How do i say no to him?

[gotdimples77]

haha...do you REALLY want to? I find that makes the execution a little easier. You could try saying "NO!" in a really loud voice and swatting him with a newspaper but some guys really like that. i think when you are ready too say "no, I dont want to hang out with you anymore" or, "I am not happy with the direction of our relationship" that most people don't have a problem saying so. I think you should probably make a list of things you do like about your relationship with him and things you don't, and just tell him I dont want to do this stuff anymore, but I enjoy these things. However, if you are just scared of your appetites, you need to get those under control yourself and not blame it on someone else.

 

[conrad]

Could it be that you are operating from expectations that simply do not work out in real life.

Wouldn't it be wise to let things happen naturally. You meet a guy, you find him agreeable as a person and your become friends, Then you become more than just friensds.

YES, THAT HAPPENS IN LIFE AND TWO GUYS BONDED IN FRIENDSHIP AND LOVE OFTEN FEEL THE NEED TO EXPRESS THEIR AFFECTION IN SEX.

Friend, understnd that you then are "doing what comes naturally and, if you are wise you will talk about what has happened.

My experience was a feeling of gret elation at having sweet sexual communion up close and personal; the sex was fantastic because in a very real sense it confirmed the bond that already had come to exist between two young guys. And we both knew it would continue. It did continue until we both graduated from high school and left town.

Casual sex doesn't compare with the kind of sex that is prompted by the love and friendship in a relationship between two persons.

MY THOUGHT WOULD BE: "DON'T SETTLE FOR LESS; GO FOR THE BEST!

 

[slnattak]

lol. I don't think you're asking for advice so much as just expressing a story.

And lol @ I'm a gay guy from a big city. Very typical.

 

[Seasoned]

The bottom line, I think, is that you're afraid you're being used. Truth is you are using each other. Many people think it's actually the bottom who is in control. You might try telling him he can't feed you until he makes you hungry by making love to you.

Tell him you're a bit like a jack-in-the-box. If he wants a cum whore he has to wind you up. You might blindfold him and tell him your mouth is wide open and wet, but he has to find it without using his hands.

Take control once in a while. You guys are gay. No need to take it like a Victorian bride. Spice it up.

 

[Rand]

maybe i'm too passive-agressive because i consider myself a top but whenever i meet him, i just want to serve.

GB,

So it is a case of your perception of yourself clashing with your actions. I don't know how people live without labels. It is so easy to tell someone not to put a label on themselves or others, but we need labels. They help us provide the correct responses and navigate society to some degree.

It seems that the label "top" has more meaning than just the position for you. And that "serving" is some what demeaning? However you yourself have pointed out that he needs you to direct him, demand from him, control him, for him to really enjoy the sex - and you must be doing a great job of it!

I would suggest you really be honest with yourself and try to understand exactly what your reactions are. It seems that you have found a person that you trust enough to be yourself - or a person that you control enough to allow him to act as if he were the dominant partner.

You hint at being a control-freak; wanting to always be in control - it takes one to know one! - and it disturbs you to relinquish control.

take care,
Rand

 

[techie70]

Maybe you just need this to be more balanced then. If you're having trouble taking control in the bedroom try taking control outside the bedroom more. Make the plans, pick the restaurants etc. Maybe that will help push you in the right direction.

 

[Rand]

I don't think it is the thought clashing with the actions because whenever we meet, I am submissive and let him do what he wants with me. But with other guys in the past, i topped. I thrived on their submissiveness but with him, total opposite. That is why I asked the question in the first place.

GB,

Who would you rather be with - him or one of those that you dominated? Does he treat you well? After an evening with him how is your self-esteem? After an evening with one of those you dominated, how is your self-esteem?

I think that life should be continuous growth. We ought to continue to experience and expand our knowledge and understanding. A good relationship supports that growth and accommodates change. Are you learning about a new facet of yourself; are you learning a different aspect of love and trust?

Does this person treat you as an equal in all other areas of your relationship? Does he care for you? Did you treat those you dominated sexually as equals outside sex?

What do you want out of this relationship? What are you getting out of this relationship? I think you are strong enough that you would end this relationship if you were not getting something out of it. Are the benefits of the relationship outside of the sex and the sex is the payment you are making?

Sorry that I only have questions for you, but I think only you have the answers to your situation.

take care - do celebrate your life,

Rand