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how early would you consider moving in with a guy?

darden

darden

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I know the ultimately answer is "it's different for everyone," but I just thought I'd get some general opinions on the subject. ..|

my boyfriend and I haven't reached the discussion yet, but I can see it coming down the road. on paper, it makes total sense -- I enjoy his company and we're already spending at least 5 nights/week together, so it's starting to seem silly to be paying rent on two apartments... on the other hand, I'm having mini-panic attacks about giving up my last shred of independence after living alone for the past 10 years, and I'm perhaps a bit over-cautious about rushing into things.

(my BF probably wanted to get engaged on the second date, married on the third, and start checking out adoption agencies to celebrate our one-month anniversary... it tends to be me in the relationship who's reining back the horses)
 
Hmm. My answer is the one you don't want to here. It's right when you feel it's right.

I'm in the minority. I personally like my space and have seen way too many couples break up not long after moving in together. But my personality is very independent and I'm introverted.
I would wait at least a year and a half to two years.

You have to do what seems right. You seem like a smart and mature guy. Whatever you do, don't feel rushed.
 
From becoming a couple to moving in with my ex took two months, so potentially that again.

Actually it took longer to move out.
 
darden said:
I'm having mini-panic attacks about giving up my last shred of independence after living alone for the past 10 years, and I'm perhaps a bit over-cautious about rushing into things.
Click to expand...

There is a big difference between being afraid to do something, and not wanting to.
 
When I first met "My" Kev, he was with someone else, and nowhere near "Mine". [-X

It was perhaps a year later that his relationship went "South", and a mutual friend, who was WAY more into Me, than I was into him, offered Kev a room in his apartment. ..|

However, the moment Kev was "Free", I made my move, which Truly pissed off our mutual friend, when he found out about our "One Night" Fling. #-o

Within days of that, Kev moved in with me, simply for "practical" reasons, having been tossed out of our Friend's apartment, in a fit of Jealousy. It was not something that was Planned, but became a "necessity" of the moment. :badgrin:

We had NO idea what it was that we were starting! :-<

31yr. later? We're still "Homies" in all senses of that term! (!) (!w!) (group)

Since you never Really KNOW what's going to happen ... it's just all the more reasons to ... No Matter What ...

Keep Smilin'!! :kiss: (*8*)
Chaz :luv:

Sometimes it's best to not Over-Think, and just "Go with the Flow"! \:/
 
One almost essential thing is that you spend a lot of time together - and I mean DAYS at a time with no breaks in between. That's when you truly get to know someone - when you are around them all hours of the day and night. You see them in situations others rarely see, and vice versa. That's when you decide - 'This person does this particular thing; am I OK with that? Can we compromise?'

Another good way to gauge compatibility is taking trips together. You get to be around them days at a time, but seeing how others act away from home can give you more clues as to whether or not you think you'll be happy living together.

I was just in a tough situation because I had a potential relationship on the horizon right when I'm planning to uproot my life in Mississippi and move across the country. It wasn't an ideal situation to make a decision, but sometimes those are the circumstances we find ourselves in. Ultimately I think we made the right choice in deciding I'd find a place on my own. In the past I had moved in with a boyfriend whose home was already established, and we had roommates. It was difficult finding where I fit in in my new home, and it presented lots of challenges. It will be good for me to establish a sense of independence and self-sufficiency after my move. The best outcome is the one that manifests, I always say.

The same thing can happen even if you're not moving terribly far away. A lot of it can do with who is moving in with whom. Another solution, though it may be impractical, is to scope out a new place for the both of you. That way you can decide together where things go and feel like it is a home for both of you, rather than being someone's home first where someone else has to see where they fit in.
 
AstareGod said:
The same thing can happen even if you're not moving terribly far away. A lot of it can do with who is moving in with whom. Another solution, though it may be impractical, is to scope out a new place for the both of you. That way you can decide together where things go and feel like it is a home for both of you, rather than being someone's home first where someone else has to see where they fit in.
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that's definitely a conversation we'd need to have.

I'm in a weird living situation at the moment... I'd absolutely love to move, but I'm renting a house from my 87 year-old great aunt and my monthly rent is basically her only source of income. without me here, the family would be reluctant to rent it out to a stranger, since she also lives on the property (it's a duplex -- she lives in the other unit). on the other hand, I *love* my boyfriend's apartment and I'd be really sad about him giving it up.

but on the other, other hand... my boyfriend has a roommate and even only paying 50% of the rent, he's just able to pay for his share of rent/utilities/food and isn't left with a ton of extra money at the end of the month to help start saving for a house, so I just may have to reconcile with the fact that moving into his amazingly huge apartment with super high ceilings and windows for miles wouldn't be the best fiscal situation.
 
