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How do you explain to your boyfriend your not in the mood for sex at that moment?

Studdly

Studdly

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A problem I'm faced with my boyfriend, while I love him and he is a very sexy younger guy, I'm finding while I enjoy the sex we have, that I am not always in the mood for it at any given moment. Maybe its my age now at 33 and him being 24, buy while i like sex and doing other things on a day to day, he's in the mood for sex, almost constantly.
And when I tell him i'm not in the mood at any given time, he gets sad, almost like he's rejected.

He's sensitive, and I love him for it, but it sometimes leads to some rainy situations of me not being in the mood every moment.

How do you deal with such a problem?
 
I understand the frustration, but getting mad over this is beyond stupid. You are not obligated to do anything sexually if you don´t want to, boyfriend or no boyfriend.
 
aaggii said:
I understand the frustration, but getting mad over this is beyond stupid. You are not obligated to do anything sexually if you don´t want to, boyfriend or no boyfriend.
Click to expand...

No one got mad over anything, we simply have a very young and sensitive boyfriend who feels like he is being refused.

In my opinion the best way to remedy that is that you initiate intercourse when you are in the right mood.
That will make him feel wanted and appreciated.
 
Disturbance said:
No one got mad over anything, we simply have a very young and sensitive boyfriend who feels like he is being refused.

In my opinion the best way to remedy that is that you initiate intercourse when you are in the right mood.
That will make him feel wanted and appreciated.
Click to expand...

Exactly, I'm not getting mad. He's my baby and I love him, and want to make him happy, but can't always because.. well, not always in the mood as actively as he is. Btw he is mostly the top between us.
 
^This. If this continues to be ongoing and if it keeps causing tension some therapy may be in order. Also, it may be a difference in sex drive or it could be a sex addiction issue. You may want to take a look at the SCA (Sexual Complusives Annonymous) website. Although it's not up to you to determine anyone else's addiction issues, it may give you some insight.

Hopefully, it's just a horniness issue, but sex addiction is real and treatable.
 
Sex is not everything in a relationship as much as some people say it is [we are on a gay porn site after all]. Instead of full blown intercourse, offer intimacy instead. If he can't handle "romance", then kick him to the curb.
 
Studdly said:
Exactly, I'm not getting mad. He's my baby and I love him, and want to make him happy, but can't always because.. well, not always in the mood as actively as he is. Btw he is mostly the top between us.
Click to expand...

It's difficult to answer this without knowing the context. Often the problem with younger guys is that they can't separate affection from getting off. So, what he may be looking for is affection and some attention, but the way that he's expressing it is by wanting to have sex.

If the situation is that you're busy or tired or the timing is bad, you just have to say, "Not now, maybe later".

In the bedroom, it's a little bit more difficult. Sometimes, working out an agreement about signalling "Yes, I'm in the mood" instead of being put in the position of having to say, "No, I'm not in the mood". And maybe the compromise might be a handjob or a blowjob or other ways of lending a helping hand instead of just saying "No" to everything.

The question you always have to ask yourself is, whether you're controlling the where/when all of the time or whether it's just a matter of accepting that sometimes one or the other of you may not be the mood when the other person is. Spontaneous, "I want to fuck you now" sex is hot but when you're living together, it's reasonable to expect that some sex isn't always spontaneous.

Also give some thought to what your partner is really looking for- there may be times when a massage or a shared bath or just getting into bed and cuddling might be the attention that he's looking for. It's up to him to be honest about whether he's looking for hotbuttsex versus just wanting you to pay some attention to him.
 
I misread ´sad´ as ´mad´ in the first post, mea cupla, guys! Just like everyone said here, he should understand you are not his age anymore, just like you understand he is young and his sex drive is as high as it will ever be.
 
I think Kara is right. He might want more from you affectionately than just sexual. Are you affectionate with him.

Does he know you are cool with him jerking off by himself?
 
Studdly said:
A problem I'm faced with my boyfriend, while I love him and he is a very sexy younger guy, I'm finding while I enjoy the sex we have, that I am not always in the mood for it at any given moment. Maybe its my age now at 33 and him being 24, buy while i like sex and doing other things on a day to day, he's in the mood for sex, almost constantly.
And when I tell him i'm not in the mood at any given time, he gets sad, almost like he's rejected.

He's sensitive, and I love him for it, but it sometimes leads to some rainy situations of me not being in the mood every moment.

How do you deal with such a problem?
Click to expand...

I'm assuming he can cum 5 times a day and you can only cum once a day or once a week.
Why not give him a quickie or a quick hand job blow job ?
 
I'm in the same situation as your boyfriend! I'm the one with the higher sex drive.

Do you two live together? My boyfriend and I don't, and I only see him once a week. Sometimes it's frustrating when he says no to me. I'm the bottom, so I come "prepared" to his house by cleaning myself out, "just in case" we have sex... and when we don't, sometimes I feel like I wasted my time cleaning myself before sex.

It's good to be clear about it. I appreciate it more when my boyfriend flat out tells me that he's not in the mood right now, instead of saying vague things like "oh my back is sore" or "I'm too full from dinner" or whatever.

What KaraBulut says is right, be clear about the kind of attention he's looking for. I absolutely love cuddling with my boyfriend and sometimes that's all I really need to do with him... and sometimes, that leads to sex! haha. Communication is key.
 
My fiancé and I are both 25, ans we barely hhave sex. It's also Ok for you to say no.
 
There is a difference between "sensitive" and "touchy." Sensitivity turns itself to the outside world, to the feelings of others. "Touchy" means people with a rejection issue, which most likely occurred while in childhood. Sometimes it turns into passive-aggressive behavior as a way of getting back.
Ask your boyfriend what he tells himself when you are not in the mood. Is this another way of him being close to you, or is he just so sexual that he cannot see other ways of feeling loved?
 
It's called communication, the main thing that any LTR needs to have.

Jus talk it out and express your views on it, and listen to his.
 
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