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how did you deal with being in the closet?

U

umimherekinda

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i came out completely when i was 16. i can't imagine a life in the closet anymore. i completely convinced myself that i would never tell anybody, that i would just live my life playing video games and no one would ever know. i would pretend to find girls attractive, but i wouldn't act outwardly straight. i think i was just too lazy to try too hard. i would just do heavy avoiding of all things gay. i wouldn't talk about it, i'd distance myself from movies and conversation and events about gay people.

i was wondering what other people acted like when they were in the closet. just to see if there are similarities and differences :)
 
Actually, I was the same way, though I wasn't so cognisant of some of my interests and actions that made me seem gay, like my infatuation with Sailormoon at the time, etc. etc.

But when I realized it, I decided to never talk about it and to wait until everyone in my family was dead before I ever came out. Early on, I prayed several times, but nothing ever came of it. I still supported LGBT's, but I didn't want to be one.

But when I was 17, I ended up coming out to some close friends and eventually, got myself into a situation where I had to come out to most of my family, and though it was a horrible experience coming out to my family (and still is a hard time arguing with my parents every so often), it got me to where I am now: a proud and happy gay man. I'm fine with my sexuality, I'm not afraid to support others, and I'm all about social justice. I think coming out and taking on those challenges made me into a stronger, more confidant person.
 
I always believed that my personal life was just that personal, so it was no one's business,I mean straight people don't go around announcing their straightness, well some macho guys do, but they are morons and don't count. 8^)
Inever liked acting gay, whatever that actually means cos 1) you get a lot of shit from other kids in school, and 2) the kind of guy I am attracted to doesn't like queens, so I didn;t want to be self excluded from the type of men I find attractive, just to fullfill a stereotype. I was never into muscials or divas or primping myself up, but I do like good coffee, and i though never a Judy Garland fan the Wizard of Oz was my favorite movie growing up. If people suspected, they suspected, but I wasn't interested in sharing my personal life with strangers. Because of my job I keep a low profile, only close friends know for sure, and thats cool with me, cos it really is no one's business, so I have no desire to wave a rainbow flag over my head every day. Some people need to do that, and thats cool, everything choice has a price in the weorld we live in. I found a cool MCC church, where i can worship, and I am quite happy with my choices!
 
There are varying degrees of expressions of your sexuality.

In the closet to me implies lying about the truth and hiding it. Being out means being who you truly are and no longer decieving yourself or anyone else.

You don't have to carry a flag or a purse or anything else you don't want to. Of course if you do, I truly believe that you have every right to do that and I would support your right to do that, fully.

As for "acting gay". I personally detest that term. It reinforces a hateful, totally untrue stereotype. I know a lot of gay men and they are every bit as diverse as the straight people I know.

Personally, I could never handle being in the closet that well. It was too dishonest to me and everyone around me.

By the way, it never cost me a friend or anyone else coming out. If someone was my friend before that and were not after, truly they were never a friend. But, honestly, I can't say that anyone changed at all.
 
Right, there's no such thing as 'acting gay' unless you intentionally try to act out stereotypes. I also find the idea of 'acting gay' offensive.
 
I was sort of the same too. I avoided conversation, though would risk sticking up for the gay guy every now and then. I would sometimes make points that they are humans too, then quickly change the subject.
I would convince myself I found girls attractive. I thought if I found a girl I would become straight. Though I never even tried to find one.
I told myself I would grow out of it when deep down I knew I wouldn't.
When I came out, also at 16 it was the biggest relief ever. My friends finally knew the real me. I felt free. My mum didn't take it too well and threw me out. Still I'd rather that than live a lie. It enabled me to see my real mother, and who wants one that simply comments "What will the neighbours think? You have one hour to pack your things and move in with your dad"
My dad on the other hand is fantastic, as is the rest of my family. Some still don't know but I live in a family that confesses that they let things be and are family no matter what happens.
My dad loves my boyfriend and I think he sees him as an adopted son. My aunties love him. My brother got on well with him. My friends think he's the bees knees.
Not a turnout I expected back in the closet days, but one I gratefully welcome.
 
pretty much the same, played computer games alot, got quite depressed over it all, put loads of weight on and shit.
decided to get my life together before moving to uni and now ive started to come out to people, im no where near out of the closet yet but a few people know. gotta do it for myself im ready to actually meet someone and all that, sick of being alone all the time! and hell im 21! so my lifes flying over, i really wish i had come to terms with it at 16 or 17 like you guys think i would have felt alot better about myself!
 
skaterboi said:
pretty much the same, played computer games alot, got quite depressed over it all, put loads of weight on and shit.
decided to get my life together before moving to uni and now ive started to come out to people, im no where near out of the closet yet but a few people know. gotta do it for myself im ready to actually meet someone and all that, sick of being alone all the time! and hell im 21! so my lifes flying over, i really wish i had come to terms with it at 16 or 17 like you guys think i would have felt alot better about myself!
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Hey! There is no timetable and no map to any of it. Just do what is best for you and try to be as truthful as you can about your motives. If it is all just fear, remember all the times in your life that the fear was worse than the reality. I'm glad you let a few people know. You will know when all of it is right for you. Best of luck to you. Tim
 
