in the closet than you...

Right now I just want to talk to people that have the same interest shall we say. gotcha I am here to learn. Joining this forum was the first step, a couple of months ago I wouldn't have been ready to open to you all as I have. As it is now I am not in any great distress that I can't pursue these desires, I am not going to hurl myself off a building. At some point I may be ready to follow this course. Rome wasn't built in a day.

Grazie tutti, and Semper Fi,
Achilleus

And that is the right attitude to have... the worse thing you could do is stress yourself out and get all weirded out about the whole damn thing... and when you are ready to take another step... do so, just come back and tell us all the dirty details, yeah?

 

[hotb0d]

I love how open minded you are. It will be so much easier for you to learn and understand the other side of "normal". And you know where to go and who to ask when you have questions. I'll take the liberty to add that most of us Jubbers are here for you, we are a supportive community after all. Good luck in finding yourself, experimenting and whatnot. I'm sure you will have fun. Better watch out, you might be too cute and some guys will swallow you up haha too early for gay joke?