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how do you get over someone who is partnered?

C

CountryBiy86

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Heres my situation...
I've been seeing this guy for the past month almost everyday. Hes 45 and im 21. We enjoying spending time with eachother alot even if its not just for sex and we became really close. Oh ya... hes partnered and in an open relationship. His boyfriend is out of town. Im falling for this guy. He even told me he has feelings for me but also added "that doesnt mean its going anywhere". Now im not a homewrecker, thats not my intention. we know a relationship between us will never work because of the age difference and he has a partner. His bf comes back Aug 6 and he still wants to see me after that but says our sexual relationship has to come to a minimal and i agree. Im crazy over this guy, hes amazing and i know he feels the same way... i dont know how to get over him and i know i have to. My friends tell me i have to stop seeing him all together...but we became such good friends. When were together i feel like were a couple and feel really good about myself. He makes me happy, i make him happy! But i need to get over him and move on.
Any advice will be helpful...thanks!
 
I think your friends may be right. You may have to stop seeing him altogether, and I suspect you already know that too.

You're in too deep to remain just as friends, and the longer you see him, the deeper it will become, and the more difficult it will be to break off.

By the way -- did he tell you he's in an open relationship, or did his boyfriend? I'm not saying it's not true; just that it's something to think about.

I know it's hard, but make a clean break. Put a period on it and be happy for what it was, but realize that it can't continue. You'll meet plenty of guys in the future who aren't attached, and who'll have the potential for a more stable relationship.
 
CountryBiy86 said:
Heres my situation...
I've been seeing this guy for the past month almost everyday. Hes 45 and im 21. We enjoying spending time with eachother alot even if its not just for sex and we became really close. Oh ya... hes partnered and in an open relationship. His boyfriend is out of town. Im falling for this guy. He even told me he has feelings for me but also added "that doesnt mean its going anywhere". Now im not a homewrecker, thats not my intention. we know a relationship between us will never work because of the age difference and he has a partner. His bf comes back Aug 6 and he still wants to see me after that but says our sexual relationship has to come to a minimal and i agree. Im crazy over this guy, hes amazing and i know he feels the same way... i dont know how to get over him and i know i have to. My friends tell me i have to stop seeing him all together...but we became such good friends. When were together i feel like were a couple and feel really good about myself. He makes me happy, i make him happy! But i need to get over him and move on.
Any advice will be helpful...thanks!
Click to expand...


He's got a b/f that is coming back home in a few days... and he says he'd still like to see you after his b/f comes home but your sexual contact would have to become minimal?
And he's having sex with you while his b/f is out of town? Holy shit dude....
you don't want to become a homewrecker, but that's what is going to happen.
And the fault isn't yours entirely man. You new found love is cheating on his boy friend with you... the b/f is away so it's 'ok'? and then when the b/f comes home he will still cheat on him but keep to minimal?
Leave right now. Find your own b/f and leave these two alone.

If he wants to leave his boyfriend then maybe you two can become a couple, but then as you said ^ there is the age difference. Now, many guys your age can have a fine partnership with someone of his age. But you are the one that mentioned that may be a problem for a ltr.
And if he figures he wants to leave his b/f for you then you'd better be prepared for him to to the same thing with you that he's doing with his current b/f.... and that is fucking someone on the side. Doesn't matter if you two are fucking or not, you know what I'm saying.
 
Listen to your friends. The guy isn't going to leave his long-term boyfriend for you. You're not just going to get over him since you have strong feelings for him. If you stick around, you're only going to end up getting really hurt.
 
HE told me he was in an open relationship...hes telling the truth. He wants to introduce me to his boyfriend when he back but i think it will hurt too much. This is going to suck. What do i say to him?
 
His boyfriend knows about me... like is said my intention is not to break their relationship.
 
You tell him that you've really enjoyed the time you've spent together and that you have strong feelings for him, but that you need to distance yourself because it's never going to work.
 
CountryBiy86 said:
My friends tell me i have to stop seeing him all together
Click to expand...

Listen to your friends.


CountryBiy86 said:
How can i just leave him for good?
Click to expand...

You just tell him that you can't be "the piece on the side" now that his boyfriend is back. It's just too difficult have feelings for someone that is with someone else. And you don't want to be the one sitting by the phone while he's with his partner.

There's a whole catalog of county and western songs about this. It never works out.


CountryBiy86 said:
can we still be friends?
Click to expand...

Perhaps but given how painful everything will be for a whlie, probably not.


Never settle for less than you deserve. And you deserve more than this.
 
Though I know that it is easier said than done, you gotta stop seeing him.

Since you're in the same social circles, I'd say that any time spent as friends should be limited to groups.
 
so i guess everyone is saying i should stop seeing him for good. im going to cry if i tell him this. maybe i should just ignore him for good. i dont know!
 
Sadly, I have to agree with your friends. The only way to really get over someone is to stop seeing them. I know that's an awful solution--and I've been there and it was probably the most psychologically-painful thing I've ever done.

Just don't beat yourself up over this. These things happen. Love, infatuation, crushes--whatever you want to label intense positive emotion--is so tricky because it develops without us necessarily wanting it to and then we're stuck in a bind. Open relationships would be much more successful if people could limit their use to friendship and a sexual outlet and be able to turn off any emotions like a tap. But, it doesn't work that way. You probably learned something valuable about yourself in this episode--I know I did when it happened to me.
 
i think this will hurt him as much as it will hurt me. I know he cares for me and just wants to be friends. I dont want to hurt him. I am strong i think i can still be friends with him but i just need some space for a little while.
 
FWIW, I'd say it's quite possible for you guys to become friends a ways in the future, but you need to spend some time apart for now.
 
CountryBiy86 said:
i think this will hurt him as much as it will hurt me. I know he cares for me and just wants to be friends. I dont want to hurt him. I am strong i think i can still be friends with him but i just need some space for a little while.
Click to expand...


I hate to be the fly in the ointment here but the only thing he's going to have hurting is his ego....

Heres an older man who bagged a young boy to be his "thing on the side" he flaunted you to his partner and all his friends and used you...

Now the "boyfriend" is back and you are back to his tasty little side dish there to boost his ego and make him feel better about himself...

If he truly had any feelings for you he wouldn't have put you in this situation to begin with... especially you being so young he should have known you would be in it for more than he was... Also if he felt the same way he would probably want more than just friendship.

You got played by him and if you continue to be his little pet he's going to keep playing you...
 
I find the whole situation rather revolting. Basically, you were using each other for sex and now you want feelings, emotions, and something like a relationship.

Stop seeing him. Out of respect for yourself, your dignity, and body, don't have anything to do with him again.
 
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