How Good Or Bad Was Your Coming Out?

[RRRalph]

Coming out is one of the biggest steps to take in life. Revealing your real sexual identity to family, friends and others is huge. The period before coming out you ask yourself nervously how this will change your life, what the consequences of setting yourself free with the truth will be and how the ones close to you will react.



I would like you to tell us your story about 1) your home situation, 2) your coming out, 3) your life after coming out. This information can be at least interesting for the ones who aren’t out yet about their sexuality. This thread is for the ones who are closeted and who wonder how their life will change after coming out, for those who are not sure what to expect and may find some good advice or tips in other's experiences.

 

[RRRalph]

My home situation at that time
I lived with my parents and i don’t have any brothers or sisters. My mother is a sweet and caring woman. Eventho she knows I can take good care of myself, she tends to worry too much about me. My father is a funny no nonsense type of man. He was the one who handles the punishments when I did something what I didn’t suppose to do. I had (and have) an outstanding relationship with both my parents.

My coming out
One day we were all at home and I thought I am going to tell them tonight. I wanted to tell them both at the same time after dinner and when everything was washed up. I couldn’t yet, so we watched tv all evening and when mom wants to sleep I thought now is the time to tell (after trying to pick a moment for the 100th time). It was plain and simple. “Mom…Dad… I want to tell you something important about myself… I‘m bisexual”. A nasty silent fell. Are you telling us that you are gay, my dad asked me. No, I’m not gay. I’m bisexual. They totally don't understand and didn’t expect it. I answered a couple of questions and dad went out for a walk for while.

Mom was supportive. Dad had troubles with this confession, but he didn’t screamed or went ballistic. He was puzzled, asking me how this is possible, if I was really sure, if this isn’t just an experimental phase. He didn’t say anything like “it doesn’t matter” or “you’re still my son”. Having a son who fuck guys doesn't fit his ideal picture. We went to bed cuz it was really late, but no one slept. After several more conversations and explanations that week he finally said that “you are who you are and among all the things that you are, you are my son, my favorite son (his standard joke)” and then we hugged. That is one of the most special moments in my life.

My life after coming out.
I was very glad after I came out. I felt so free, so happy, so strong. I’ve never had sex with a guy at my parents house and I’ve never let a guy to sleep over outside my male friends. I didn’t want it to become awkward for my parents. My parents an i are still close and from time to time they ask me about my bisexuality out of interest. After the longterm relationships I had with girls and being single for a year my dad curiously asks me not too long ago if this has anything to do with me being bisexual and he curiously asked me if I was considering being with a man. Eventho he accepts me, he seems relieved when I tell him that I won’t be in a ltr with a man, cuz I can’t.

 

[949-4-Fun]

I feel no compulsion to "Come out" as bi-sexual, I consider it a part of my bedroom demeanor, just like I wouldn't necessarily tell anyone I'm into BDSM or Role Play or anything else.

 

[RRRalph]

I consider it a part of my bedroom demeanor, just like I wouldn't necessarily tell anyone I'm into BDSM or Role Play or anything else.

As your dirty little secret

 

[949-4-Fun]

As your dirty little secret

Yeah, pretty much.

 

[cssuper]

I feel no compulsion to "Come out" as bi-sexual, I consider it a part of my bedroom demeanor, just like I wouldn't necessarily tell anyone I'm into BDSM or Role Play or anything else.

agreed

and yes, dirty little secret.

 

[Matthew-]

1. My home situation : I come from a very open minded family (with the exception of my grandmother), and therefore I didnt saw any reason why my family would react bad. There is always a risk, however, and thats what made me nervous.

2. My coming out: It happened one night, I was talking to my mom, I was 17, and it just came out. Everything went well. Nobody told my grandmother as we wouldnt want to take the risk of her causing problems. Today she has alzheimer and she doesnt even remember what homosexuality is, so this problem is gone.

3. My life after my coming out: Was practically the same as before. I lost a few friends because they didnt want a gay friend, but I guess I am better without them if they are that homophobic.

 

[RRRalph]

Coming Out:
I came out to my mom first. I told her I had to talk to her and then just said "I'm Gay". She told me that she would support me but that she was still sad that she wouldn't get to see me get married and have kids. After that I leaped into action and began telling my sibs.

Life After Coming Out:
So after all that its been pretty good-aside from the fact that I have yet to have a boyfriend, which I think will be another giant step for my family, but we'll see-lifes been good though

2. My coming out:
It happened one night, I was talking to my mom, I was 17, and it just came out. Everything went well.

3. My life after my coming out:
Was practically the same as before. I lost a few friends because they didnt want a gay friend, but I guess I am better without them if they are that homophobic.