Blah. Being closeted sucks. I came out at college but haven't at home or even with my friends back home. This sounds horrible, but I just dated a lot of girls. When I wasn't dating someone, people would ask me why I wasn't. So I just kept doing it. Normally, it would work like this. A girl would express interest in me. I would accept/pursue that. We would have one or two bad dates. The relationship would die, by either my or her choice. I could then use recent bad dating history as the reason why I wasn't dating anyone at the moment.
I would like to note that this is an AWFUL strategy. Because if it, I now have to worry about how many people I'm going to mess up by coming out. All of those girls I dated will probably be kind of confused. My close group of friends consider me to be a macdaddy of sorts (thus the nickname McDaddy. My friends worked at McDonalds and they decided I'm a MacDaddy to-go). This has made it even harder to come out and is, frankly, why I haven't done it yet. It's tough when you frequently go with your friends to go "scope for chicks."
God, being closeted sucks. I just began and ended my first gay relationship and can only share it with friends from college and random strangers from a forum. Ugh.
 
I officially came out last January ... at age 37 ... and I don't regret not coming out earlier.

In hindsight, being in the closet was not living, but at the same time I knew I could not come out until I was ready. For me, it was almost like being in jail: you want to enjoy the freedom but a higher power determines when you are ready to enjoy it. In the meantime, you have to keep busy inside your own little world until that day comes.

The older you get, the harder it is to remain closeted. The subject of marriage and settling down comes up constantly and the only way to shut them up for good on this issue and keep your sanity intact is to finally be honest with yourself and everyone.
 
I isolated myself, took sleeping pills and abused alcohol.

This was until 2004 when I accidentally outed myself.
 
umimherekinda said:
i completely convinced myself that i would never tell anybody, that i would just live my life playing video games and no one would ever know
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i love your plan, it seemed totally foil proof.. honestly that is exactly what i was planning to do, till things changed
 
I came out at 16 to everyone, including my parents.

Never came OUT at uni this year. Didn't see the point as i was living with people i didn't really like.

I probably will be honest and open next year though...i will be living with new people :D
 
RMphan said:
i love your plan, it seemed totally foil proof.. honestly that is exactly what i was planning to do, till things changed
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Pretty much what I was doing for a while. I'm hoping this will change soon but I don't feel as if I need to make some big announcement. If someone asks, then I will let them know.
 


May I offer an alternate view on "being in the closet" and "coming out"?

First, let me explain that my course of action or inaction was dictated by the restraints that were always far less tolerant of any overt suggestion of one's sexual orientation other than the prevailing expectation of some kind of regular (heterosexual) bonding as one moved into the mid-twenties age range.

Those of us who deviated from the norm knew that we were in for trouble if word of that ever got out. We were thus closeted of necessity. Having a roommate at college who was also one's lover provided a convenient cover. And it was also considered to be perfectly alright for two men (teachers in my case) to live together. To have "come out" would have been a sure way to lose one's job.

We came to accept that both homosexual and heterosexual relationships outside of marriage had better be carried out under the radar of the "morality snoops" on campus and off campus. We accepted that sex is personal and private. We had no choice but to keep the world guessing. A wedding would signal to the world that we were into "regular" (heterosexual) bonding.

I approve of the more tolerant attitudes we have today. Yet, I still view my sexual activity as strictly personal and private. No need to feel closeted, no need to "come out." What outsiders may judge concerning my sexual orientation is their busines; they are free to make their own informed or uninformed guesses.

IN THE LAND OF THE FREE, IF YOU DON'T TELL, I FIND THAT THEY WON'T ASK.
 
I try to keep my friends to a minimum and only keep quality friends. I also don't talk much (I'm just a shy person), so people don't really know how to take me and don't really ask me things. So being in the "closet" hasn't really been too bad. I'm not a sociable person.
 
sometimes i don't remember that...it's not like im always regreting or being sad for that...

in college i try not to talk when they start the girlfriends/dates conversations and all the stuff...when they try to link me with some girl (that always happen) i say the true..."i dont like her", "that's false"...only one girl ask me, joking, but i didn't get it, and i gave an awful answer...

lately the link me with my best friend, because they always see us laughing and having a good time, and is funny because that happen because she knows im gay and where having a blast looking at the guys at college (my college is paradise) and we talk very dirty :twisted:

in my house dont ask about girls...thank god...my closest aunt talk me, but i keep quiet..

sometimes it gets me, i feel bad or sad for being in the closet, but is not like im dying to come out...lol
 
^ haha playing video games for the rest of your life. I can relate. But then, the realization came that I would always be gravitating to the muscular body of Duke Nukem or the boy characters of Kingdom Hearts. *sigh*
 
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