How am I supposed to respond to that?

[Kennylingus]

So my friend and her friend just left and while they were here her friend was making the conversation really akward. He's a nice enough guy I guess, I don't really know him that well, but the guy is really ugly. He's about a hundred pounds overweight, a huge nose and his face is kind of uneven. Like one of his eyes is way higher up than it should be.
I know I sound like a huge asshole, whatever. While we were talking he said something about how sexy he was and I thought he was joking and being funny, but later on in the conversation he said something to same effect again so I guess he wasn't joking and thinks he's hot...good for him and all that. But then he kept going on and on about it, and started like talking shit about some of the other people we know in common.
My friend was letting it slide and I wasn't about to make things weird between me and her over him so I just acted like I wasn't hearing him whenever he said shit. Anyways when they were about to leave he says to me "We should go out sometime, or we can just stay in." with a wink from his way too high eye. I had no idea what to say to this kid so I was like call me to Rachel and I hope to God he didn't think I was talking to him.
I know it's completely superficial of me, but there's no way I'm going to go out with someone that ugly. Like if he was a really really nice guy maybe, but the guy's an asshole on top of being delusional about himself.

How the hell am I supposed to respond to him like that, Rachel didn't seem at all surprised by what he was saying so I'm guessing it's normal. I can handle him calling himself sexy and hot all he wants, but if he's going to be dumping on other people and especially if he's going to be trying to hook up with me I'm going to have to call him out. I hate akward situations.

 

[fetaby]

OH no, no, no. One should never apologize for being themselves. If you found him distasteful for what ever reason, have the testicular fortitude to make your standing clear. Ambiguity on this may lead to false hopes on his part. You gave him a chance by inviting him into your home and entertaining his conversation, that's more than generous.

 

[Kennylingus]

It's just so weird. I don't know how he could get that big of an ego. I didn't know if it was false bravado or not, but then he started talking shit and one of the things he said was how ridiculous my other friend looks in tight clothing because of her weight. I don't get it.

I know I'm going to have to be upfront about it, but how do you be upfront about that without being a total dickhead. I'm going to be honest so I'm going to have to tell him he's really unattractive. There's no way to fluff that.

 

[Kennylingus]

just let it go man. their is this ugly girl at work just like that. everyone hates her (because she is a bitch) and she isnt the prettiest looking. anyway she has talked about how she is good looking and gets hits on 5 times everytime she goes out, blah blah blah. i guess when you are ugly you really need to tell yourself you are hot shit.

I don't really have too much of a problem with that, he can stroke his self esteme all he wants, but if he starts trying stroke me we're gonna have problems.

 

[Kennylingus]

Sounds to me like you have more of an issue with him being confident since (in your eyes) he's unattractive. Believe it or not, it's possible to be confident, even if you look like a mole. Confidence is really hard to have for most people, he probably gets laid more than his buds due to how cocky he is.

To be honest you sound pretty unattractive by your first post, since you seem to focus so much on how unappealing his appearance is instead of how much of a boner killer his obnoxious arrogance is.

But to answer your question, I woulda just laughed it off and hoped to myself he wouldn't come back (ever).

No, I don't have an issue with that. I'm a little confused by it, but as long as he's not hitting on me it's all good. Problem is he did hit on me.

And I wasn't focused on that, like I said I don't care how he looks...I'd already made up my mind that I wasn't going to be sleeping with him so after that his looks don't matter to me anymore.

 

[Kennylingus]

I don't think he spent an undue amount of time talking about the guy's appearance.

I think you should've handled it by saying something to the effect of, "No thanks, I'd rather be with one of those 'ugly' people like (name of one of the people he was bashing)." That'd throw him off.

Yeah...all the people he talked about were women, but if he says something about a guy friend that's a good idea.

 

[Kennylingus]

I don't know...I wouldn't think so, Rachel is fucking gorg. and they're good friends.

 

[thisisinteresting]

There's this long lost phrase called "no thanks" that tends to work pretty well in situations like this.

 

[TickTockMan]

I'm going to be honest so I'm going to have to tell him he's really unattractive.

Just say no thak you. And if you do say the above, leave out the "really". It seems kind of mean.

 

[Kennylingus]

I've had to try the "no thanks" and "not interested" before though and twice it's just made them try harder. This one guy even tried to be super brave about it and sang "Can't take my eyes off of you" to me at Kareoke night at the gay bar.

So akward.

