I would like know your opinion on the best ways to meet a guy for ltr (gay typical places-in gay bars, clubs, etc; dating sites, gay organizations, groups)?
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How meet a guy for ltr?
- Thread starter blue7cherry546
- Start date
^^
Ok cupidboy, I understand the friendship thing but 3 to 6 months???? Really? That wouldn't work for me. I'd be out of there.
First of all, blue, you have to decide what you mean by LTR. I mean my definition of LTR may be very different from yours. I mean are you just looking for a relationship that you hope becomes long lasting or are you looking for a relationship that you are going to make long lasting? It has been my experience that the latter doesn't work very well and if it, per chance, does you've gotten hold of a mentally disordered kook.
You want advise. I'll give advise. Bars and clubs usually don't have the best selection for relationship material. Those are best left for random hook-ups, scheduling kikis and the drama of drag-wars. Dating sites can be fun but can be weird. Use caution, there. This isn't condescension. I'm a pretty big guy so I could handle myself if something went south on a website hook-up. I'm just saying be careful. No one wants to see you get hurt. I will interject, that I have had less than success with these sites. I don't do gay organizations so I couldn't possibly tell you anything about that.
I'd say keep your eyes open. You can meet guys anywhere. I met my last LTR at the Whole Foods across town. It was random at first...like for the first 6 weeks. It became more frequent. After the fact, we both had discovered that we were intentionally going to the Whole Foods at the same time on the same day to see if the other was there. Haha It actually worked. Humans are creatures of habit. The day I actually talked to him was the day I wore my pitcher t-shirt. He said I like your shirt and we were off to the races.
Ok cupidboy, I understand the friendship thing but 3 to 6 months???? Really? That wouldn't work for me. I'd be out of there.
First of all, blue, you have to decide what you mean by LTR. I mean my definition of LTR may be very different from yours. I mean are you just looking for a relationship that you hope becomes long lasting or are you looking for a relationship that you are going to make long lasting? It has been my experience that the latter doesn't work very well and if it, per chance, does you've gotten hold of a mentally disordered kook.
You want advise. I'll give advise. Bars and clubs usually don't have the best selection for relationship material. Those are best left for random hook-ups, scheduling kikis and the drama of drag-wars. Dating sites can be fun but can be weird. Use caution, there. This isn't condescension. I'm a pretty big guy so I could handle myself if something went south on a website hook-up. I'm just saying be careful. No one wants to see you get hurt. I will interject, that I have had less than success with these sites. I don't do gay organizations so I couldn't possibly tell you anything about that.
I'd say keep your eyes open. You can meet guys anywhere. I met my last LTR at the Whole Foods across town. It was random at first...like for the first 6 weeks. It became more frequent. After the fact, we both had discovered that we were intentionally going to the Whole Foods at the same time on the same day to see if the other was there. Haha It actually worked. Humans are creatures of habit. The day I actually talked to him was the day I wore my pitcher t-shirt. He said I like your shirt and we were off to the races.
nycguydowntown
JUB Addict
3-6 months
this is cool if you're Taylor Swiftdon't know in the gay universe if this works.
Hey cupid. My last LTR died of leiomyosarcoma a few years ago. I didn't say that in my post because I didn't want to bring in a negative vibe. Meeting people is different for everyone. To think you have the only foolproof method is somewhat imperious.
Rolyo85
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This forum isn't really the place to have gif-sass fests. Please restrain yourselves. Also, we don't have arguments here. If you disagree with someone's advice, give another advice to the OP, but don't engage in discussion. Like this:
There are no places geared toward "ltr" because "ltr" is something you build yourself with the right guy, and the right guy could be anyone, and you can meet them anywhere. I met my most serious relationship so far on Grindr. The point is being able to recognize that a guy has potential, and despite what anyone might say, forced celibacy won't do it. Some guys need sex and that's that (I couldn't go longer than a couple of weeks without sex with a guy I am attracted to and dating, and I see no fault in that), whether they're players or the most decent people in the world. Personally, if our interaction had naturally gotten to the point where normally we'd have sex, but you wanted to "test" me and see if I would abstain just because that's some sort of test for faithfulness, I'd dump your ass. Because:
There is no right and wrong, it all the depends on who you are as a person, and who the other guy is as a person. There is only one rule in the search to find the right guy - do not follow dumb formulas given to you by others, but keep your eyes and ears open to pick the signals, and ALWAYS do ONLY what feels right for the situation.
There are no places geared toward "ltr" because "ltr" is something you build yourself with the right guy, and the right guy could be anyone, and you can meet them anywhere. I met my most serious relationship so far on Grindr. The point is being able to recognize that a guy has potential, and despite what anyone might say, forced celibacy won't do it. Some guys need sex and that's that (I couldn't go longer than a couple of weeks without sex with a guy I am attracted to and dating, and I see no fault in that), whether they're players or the most decent people in the world. Personally, if our interaction had naturally gotten to the point where normally we'd have sex, but you wanted to "test" me and see if I would abstain just because that's some sort of test for faithfulness, I'd dump your ass. Because:
There is no right and wrong, it all the depends on who you are as a person, and who the other guy is as a person. There is only one rule in the search to find the right guy - do not follow dumb formulas given to you by others, but keep your eyes and ears open to pick the signals, and ALWAYS do ONLY what feels right for the situation.
Brian Smith
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Alright, now let me try.
