How embarrassing and unneccessary

[recuerdeme]

So I've been seeing this guy for about a week or two and things have been going great. Really great. Last night we went out to his friends b-day party and after that we went to a club. The party went smoothly... my first time seeing his friends. And the club was going great until my EX showed up.

The Ex yanked me from slowing dancing with the new guy and lead me outside to berate me and tell me he wants to get back together. I told him that we were finished and to please leave or atleast go about his night without bothering me or my new guy. He of course followed me back in and started talking to the new guy. I was like we should go. But my date wanted to hear my ex out. I was like no lets go. In the end I walked home and left them both there... I'm sure my ex told him all sorts of horrid lies about me.

I called the new guy when i got home and he was driving on his way home. He said my ex told him some peculiar things then he said he's driving so lets talk later :-/ tf?

So I'm thinking I may have handled the situation wrong. I mean why the heck did I leave my new interest to hear all the pent-up anger and jealousness from my ex? How can I show my face to the new guy... and his friends and get him to understand what happened? And then theres the damage control but I have no idea what all was said... grr

I've never been in any of those queer club melodramas so I dont' now... Now I'm thinking the new guy thinks I'm one of "those guys" with excess baggage. Any one have experiences in this?

 

[DiaryOfAMadman]

"new guy" should have obeyed your wishes and left with you. If he was serious about a possible relationship with you then he had no reasons to talk with your EX. However, if you've EVER done anything questionable or that your ashamed of and your EX knows it............. well then the "new guy" now knows it as well. Good luck, please keep us updated.

But you were right, and you should have insisted that "new guy" come with you. He was very wrong for staying.

 

[lifeisamazing]

Personally, I would pushed your ex away, and took your guys hand and left the club. This is why I dont go to clubs, cause boys who go to clubs have too much drama and like you said melodrama in their lives.

What you need to do, if it hasn't happened yet, you need to get your guy and you to a comfortable place, where you cant feel threated. And before you make any mistakes let him tell you, all the stuff your ex said. And then you should talk it out once your done. Don't show weakness, and don't get angry, cause it could prove your ex right (from the new guys perspective).

I've had this happen before, people like that are stupid and lame, and if this causes you and your new guy to end -- dude, go give your ex and good one in the face -- he deserves it.

 

[RicanDAB]

^^ Great advice stated above.

You want to approach this situation cautiously because you have no idea right now what your ex told the new guy ... I'm just speculating, but perhaps your ex is evil enough to go over the deep end and tell him blatant lies about you ("He's HIV+" [that is, if you are negative] ... "He's still sleeping with me." ... "He will steal money from you." ...) in an effort to prevent you from finding happiness with someone else. If your ex indeed spilled lies about you, you can easily disprove them and then new guy will realize what the ex is all about. This is actually a good opportunity be "real" with the new guy and establish your honesty. It's a tad abrupt a situation, but don't sink down to your ex's level when speaking to your new guy - no need to berate the ex, calmly be as up front as possible about anything that needs explanation.

If the new guy ultimately takes your ex's words over yours ... you need to let him go and fast, because if he's gonna take someone else's word who he just met over yours who he has been dating for a week or two - I would have to question what kind of person he really is and whether you deserve better.

My advice if in fact you and your new guy continue forward: stay away from places where you might bump into the ex. Is Houston really that small (I have been there, but I know there is more than one club to go to and more than one night to go out)?

Keep us posted and I am hoping the best for you ...

 

[Spensed]

It might be different if you'd been in a relationship for longer, but seeing someone for a week or two isn't long enough to know that much about him or to set up expectations as to how he should or shouldn't behave. You were all in a club so I'm guessing alcohol was also involved and that also distorts the interactions.

You ex was, obviously, out of order. The new guy could have left with you, but I don't see that he was that wrong in staying, especially if he saw your departure as a controlling ultimatum to him. You did the right thing in leaving, but how you left might have put too much pressure on the new guy.

IMHO the obvious thing to do is to talk over what happened with the new guy without being overly dramatic or criticising him for what you think he should or shouldn't have done.

 

[G-Lexington]

He's more than allowed to hear your ex's side of the story. Presumably you don't have anything to hide. Next time you see/talk to your new guy, ask if he has any questions after talking to your ex. Answer them calmly. Don't accuse your ex of being a malicious liar, even if that's precisely what he is. Let your facts and calm demeanor dominate over his stories and desperate behavior.

Lex

 

[trawler69]

I go with Lex on this, rise above the bickering and be honest, show that you are not afraid of what may have been said and are happy to answer any questions on it truthfully.

 

[Horschallen]

You could have gone to the bouncer and ask him/her to tell your ex to leave you and your friends alone or leave. Your ex was the one who was causing the disturbances for you and your friend(s), right?

 

[recuerdeme]

I thought after that night that I should have asked the bouncer to get someone to escort the ex out. I wasn't thinking straight.