If you guys are planning to buy a house together in the next couple of years. Find the cheapest rent (between his apartment and your duplex) and move in together. Then save your money to splurge on a house you both will own...make it your dream home.
 
Independence for the sake of independence is meaningless. If you have feelings for the guy, you are already not independent from him anyway. You can always have an honest discussion about issues arising from living together, and set up boundaries. Every couple does that. As for the time frame, I'd say doing it in the first 3-4 months is rushing it (simply because you don't see the real person in that time, you only see your idea of them), but any time after that would be good depending on the two people involved. Having been together for 10 months is definitely respectable enough period.
 
Seeing someone (even as much as you are) and living together are two entirely different things. As other have suggested, take some trips together, where you are literally together 24/7. That will give you a good taste of what it would be like living together. I only know from my own experiences that you never REALLY know someone until you have lived with that person. It is the reason so many relationships don't last. They see each other a few months and too quick to move in together, not knowing what it's like to actually be together 24/7.
 
I guess my only advice would be to leave yourself an out ($) if it doesn't work out. People go into these situations thinking (hoping) it's going to last forever, Happily ever after... only to wake up stuck in some War of the Roses nightmare.

Calculated risks are ok.
 
I definitely think this is a case by case type of thing, but I do have some advice.

AstareGod said:
One almost essential thing is that you spend a lot of time together - and I mean DAYS at a time with no breaks in between.

Another good way to gauge compatibility is taking trips together.
Click to expand...

Both of these things. I CANNOT stress these two things enough. I would also add that I would make sure I was spending some time with them on days when you both have to work. I know that may not be practical, but it can be really helpful. My bf and I have been having some issues because I thought he was aware that I was a night owl and it turns out that he wasn't. We have different work schedules and it's not easy to come to a compromise.

borg69unimatrix said:
I guess my only advice would be to leave yourself an out ($) if it doesn't work out. People go into these situations thinking (hoping) it's going to last forever, Happily ever after... only to wake up stuck in some War of the Roses nightmare.

Calculated risks are ok.
Click to expand...

I agree. It's good to have a backup plan.
 
What about the possibility of him moving in with you and you guys save his rent payment for a future home?
 
borg69unimatrix said:
I guess my only advice would be to leave yourself an out ($) if it doesn't work out. People go into these situations thinking (hoping) it's going to last forever, Happily ever after... only to wake up stuck in some War of the Roses nightmare.

Calculated risks are ok.
Click to expand...

definitely good advice. of the two of us, I'm the more financially-stable (insofar as I make more money, have better credit, and have a somewhat substantial savings to fall back on -- $15k "liquid" between my 6-month emergency account and the money I've been squirreling away to buy a new car), so I'm not quite nervous in that regard.
 
One aspect about Life, in General, is that NOTHING is "Etched in Stone"! [-X

As I've mentioned, when "My" Kev moved in with me, we had NO Idea what it was we were starting! As far as we knew, it was only a Temporary situation. And, I suppose, if 31yr. can be considered "Temporary", it still is! However, the idea of it lasting longer has only gotten more likely as the years have rolled by. :lol:

Even starting something with the Intent for it being Long Term, does not guarantee that it will work out that way. Look at today's divorce rates. #-o

EVERYTHING is subject to change, at any given moment. A marriage/commitment (of any type), employment status (even if you're running your own business), can become unexpectedly "Fluid", even with careful planning and execution. :eek: :help: ](*,)

That doesn't mean you shouldn't give it a GO! If it works out, that's Great! \:/

And, if it doesn't? Well ... there's always Tomorrow. (!)

I'm liking the idea of having him move in with you at your Aunt's duplex. It might not be "Ideal", but it will be good for the moment. You'll be able to save more bucks, and plan for the Future, as you're getting to know each other a LOT better! ..|

And, if it doesn't work out like you'd both Hope? At least you gave it a chance, and You'll still be personally "anchored" if it's decided he should move back out. Either he'll have to find a new "awesome" apartment, or the two of you just might be looking for one for Both of You! (group)

All the more reasons to ... No Matter What ...

Keep Smilin'!! :kiss: (*8*)
Chaz :luv:
 
I was nervous at first, but I found it remarkably easy to adjust to (though we may have been together for 1.5 years or so).
Just allow each other your own personal space/time.
 
I say wait until a year that way you guys can get used to the idea much more comfortably.
 
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