The people who are saying that you can meet the right guy anywhere are essentially correct. What that means is that you are looking for a guy who has similar life habits to yours and similar interests to yours. If you don't have anything in common with a guy, I guess you could theoretically make it work, but you could spend a few seconds smashing your fingers with a hammer and have a reasonable expectation of them healing eventually. Take it from me: the first ingredient in the formula is to do stuff that you like to do anyway. Otherwise, you're just going to a lot of trouble to put yourself to a hell of a lot of trouble, all for no good reason.
Don't be hesitant to date just casually, just completely with no expectations. If you meet a guy whom you know is gay, out, single and looking, exchange names, and arrange a casual date. A date is not a commitment. It's a chance for you to get to know a guy and see if you have any chemistry with him. If you have to, practice in front of a mirror at saying, "Hey, do you like Mongolian? I know a place just across town that just opened up" or "Hey, I like to hang out at the Barnes & Noble on Saturday mornings. Care to meet there next morning for coffee?" or whatever it is that you already do routinely. This isn't about either of you getting sex or into a relationship, but it's about giving both of you practice for when you DO find the one guy you really want to save yourselves for.
And the only advice you will ever need on learning to detect whether or not someone is gay, out, single and looking is this:
Ready for it?
Talk to people. Talk to them a lot. Talk to them every day. Get to know them. Share common interests. You cannot learn to read people unless you get out and meet them. Network. Make friends. Build-up future business partnerships. Share your ideas. You really can't go wrong with just letting yourself exist in the living world.
Just relax, don't rush it, and keep applying yourself. Before you know it, you will find yourself on the phone every night with "that one guy" whom you mysteriously "clicked with" at the E.B. Games or the local watering hole, and you will be talking about your first house to live in together before you even know what hit you.
The people who are saying that you can meet the right guy anywhere are essentially correct. What that means is that you are looking for a guy who has similar life habits to yours and similar interests to yours. If you don't have anything in common with a guy, I guess you could theoretically make it work, but you could spend a few seconds smashing your fingers with a hammer and have a reasonable expectation of them healing eventually. Take it from me: the first ingredient in the formula is to do stuff that you like to do anyway. Otherwise, you're just going to a lot of trouble to put yourself to a hell of a lot of trouble, all for no good reason.
Don't be hesitant to date just casually, just completely with no expectations. If you meet a guy whom you know is gay, out, single and looking, exchange names, and arrange a casual date. A date is not a commitment. It's a chance for you to get to know a guy and see if you have any chemistry with him. If you have to, practice in front of a mirror at saying, "Hey, do you like Mongolian? I know a place just across town that just opened up" or "Hey, I like to hang out at the Barnes & Noble on Saturday mornings. Care to meet there next morning for coffee?" or whatever it is that you already do routinely. This isn't about either of you getting sex or into a relationship, but it's about giving both of you practice for when you DO find the one guy you really want to save yourselves for.
And the only advice you will ever need on learning to detect whether or not someone is gay, out, single and looking is this:
Ready for it?
Talk to people. Talk to them a lot. Talk to them every day. Get to know them. Share common interests. You cannot learn to read people unless you get out and meet them. Network. Make friends. Build-up future business partnerships. Share your ideas. You really can't go wrong with just letting yourself exist in the living world.
Just relax, don't rush it, and keep applying yourself. Before you know it, you will find yourself on the phone every night with "that one guy" whom you mysteriously "clicked with" at the E.B. Games or the local watering hole, and you will be talking about your first house to live in together before you even know what hit you.
hylas
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i usually just fuck around (i find them online or in clubs), because i like sex a lot. every now and then, one sticks around. and sometimes, one sticks around for a really long time, and we realize were in love. different people go about it in different ways.
bankside
JUB 10k Club
I wish I could tell you specifically where to find a keeper, but honestly you can meet people anywhere.
What I can say, from experience, is don't settle for the first guy who is nice to you, there are people out there who will deceive you just to have sex with you. Always protect your heart, and when you meet someone try to take things slow. Start out as friends, see if you have chemistry. Don't have sex at all for the first three to six months, usually that is a period of time when he will start showing his true self. If he is interested in you he will stay without any sex.
This is my advice for a long term relationship anyway. Good luck...
This advice worked for me. 15 years so far. To me "LTR" stood for "life-time relationship." So far I have made it to long-term but that's is still 50 years short of my goal.
And what people are looking for makes a huge difference, and people mean different things by it so it is hard to know if you are even looking for the same thing.
To me a long term relationship is something sad: it is what happens when the plans for a lifelong relationship didn't work out. If a person gets very unlucky or doesn't learn from their relationship mistakes, maybe they will have 2 or 3 long term relationships in their lifetime before they find one that sticks.
But a lot of people use LTR to describe what I think would be more accurately called "a hook-up that didn't go home." It is possible, but not the most likely way to start a lifetime relationship.
If people choose carefully a lifetime relationship is possible and I also recommend the 3 to 6 months.
Brian Smith
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Well, some people just aren't capable of understanding other people's sexuality.
However, I think that the OP intended, by LTR, to mean a relationship that is intended as a lifetime commitment. However, we say LTR sometimes, rather than "life partner," because we like to believe that love is still worthwhile even when we don't succeed in making it last "forever." It is, after all, "better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." We do hope that a long-term relationship out-lives us, though.
However, I think that the OP intended, by LTR, to mean a relationship that is intended as a lifetime commitment. However, we say LTR sometimes, rather than "life partner," because we like to believe that love is still worthwhile even when we don't succeed in making it last "forever." It is, after all, "better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." We do hope that a long-term relationship out-lives us, though.