I don't have anything to hide but I'm sure my ex lied and tarnished my name.

I'm just really embarrassed by the whole situation. I mean would I want to be with a guy thats bringing drama 2 weeks into the relationship.... probably not.

I'm not sure how to approach the new guy now. And just think of the first impression that I now have with his friends... went from good to probably bad

sucks

 

[backpacker]

I would think long and hard about if the new guy is really someone you want to be with. I think talking to your ex after you made it clear that you weren't comfortable with it was very disrespectful. The new guy was just looking for drama and trouble. As you said, you wouldn't want to go out with someone who brought all the drama into a two week old relationship. I would dump him if he doesn't offer a sincere apology.

 

[tallguy297]

Well mate... read your own posts... and the others here as well... but read your own.

Trust in yourself, the way you are feeling about this. If you feel you over reacted and handled things badly then maybe you did. Your heart and your gut are often right in these things.

So now you have a choice. You can do nothing and let this thing spiral out of control....or you can call your new guy... and be a man. You can listen and talk. You can explain to him like you have us here how you feel and that you were wrong. That more than anything that the ex said what you regret most is the drama... the saga and the embarrassment.

Mate...just be honest. Just be you. About everything - the ex, the stories and how you handled it.

You made a mistake. We all do. To not take control and make it right would be a far greater one.

 

[Eagle653]

Until you have reason not to, try to give your new guy the benefit of the doubt and trust that he'll believe in you--or at least talk to you and get your side of the "peculiar details."

This very thing happened to me at the beginning of my relationship with my partner. On one of our first few dates, we were at a bar and his "ex" was there. Their relationship had ended very badly (my partner broke up with him) and he started ranting and raving and carrying on. My partner was mortified, especially since I was within earshot of most of it.

That incident told me more about this ex-clown than it did my partner. In fact, it validated some things I'd heard about him from my partner and others. And, over the years, those first-impressions were validated over and over again. So, no, it didn't sway me the least, most of all in any negative way. I just witnessed first-hand what a jerk he was.

It will be telling how your new bf reacts to this. It is a test of character and maturity for him. Judge him wisely.

 

[recuerdeme]

well the new guy hasn't returned my phone call or text messages.

maybe i'll keep a door open for a while to give him an opportunity to converse with me about the state of things

but i will not be idle for too long there are plenty of cuties in the sea...

 

[rareboy]

You're better off without both of them.

Don't hold your breath about new guy.

Move on.

 

[spreadeagle]

Good advice so far. I would add:

Contact your ex briefly - email would be good - saying "Your behaviour at the club the other night demonstrated all the reasons why I would never contemplate a relationship with you again. I wish you well, but I don't intend to let any mean-spirited actions on your part stand in the way of my happiness.'

 

[RicanDAB]

well the new guy hasn't returned my phone call or text messages.

maybe i'll keep a door open for a while to give him an opportunity to converse with me about the state of things

but i will not be idle for too long there are plenty of cuties in the sea...

Thanks for the update ...

Life's too short, buddy. You've done all you could to reach him so far. If he has not responded yet, something is seriously wrong.

Keep moving forward, you got the right attitude ... good luck man!

 

[Danugh]

LOL that sounds like something out of a tv show. I didnt know things like this happen in real life, thats drama LOL.

Your ex sounds fun, i could never.

New guy should have left with you but i see nothing wrong with you walking out on both of them i would have done the same.

 

[backpacker]

well the new guy hasn't returned my phone call or text messages.

maybe i'll keep a door open for a while to give him an opportunity to converse with me about the state of things

but i will not be idle for too long there are plenty of cuties in the sea...

Sounds like it's time to start checking out that sea. Look at the bright side, at least you didn't waste too much time before you found out what kind of guy your new guy is. Good luck! I'm sure you will find someone who will treat you right soon.

 

[bluedragon4]

Boy, have I had this happen!!!! several times actually. My bf that i have been with for almost 5 years had a guy he dated for 2 years who wouldn't leave my bf alone when we first started dating. He wanted him back sooooooooo bad! My bf hated his ex and thought he was a needy drama queen who had no mind or opinions of his own(I am so the opposite of his ex that it's not even funny) The ex would come up to me at the bar when I was without my bf(who was just someone I was dating at the time) and tell me the craziest stories about him. I guess once my bf pushed him up against the wall and held his throat and the stories get odder from there. But my bf was beyond frustrated with this guy and smothered and acted badly. But that isn't or was ever my experience with him. He's shown be love and respect cause I deserve that and know how to let the man breath and not jump on him for every little thing or chase him around and yell at him about his friends or ask where he was? So hopefully this new guy will understand that that was a different relationship and not everyone is the same person or in the same situation as they were with the previous partner.

 

[rareboy]

A rule of thumb.

Don't choose a psychopath for a boyfriend.

If they are clingy and needy at the beginning...dump them quick.