How real is the threat of attacks?

[CagedBird]

I'm struggling to meet my first man in the physical world.

After coming out to my family approx a week ago, they have voiced concerns over the possibility of me falling victim to gay "hunters". Ive been told that should I visit a gay bar for example, I could be singled out by one or more "skin-head" types & lured away to a violent beating or death.

I don't doubt how real this threat is, but do doubt how common it currently is. Location I'm sure come into play, but considering I'm in Seattle/Tacoma area, wouldn't I be somewhat safe from these "hunters"?

I'm timid as it is about getting to know another gay man, this is just one more hurdle to get over.

Ideas, thoughts?

Caged

 

[mega]

They're trying to scare you. On the other hand, when you are out and about no matter who or where you are, you should always be aware of your surroundings.

 

[nakedboy]

The threat of an attack is as real as you are. Don't under estimate a culture that you are not familiar with.

 

[WYSIWYG]

I grew up with a mother who was paranoid. As soon as you walked into the house ALL the doors and windows were locked...it was harder to get out than to get in!!!

I would guess that they are trying to scare you with this "hunter" thing! Sure there are chances in ANYTHING that you could do or situations you could be in. But most clubs and bars are generally safe in my opinion. Been to many without any problems. This hunter thing could also be applied to gay dating sites to, and some JUB'ers have been there and done that too. Some have had good experiences and some have had bad ones.

If your interested in going to a gay club, research which ones you would want to go to. Check the clubs out before going inside maybe? If your still afraid, go with a friend first to check them out. Contact any gay organizations in Seatle.....must be at least one, go and chat with their members if possible.

In college? Most have a gay/lesbian support clubs.

 

[1st love ron]

This is why if you haven't ever gone to a gay bar you should go with a friend (male or female) so that you can wrap your brain around the bar scene (as was said above). Also, watch out for the reduction in judgment and inhibition brought on by alcohol.
To sum it up: Always be aware of your surroundings. Being gay I know that the threat is real which is always in the back of my mind no matter what I'm doing or where I am.

 

[cellular]

Personally, i dont go to bars because i dont drink. So i dont really have any good advice for you except that if i were to go in the future, i would also be thinking about my safety as i think the threat of being beating up by str8 men is real. I know a few str8 guys who detest gay people, and given the appropriate circumstances and lots of alcohol, i think they would also act on that hate. So be careful. By the way, does anyone know of community gay societies,except college gay clubs, that gay men can join? I dont like the impression gay bars give off, and i can think of no other way, other then by chance and luck, that i can meet other gay people. The societies that im thinking of are ones which host meetings every week, in a safe and respectable environment, where gay men come to socialise. That would get rid of the awkwardness of not drinking if i go to a gay bar and provide me with the safety i need.

 

[Jeimuzu]

Erm, well in all honesty just go to bars with a few friends if you want that safety. I know if you go home with a guy, they won't come too, but they'll know what he looks like, and he'll know you came with friends, so he won't try anything in case they identify him. Anyways, it's not at all likely. I live in Middlesbrough (recently voted the sixth worst place to live in England on a TV poll; the winner [well, loser really] was Hackney) and it's not happened to me.

 

[CagedBird]

Thanks for input guys; I plan on approaching the social aspect of being gay with caution. Ive waited this long to come out, guess waiting a few more months to meet someone "real" is ok. [it'll just make my first contact that much better when I do].

I'll do some lurking/guy watching for now & fantasize about it @ days end...ahhh...

 

[Just1Cool]

The answer to your question depends upon a number of factors. Where you live is probably the most important. In the big cities, with big gay populations, people tend to be much more open minded. How flamboyant you are also makes a difference. The more stereotypically gay tendencies you have, the more likely you are to get bothered.

The reality though is that attacks are becoming increasingly rare (thank god). In all the cities I've lived in New York, Washington DC and now Phoenix, I have never ever seen or heard of anyone "hunting" for gay men outside of a gay club. Actually its probably one of the worst places for a gay basher to try an attack, just because of sheer numbers against them.

 

[Riverrick]

I can't imagine that this is a real concern in the Seattle/Tacoma area. If you're concerned, just get the guy's number and meet him at a coffee shop on a different day rather than going home with him.

 

[spreadeagle]

Look - we live in a dangerous environment. Being gay does not neccesarily put you at greater risk from random violence - the risks are there for everyone. All you can do is take sensible precautions: have transport home arranged in advance, spare cab-fare in your shoe, travel with friends, tell someone where you are, carry a cell-phone, stay fit, stay conscious, think and plan ahead.

 

[CagedBird]

Hypothetical?

Look - we live in a dangerous environment. Being gay does not neccesarily put you at greater risk from random violence - the risks are there for everyone. All you can do is take sensible precautions: have transport home arranged in advance, spare cab-fare in your shoe, travel with friends, tell someone where you are, carry a cell-phone, stay fit, stay conscious, think and plan ahead.

Good points spreadeagle re: staying fit...I am & guess as such can always attempt flight if outnumbered, lol.

