How can I break up with him?

[northstar135]

hi guys,

It's my first post on here, been reading for a while though and you guys are good at helping out, so here goes...

There's a guy i've been seeing for a while, since around the beginning of the year. It's been a long distance relationship, which has been hard but survivable. Initially it was him that wasn't too sure about the relationship thing (especially cause of the distance) but we let things just go to see what happened, and of course things developed.

I would never have called anything we did part of a serious relationship (i guess) just cause we never got to see each other. I've been having some considerations about the future of the relationship recently, and just don't think it's going to work, i think we're both just too different about where we are in life, and where we want to go. Plus the distance is a real killer, I really want somebody that I can come home to and who is around to talk about my day and life generally (phone and email doesn't really have the same effect!!)

My only problem is, he's such a nice person (its my first sorta "real" relationship with a guy) and he is really sensitive and i hate the fact that i'm going to hurt him, because he hasn't done anything wrong, but i just don't feel anything there anymore aside from anything other than as a friend.

Sorry, this is probably one of those desperate plea kind of threads, but if anyone has any advice they could offer I'd really appreciate it!

 

[kurtwild]

i dont know man.
i understand that you want to be with your boyfriend in the same place,but is he gonna be far away for ever or for a short period?
and you said you are not in love with him any more? or is it mostly the fact that he is not there,the problem?

 

[northstar135]

Pretty much forever, and its the other side of the country, so not even driving distance away.

I don't think I am in love with him, or have ever really been to be brutally honest, I think it was more a lust or infatuation thing. I just can't see us together, cause we're so different and with different priorities, but I can't face hurting him like that either...

 

[kurtwild]

i nderstand you.its really hard to tell someone you like that you want to be jusy friends.
maybe you should start telling him how lonely you feel and that you need a guy next to you.and then see what he tells you.if he doesnt understand you should mention it all the time.

 

[playboy2001]

You should just be honest with him. If you can express your feelings, and the facts, to a bunch of strangers on a message board, than you should be able to tell him. However, one thing I've learned about sensitive people, is that they can be really selfish and insensitive to other people's feelings, so be careful if/when you have this talk with the dude. But then again, you never know, he might feel the same way, and you could have a more amicable split than expected.

PS, Kudos for at least trying to make the long distance thing work for as long as you had.

 

[confusedboy23]

PLEASE, PLEASE be honest with him!!!

It will hurt him more the longer you keep these thoughts of yours from him. Tell him everything you feel, and everything you have in mind. Give him a closure, for I've been through hell and back in search for closure!!!

 

[gotdimples77]

if he is as good a guy as you say he wont have any trouble finding someone else closer to home. You might encourage him to go out and meet other people. A long distance relationship really can't work (well ok..for me at least it has never worked).

 

[thermodynamics]

I'd say that you have to tell him. You're being honest, and that's all you can ever do.

 

[gaddou]

Are you talking about me. if so i would have appreciate knowing it first. Ha Ha Ha.

 

[RicanDAB]

If you and your long-distance partner don't ever have plans of physically starting a life together in the same place, I don't see what is the point of having such a relationship. Long distance relationships without regular physical meetings or a plan for the future are just erotic pen pal friendships.

I speak from experience - I had a couple of long-distance relationships in the past and through them I learned that if the distance is not temporary, then I am wasting my time when there is someone else near me I can hold, kiss and have close to me whenever I want and begin a life with.

But that opinion aside, if you're no longer feeling it - at least be honest about it and move on.