how is your relationship with your parents??

[luminum]

Mine is constantly evolving, but we're good. I love them, they love me. We have some nice times together and I enjoy talkign with them.

They don't accept my sexuality, but I don't accept their ignorance, either, so it peters out.

 

[Orlandude]

Why not TRY sitting down with them and telling them everything you just told us. Be patient with them. It won't be easy with all the anger going on. Try to get past that. If that doesn't work, just continue to be your own person and don't give up on all the positive accomplishments you have made. Make them part of a goal to get out of there and into a place you can call your own. I am not suggesting you abandon your parents but they, and you, must allow room for compromise and reconciliation. If that is impossible, then you must do what is best for you.

I had rough periods with my parents who were, too often, very controlling and manipulative. I am their first child and have 2 other brothers. By comparison, my brothers got away with everything. My parents finally "confessed" that they were a little rougher on me because I was their first and they were so nervous about making mistakes. They now realize they did make some mistakes and I forgive them for that. They too are only human and were doing what they believed to be the right things. Today, even though my father is gone now, I have a great relationship with my mother. She has become less a "parent" and more a friend and genuine human being.

I hope it all works out for you.

 

[jockboy01]

I love my parents... from a distance. There is a big disconnect with me and my parents between who I am and who they think/want me to be. And I don't know if that will ever be resolved. But I've grown to understand this, and accept it and realize that life isn't perfect.

P.S. I'm moving this to coming out and relationships as it deals with relationships more than health.

 

[jjc_7]

My relationship with my parents is pretty decent. My relationship with my dad was a bit battered after I came out, but he's still adjusting and he has realized I'm still the same person. There are still things he doesn't want to talk about, but I give him credit because at least he's trying. We talk now more than ever though. My relationship with my stepmom is awesome, she's just great! I've been on my own for the last 5 years, and I think the relationship between myself and my parents has gotten better since I left, but it's weird, when I go home again for more than a few days, they drive me NUTS! I still love 'em though

 

[M4P]

I came out to my parents 13 and 11 years ago respectively. I'm happy to say our relationship strengthened when I came out to them and is fantastic now. I'm very proud of the way they handled things and continue to love me and my partner unconditionally

And they are conservative Albertans

 

[jackal_78]

Yeah, I had a friend who was in what seems to be a pretty similar situation to you. Do you have any possibilities of moving out? I realize running away from this isn't the best solution, but I know with my dad when he gets hot-headed about things it really helps that I'm 4 hours away from him. He can get angry, I can hang up the phone, ignore his calls till the next day, and by then he'll have calmed down.

And they are conservative Albertans

I hear you on that one, my parents themselves aren't too bad, but basically everyone they know and a lot of my friends here are pretty bad. One day I'll come out to them (my parents that is) but for now I'm avoiding it.

 

[backpacker]

You may want to consider moving out if at all possible. You don't sound happy living there and I always think it is important to have a happy, safe home environment.

 

[star-warrior]

I'm 36 and she's 77 at the end of the year. We have a laugh occasionally, worry occasionally, and we also go shopping occasionally. She's had a stroke, and not completely there mentally. Her humour is centred around bodily noises and functions.... Can be hilarious at times.

My dad, bless him, died a while back. He was mentally capable to the end, but he laid down the law that mother shouldn't be contradicted. He saw reason on every other issue though. He always wanted her to have her own way in things. I guess it made their relationship work. He had a way of pestering her and get cheeky enjoyment out of it. He had a hard life, and miss him for his wry wit and charm.

 

[drhladnjak]

I get along with my parents pretty well. We had our rough patch around when I came out, but I was long out of the house by that point.

If you're old enough to post on this board, you're old enough to be able to move out on your own. Everybody needs to leave the nest at some point. If you can afford it financially, do it. If you can't, start making a plan on how you will be able to afford it. Become roommates with strangers if you have to. Don't fall into the trap of feeling like you need to be in a place just like your parents' house. You can certainly survive on a lot less.

More importantly though, you can't rely on your parents for validation of your worthiness. Sure, it's great when parents encourage you and tell you how great you are, but if you're not getting it you've got to accept that and stop caring what they think. Remember, parents are just ordinary people who happen to have you as their kid. They can be jerks or unappreciative or preoccupied as much as anybody else.

 

[G-Lexington]

My father is from a conservative Catholic family, and my mother from a "good" Episcopalian one. And they love their gay son. And his boyfriend. And I love them back.

Lex

 

[ashonfire]

Really close with my mum, my dad's really nice but our relationship feels a bit "forced". Both great people.

Guess I got lucky.

 

[gameboy 11]

I don't talk to my father because we kind of just stopped writing each other when I was like...10. Now I'm 21 and we still haven't had any contact since then. I like in Dunkirk, NY and last I knew he lived in Detroit, MI so we are pretty far apart. I do want to have contact with him but I guess I'm too lazy to initiate. Usually I don't even think about it! Anyway, my relationship with my mother is very close. We get along pretty well. Sometimes though she can give me constructive criticism and I take it the wrong way because I'm sensitive. But besides that, we're good. She knows I'm gay and at first for her, it was like, "Oooookay..." But then she got used to it. We talk about it sometimes.

And on a side note, it's pretty sad that your parents only talk to you when bad things occur. I'd feel sucky as a parent if I was like them. But it's nice that your life is looking up for you. Take Care!

 

[xdriver995]

I never told my dad, and he's now dead. But when he was alive, he was always really negative towards gays. I would tell my mom, but I don't want to hurt her.

 

[Adam2299]

My parents know I'm gay and love me anyway, which is amazing. But.. they also pressure me a LOT without even realizing it. They're both doctors and it's sort of already decided that I'm going to med school even though I really don't want to... I guess they just want me to work hard and be the best I can be. I can't blame them for it honestly... they do the best they can.

 

[Riverrick]

Sounds like a bad situation, bigdog83. Which it apparently has been for quite a while. You're right about it being their responsibility to set firm boundaries with you about school. It sounds like they've just been drifting along letting you raise yourself and now just treat you like a roommate.

So its time to find new roommates. You would never put up with this from a stranger so why do it with your family? Start planning the great escape. Good Luck!

 

[sebastian-k]

my relation is pretty much similar to Bigdog83 situation... not really close or confident but at same time is not like we can't stand each other or anoying. i guess we never develop a good communication between us, They're starting to act like old people...

 

[drhladnjak]

bigdog83--it's a really common story. Basically, you've become comfortable relying on your parents. Sure, it's nice to have that big house to yourself, but once you're out on your own you'll probably not want to go back. For me, moving out of the house was such a liberating feeling, I could hardly stand to be back once for just 3 months to work a summer job.

 

[musicjunkie_87]

mine are always telling that ill never amount to anything, always put me down, then all of a sudden they wanna be my best friend. i got tired of their attitude in high school and just stopped letting them into my life... i live with them but they know nothing about me and i dont think they even care.

 

[Neji]

pretty sure they think I'm straight since they stuff like WHEN i get married etc. I'm not out to anyone yet. It pissed me off when they made a comment about some gay person on tv and said they were glad I didn't turn out like that.

 

[Hellfire]

my father's dead, my mother's emotionally unavailable ever since i was born practically (but i understand her, she had a very difficult childhood) and i'm turning out to be quite the same way as i've noticed recently (but i understand me, i've had a very difficult mother). i'm trying to change that, but i hate opening up to people and saying "i love you" makes me angry, i don't know why. so basically, my parents screwed me up. what a shocker.