HYPOTHETICAL ANYONE? :
You have a concealed weapons permit. You are trained & experienced in its use [military background]. Would you "pack" when venturing out into new social environments, or leave it @ home?

 

[MindBlast]

Pretty rare. I've only had to fight once (high school), and I was with a friend to back me up. But I'm good at fighting and I walk in an intimidating manner. Don't make yourself a victim. Go with friends.

 

[drhladnjak]

I think your family is just being paranoid about all this. Sure, you could be attacked by some guy you picked up at a bar. However, you're WAY more likely to get shot or mugged on the street in Tacoma or even Seattle. You're definitely more likely to die in a car accident on your way to the club.

I feel safe going to the bars in Seattle by myself. Of course, I don't get totally drunk or talk to extremely sketchy people at them either.

Several years ago there was a guy in Seattle who was stabbed to death after hooking up with some guy who was criminally insane, but honestly that's just one case in several years in an urban area with millions of people. I've certainly never heard of somebody being lured away by a skinhead from a gay bar around here.

 

[wentworth]

I'm struggling to meet my first man in the physical world.

After coming out to my family approx a week ago, they have voiced concerns over the possibility of me falling victim to gay "hunters". Ive been told that should I visit a gay bar for example, I could be singled out by one or more "skin-head" types & lured away to a violent beating or death.

I don't doubt how real this threat is, but do doubt how common it currently is. Location I'm sure come into play, but considering I'm in Seattle/Tacoma area, wouldn't I be somewhat safe from these "hunters"?

I'm timid as it is about getting to know another gay man, this is just one more hurdle to get over.

Ideas, thoughts?

Caged

Where do you live?

I'll get flayed for this, but I don't care.

If you live anywhere in the West the threat is overblown and you will be fine--especially if there is a gay bar in town.
Stories are often magnified because they serve so many agendas nicely.
Most places in the West, people really don't care for th emost part--at least not enough to beat you.

 

[Roland00]

Seattle should be find, Alabama would be a different story (no offense to anybody from there).

 

[drhladnjak]

There are parts of Alabama I'd rather live in and be gay than parts of Washington state. It's all so varied.

 

[skaterboi]

Re: Hypothetical?

Good points spreadeagle re: staying fit...I am & guess as such can always attempt flight if outnumbered, lol.

HYPOTHETICAL ANYONE? :
You have a concealed weapons permit. You are trained & experienced in its use [military background]. Would you "pack" when venturing out into new social environments, or leave it @ home?

Well I'm from Teesside in the UK and at times its really rough especially in places like Darlo, Boro, Hartlepool and Stockton, that said I've never had any trouble on a night out. IMO a concealed weapon's just asking for trouble, you maybe have the rights to carry it with you but can you use it and not then have your millitary background thrown back at you if you caused someone serious harm?
Ontopic no matter where you go on a night out, gay, straight, bi, man, woman, white, black, asian, Tony Blair etc etc theirs always the chance that you might get into a fight. As others have said best bets always go out with friends so that you're in a group of people who can help you should anything happen.
Being gay and not knowing many gay people might pose a problem as I doubt loads of your straight mates would want to go to gay bars, BUT they should remember that many a straight girl will go their with a gay mate as support so their can be lots of picking for both straight and gay men in a gay bar. (never been to one myself going on the word of a friend)
If you can't get your mates to go with you, get a taxi their and book a taxi back at a set time, tell your family/flat mates what time you expect to get back and have your phone switched on. If you meet someone offer to take them back to your place where you know its safe.
Don't worry too much chances of something happening are very very slim, and no more likley than someone getting beat up for their phone or in another random act of violence.

 

[CagedBird]

Thanks O2...& you're right about packing...seems paranoid & a bit over the top now.

Im out for love, not violence

 

[wentworth]

Re: Hypothetical?

Well I'm from Teesside in the UK and at times its really rough especially in places like Darlo, Boro, Hartlepool and Stockton, that said I've never had any trouble on a night out. IMO a concealed weapon's just asking for trouble, you maybe have the rights to carry it with you but can you use it and not then have your millitary background thrown back at you if you caused someone serious harm?
Ontopic no matter where you go on a night out, gay, straight, bi, man, woman, white, black, asian, Tony Blair etc etc theirs always the chance that you might get into a fight. As others have said best bets always go out with friends so that you're in a group of people who can help you should anything happen.
Being gay and not knowing many gay people might pose a problem as I doubt loads of your straight mates would want to go to gay bars, BUT they should remember that many a straight girl will go their with a gay mate as support so their can be lots of picking for both straight and gay men in a gay bar. (never been to one myself going on the word of a friend)
If you can't get your mates to go with you, get a taxi their and book a taxi back at a set time, tell your family/flat mates what time you expect to get back and have your phone switched on. If you meet someone offer to take them back to your place where you know its safe.
Don't worry too much chances of something happening are very very slim, and no more likley than someone getting beat up for their phone or in another random act of violence.

Dear,

I don't know how it works in the UK exactly (shades of Tony Martin), but in America, if someone attacks you, you have the right to defend yourself.