 

[TickTockMan]

I've had to try the "no thanks" and "not interested" before though and twice it's just made them try harder. This one guy even tried to be super brave about it and sang "Can't take my eyes off of you" to me at Kareoke night at the gay bar.

So akward.

If they can't take a flat out "no", then being mean may be called for.

 

[thisisinteresting]

I've had to try the "no thanks" and "not interested" before though and twice it's just made them try harder.

Wow, two whole times? Better give up now.

 

[Kennylingus]

Wow, sarcasm on the internet? Awesome!

 

[fetaby]

Wow, two whole times? Better give up now.

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTFZyl7hfBw[/ame]

 

[thisisinteresting]

Wow, sarcasm on the internet? Awesome!

Touche! You make a topic asking "how am I supposed to respond to that?" - "omg gross an ugly guy, AN UGLY GUY (GET THIS, HE WAS CONFIDENT! EVEN THOUGH HE WAS UGLY WTF) hit on me! gross what do I do?"

I offer a logical answer, tell him you're not interested rather than ignoring it and maybe confusing him by saying call me to someone near him.

You have had people not respond to that response, so you just don't respond? I know some people can be difficult but I just don't understand why you made this topic. I'm sorry that ugly people hit on you. I have ugly and attractive people hit on me and I don't know what to do in either situation. I do know what you mean about people not taking the hint, most people DO just see that as a reason to try harder...

So, in short, there's nothing you can respond with. Homos are gonna hit on you whether you like it or not.

 

[freefall]

Say no fiery. Then get out of his front porch.

 

[Kennylingus]

I know some people can be difficult but I just don't understand why you made this topic. QUOTE]

I was more venting than anything than else. Also maybe trying to think of an exact way to completely reject this guy without causing weirdness between my friend and I.

Also I wanted to see if anyone else has had some similar issues and how they've dealt with it.

Did that clear it up for you, or do you want to be a dickhead some more?

 

[Swellegant]

Ugly is as ugly does... and it sounds like this guy does ugly. Talking smack about other people while building yourself up is the hallmark of an unconscionable bastard. That kind of behavior has nothing to do with confidence, it is bravado taking the place of confidence as a defense against the world.

I have never in my life heard someone talk about their own looks who actually believed they were good-looking... that's why they talk about it. They're trying to convince themselves by convincing you. And sometimes these people are good-looking, but by crowing about it they make themselves unattractive. It's all so self-defeating.

And you know, an ugly person... and ugly is ugly, that's not a matter of taste, just of aesthetic reality... who does not have something else about them to make you want to talk to them is kind of unsettling.

Like my friend's boyfriend's wife and fag-hag. She was physically repellent in a way that was quite striking. Like you look at her, and no matter how not into appearances you are, her face struck you as "Wow, that's an ugly face." She made one think of ogres and cow-pats.

If she had a shred or jot of a pleasant personality, one would get past that first impression. But she was ugly all the way through... she put down other people and built herself up all the time. She wasn't so delusional as to think she was attractive, but she did gas on a lot about how wealthy her family is and how many famous people she knows personally; and as soon as she ran out of breath on those topics, she'd start ripping up other people, their clothes and their hair and their pretensions to glamour. It was really unpleasant.

Of course, her husband (my friend's boyfriend) was just as bad, but he had an actual if second-rate talent (he sings opera) and was cute as hell... so it took a while to notice what a jackass he was.

Anyway, Kennylingus, in your situation (and I've been in your situation, though not frequently), I just go all vague on them. Never call them out on their bullshit, just put them off with vague excuses, carefully cultivated inattention, and a display of forgetfulness until they lose interest and go away. Passive aggression is one of my greatest skills.

 

[CudDULL]

Tell his ugly lop sided face that he has no fucking chance with you even if he lost the 100lbs and got a nose job. It works like a charm and they wont think about it afterward unless they like being verbally abused.

 

[Kennylingus]

Update:

He ended up going out to this gay bar with me and a couple other of our friends. After like two hours and A LOT of drinks for him later he followed me into the bathroom when I go to take a piss and he says something that I can't understand at all and tries to grab my dick causing me to piss all over the floor as well as the leg of my pants. I shoved him away from me and of course he falls really hard and starts screaming at the top of his fucking lungs. Like a dozen people come in right away and see his sloppy ass trying to stand up slurring something and me with piss all over the leg of my pants.
The next day he laughs about it and says "my bad" like that makes it all ok. I had a total bitch fit on him and was really mean and didn't feel a bit bad about it.