How do I accept that I will never have children?

[sixthson]

Have you considered leaving Poland?

 

[Telstra]

Anyway,
i've heard a lot of bad things about poland/polish ... just don't have kids

 

[coltonhaynes]

Anyway,
i've heard a lot of bad things about poland/polish

Admittingly, natives do have plentiful bad to say about it, but that does not mean they like hearing it from foreigners. Imagine, if you did not like the shape of your nose. Even if a stranger insulted your nose, saying exactely what you think about it, you'd still take offense in it. People react that exact way when you insult their country.

... just don't have kids

Well, aren't you just helpful?

Have you considered leaving Poland?

It's not like I hate it here. And it would seem a bit rash to move countries at 25 just because I have a non-immediate wish for a family. But in case I'm desperate in 10 years time... Yes, I considered the option.

 

[Seasoned]

I think part of your pessimism has to do with your knowledge of the rest of the world at this point in history. Part of the optimism of my response and the response of others has to do with our situation at your age. I was 23 in 1969. Poor to the Stonewall riots and for at least 15 years afterwards gays and lesbians were routinely harassed by police departments in the United States. I was held in jail overnight twice on a trumped up charge only to be released by a judge the next morning. Yes, you face these conditions now as we did then, but as Poland interacts with Western Europe those influences will be felt. You've even had a transgendered member of Parliament, which is something our Congress hasn't seen.

Gays having and raising children when I was your age only happened when gay people were in opposite sex marriages. Except for those, of which I am one, the gay people of my generation had to come to terms with not being parents because the possibility wasn't even on the radar. Perhaps because of that many gays became anti-parent, referring to young straight couples as breeders.

We all face somethings we can't have, height, looks, quality of facial hair, etc. some of these can't be changed but we learn to accept, each in our own way.

Your problem might change and I predict it will change. Will it be fast enough for you? I don't know, but what are you willing to do to change things?

 

[anotheruser]

You seem rational and intelligent. If you're in your mid to early 20s, then you have quite possibly many decades ahead to wind up having a kid. Even a biological one. If you give up hope, doesn't that mean you're less likely to take steps that could lead to getting what you want? What are logical things you could do to increase the chances of having kids? You don't have to be certain that something will occur to still choose to work toward it.

Doubtlessly I don't know your particular circumstances, but I do know that a willingness to make sacrifices and to work hard can help you get what you want. So if there's anything you can do and any reasonable sacrifices you can make, be prepared for take them. I think it's more productive than mourning. You can mourn when you're much, much older. And if you feel that you must mourn now, well then mourn the fact that nothing is certain, and that it's surely always possible that you won't get what you want. But as long as you're keeping your chin up and striving, at least you're sticking it to fate.

 

[coltonhaynes]

If you're in your mid to early 20s

I'm 25. Had a birthday since opening this thread.

 

[PacificBeach]

I'm not saying I want kids now, or even soonish, but I've known since I was little, that, for various reasons, I wanted to be a dad eventually. But in these past days it has dawned on me that it's just not going to happen.
I know there is the solution of adoption, and surrogacy, some might say, but I've thought about these solutions, and realized they're not really any at all.
even if I find a man to have children with, surrogacy is illegal under any circumstances in my country. And I cannot afford to pay a surrogacy abroad, either. there are also far too few children to adopt, also, and an adoption abroad doesn't really work for gay couples.
It just makes me really sad, and I need some advice on how to accept that the one dream I knew for sure I had is never going to come true.

Start with a pair of dogs, or cats, and work your way up.