Good for you both! Matthew, i miss the part of coming out to your father. How was that?

 

[Kulindahr]

When I came out, I lost almost every friend I had.
My first Christmas out, I called ahead to my mom's place; she said it was kool, come on over -- but when I got there, I didn't even have my coat off before my siblings were walking out the door.

How are things now? Messed up.

 

[Kulindahr]

I didn't understand why my brothers and sisters could bring dates home and I couldn't. So I wasn't having none of that. I made them accept it.

I like this. this is what I'm doing too

I can only dream... I'm not welcome at any of my siblings' houses already. But I do wonder what would have happened, if I could send a message back in time to myself that would have straightened (heh) me out (assuming that I didn't end up mutilated and thrown in a canyon under a pile of slash).

 

[sb]

My Home Situation
My mother and her husband.... 1 brother, 1 sister... living in a vile country town.
Coming Out
I told my lesbian best friend who had told me she was a lesbian about five minutes previously.... then about a week later told another friend.... then told about 2 other people.... no shocked responses, nobody suprised... then I just told everyone... my sister was the first family member I told... she was completly fine... she has marched in g&l mardi gra's with me.... my mother liked to pretend it isn't real... even my mostly ignorant brother who I can barely stand doesn't have an issue with my sexuality.
Life After Coming Out
Fine... my sexuality isn't an issue... I don't have to lie about who I am.... any bad things that happen in my life happen because bad things happen not cos I am an out and proud homo. I couldn't think of anything worse than living a lie and pretending to be something I'm not and letting part of who I am be a negative thing that I should be ashamed of.

 

[RRRalph]

Thanx for posting your stories guys Keep them coming!

 

[kayman23]

I don't live with my parents, as I'm in college and I am financially independent of them since I work and pay my own bills. I'll tell my parents whenever, as it is not a big deal to me because they will either overreact like they do with everything or pretend it does not exist.

I've told some of my friends and my female cousin who I talk to all the time, and they were all nonchalant about it.

 

[RRRalph]

It was not a great moment in my life. My coming out was pretty fucked up. My parents didnt not support me. It makes me very sad. But I give it a place in my life..

How's you life now after coming out? Don't you feel relieved that you don't have to hide your sexuality and your boyfriends? Was there something you would do diffirent in coming out? Any regrets?

I don't live with my parents and I am financially independent. I'll tell my parents whenever, as it is not a big deal to me because they will either overreact like they do with everything.

If it isn't a big deal to you, why haven't you come out to your parents before?

 

[Rali_hates_Mondays]

I love how everyone says that telling your friends is like a massive step. To me it was like stepping into a small puddle- virtually no impact and little effect. When I came out to my best friend he was like "OK..." then this awkward silence came over us! I had not prepared for this bit and I was hoping that he was going to say "I love you the way you are!" Instead it was a bit anti-climactic. We were soon talking about Ugly Betty and gossiping about our schoolmates. With my other 2 friends I assumed that they knew about it. I said "last week I went to pride." They said "why were you there?" After a while they asked the inevitable question and then I told them everything about it! That way was much better than the other one.

As for coming out to my parents, I haven't come to that bit yet. I have a feeling that they 're going to really freak out. They've invested loads of money into my education and they're still doing this. My parents expect me to go to a top university, get a top job, get married to a beautiful Chinese girl and to produce healthy grandchildren. I'm about to do the first thing and I am ambitious about what I want to do but I don't know about the last 2! I don't know whether they will reject me, kick me out or withdraw their support for my education (which I really need!) I think with time they might come round so long as I marry a high earning, upper class boy, preferably with a posh Chinese background!

 

[kayman23]

If it isn't a big deal to you, why haven't you come out to your parents before?

Uh, maybe cause it's not high on my hiearchy of things to do. In addition, like I said above I don't live with them or depend on them. I'll do it in due time.

 

[RRRalph]

I decided to tell my youngest sister, I was bisexual. My sister and I haven't talked about me being bisexual, since that night. I'm feeling more comfortable telling others my true sexual preference. Was thinking about telling some close co-workers/friends of mine soon.

When will you tell your other family members about your sexuality?

If I can live my life again, I would have my coming out when I was 16 our 18.
Because I have thrown some years away.

Thanx for these words dude

Eventho you coming out sucked majorly and eventho your parents freaked about your sexuality, you wish you came out much sooner. Being open is indeed so much better!

 

[RRRalph]

Any more coming out stories?

 

[marbalk]

Hi, RRRalph, where is your photo...? I miss it...