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how do you meet guys?

C

chobbs

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I am a 22 year old guy at a southern public college town, not really out but not really hiding the fact that i'm gay.

was in a fraternity during undergrad.

i feel like the only way to meet guys is online, but i've been generally disappointed with that.

the "gay nights" at the bars here aren't that fun. it is generally the same clubby trendy guys at each one, sweaty and grinding on each other. not my scene.

maybe i just need to move to a bigger city?
 
Possibly. But you might go online and see if the school (or the town) has a gay club.

Lex
 
Is there Metropolitan Community Church where you are? They would have meet and greets or if your College has a Dramatic Arts Dept. kind of cliche but true. If you don't act or sing. Volunteer back stage. I've meet several men in community theatre.
 
as lex suggested do an online search. hopefully your university has a gay/lesbian/bi/trans club. if not look to see if there are any social groups like a gay bowling league.
 
What are you looking for, friends or dates?
 
I'm right in the same boat as you... except I wouldn't really call the public university i go to "southern" (University of Maryland, it may be below the mason-dixon line but i've never met anyone from any part who's loyalties lie with the south and not the northeast). I'm not big on the scene too, out but don't advertise. It's sortof a catch-22. We're dying breeds. Revel in it though, we're "Mr. Rights",and all the other "Mr. Right-nows" won't be for much longer. Good Luck. :)
 
You meet guys the same way you'd meet anyone.

Get out there.

Be friendly and engage everyone in conversation.

From the guy you meet in the grocery store to the ones you meet in the library or coffee houses or the gym or the restaurants or the bar or the bathhouse. The more that people sit at home culling and sifting through the listings on the net, the less opportunity for spontaneous interaction.

Build a large network of straight friends too. Eventually, some of them will have other gay friends and some of them won't be able to resist playing matchmaker.
 
There are a couple of cities in your state that have large gay populations. And there are several universities there that also have lots of gay guys. They're just not as open about it as in other places in the US.

There's several places you can meet gay people. Oddly enough, Barnes & Noble and coffeehouses seem to be very popular in your state. There are also many guys here in JUB who are from your state or who went to school in your state. Talking to other guys on campus and networking is a good idea.

But you may need to be a little less judgmental about the way people look- that's going to be a barrier to meeting nice guys.,, especially for friendship.

By the way- your profile still says "California" and it might help other members if you gave them a little more information about where you live... even if it's general like "I live in the northeastern corner of ____" or "the closest major city is _____"...
 
I don't recommend using the internet to meet men. There's something completely inorganic about it. I don't like the idea of meeting up with some guy under the pretense that you're looking for someone to date. Go out, join a club, go to a gay bar even and meet people. Get to know them.

Sometimes (not often, just sometimes) I wish the internet wasn't around.
 
I've met 2 other nice guys via this forum. Online is really all I've used that's got me closest. Speaking of which, I almost hit on a co-worker today, lol!!!
 
I met the guy I am sorta dating at the club. I saw him in a group of people and approached him. turns out he rarely goes to clubs but it was going away thing for one of his friends. not everyone at the bar is into the scene necessarily. also most all of my bf's I've met on the net however I always make it very clear what I am after.
 
spencer said:
I met the guy I am sorta dating at the club. I saw him in a group of people and approached him. turns out he rarely goes to clubs but it was going away thing for one of his friends. not everyone at the bar is into the scene necessarily. also most all of my bf's I've met on the net however I always make it very clear what I am after.
Click to expand...

Yah, make your intentions clear early on if possible. Thankfully the other guy usually creates the opportunity by asking me in our first meeting ;)
 
I have actually met some great guys through this forum over the years, but it just seems like so much effort to go through all of this online, especially when all the great guys I've met live hundreds of miles away.

I have a very large network of straight friends, and am out to most of them, and joke with them that they need to find me a man. Maybe someday, haha.

All of the gay clubs and groups at my school I've encountered are mostly dominated by guys I don't have much in common with. Call me close minded, but I have actually given that a shot.

Thank you all for the input.
 
Oh, and I guess I'm looking for dates as well as friends. Hopefully the people I date become friends.
 
chobbs, it looks as if you're actually making reasonable efforts on several fronts to meet people. Keep doing so. It really takes time to make friends and go out on quality dates (and not necessarily both or in that order).
 
FunFunk said:
chobbs, it looks as if you're actually making reasonable efforts on several fronts to meet people. Keep doing so. It really takes time to make friends and go out on quality dates (and not necessarily both or in that order).
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you ain't kidding, the last guy I dated, I've eye'd for 2 years (was going out with other guys) and the current one was just bad timing for 2 years again. keep all optinos open :)
 
chobbs said:
Oh, and I guess I'm looking for dates as well as friends. Hopefully the people I date become friends.
Click to expand...

Reverse the order on that and you might have a little more luck.

Underneath this is a lot of judgment based upon appearance.

If you're looking for friends, then be less judgmental about the way people look or act. You have to be willing to give people a chance- to get to know them.

And you'll find that if you have a circle of gay friends who are fun to be around, you'll meet more people... and probably you'll meet people that you "click" with romantically.
 
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